How to deal with male colleague undermining me

Work colleagues are not friends or family. You dont need to be friends with everyone in order to work with them. I say with sympathy, as its something I had to learn and it still sometimes gets to me, toughen up. Be professional. Dont fall into the tedious stereotype of the overly emotional, fragile and needy female employee. Hol dyour head up high, be cheerful and courteous to everyone, and absolutely grey rock each and every snub or putdown. The only thing you MUST respond to, is the professional context where your expertise is challenged or questioned. Then you most definately push back and assert yourself. But stop trying to be chums, sit together and socialise etc. You dont need it to do your job. Rise above it and be professional, this too shall pass.

It's not just about the desk though is it.

It's his attitude towards her changing and the desk is one example of his new behavior towards her.

If someone I managed started undermining someone in meetings, being off with them and deliberately booking the rest of the team seats away from this one person, I'd be asking them what was going on.

I get what you mean about them sitting elsewhere, if you rarely go into the office the idea is to spend time with your team.

I think he’s got wind you’re in line for a promotion and he’s trying to undermine you so you don’t get it, or don’t feel worthy of it - and right now he’s doing just that. Call him out every time he does it, especially in meetings in front of others.

@CovertPiggery it's not picking holes at all. Can you imagine going to your boss and saying colleague X sat on a different desk to us so I had a go at him and now he's being off with me. Its not picking holes, it's literally people's opinion on the reaction to him sitting at a different desk with his male colleague.

I wouldn't post on here for support or advice OP. Too many people love to pick holes in posts.

For what it's worth, I know exactly what you mean. I had a colleague who picked on another colleague like this and it was always seemingly explainable or little things. That was a deliberate choice so if they were called our, they could say the other colleague was overreacting, but it was constant and really upset them. In the end it became a obvious to everyone and the spiteful colleague got moved to another department.

Can you speak with your line manager about it and say you've noticed make colleague's attitude towards you seems to have changed?

Why does it matter where people sit?
Are you 12?

Bursting into tears would be deeply unprofessional of you, so don't for the love of all that's creepy do that. He's a colleague. Be professional. Being professional means listening to other viewpoints, considering them and either taking them into account or disregarding them. You sound insecure and immature, and that's unprofessional too.

Honestly, go to work and do your job. He's a colleague, not a pal.

"publicly shunned" because of where he sat? He isn't your direct report, he's your peer

You sound a bit dramatic OP. I'd probably sit somewhere else too.

Repeat some affirmations about yourself and your job. Imagine zipping yourself up from the ground up to your head to pull yourself together and protect yourself from his negative comments.

Be clear on what you want his input on. If he deviates, ignore him and get him back to the point.

If you feel tearful, take a drink of water, compose yourself, remind yourself you are good at your job and let the wave of emotion pass. Breathe deeply, zip yourself up again and bring the discussion back on track.

If he undermines you, maybe say.. I hear what you are saying, thanks for your input, I will discuss this with manager / other colleagues. We also have to bear in mind what is working in this scenario and the specifics of X Y and Z which might be slightly different to the scenario you are dealing with.

"Publicly shunned" because someone sat at a different desk is a lot tbh.

So there were two people from the same team sat in different areas of the office. Your more senior colleague chose where to sit and you called them out on it?!

Did you call out your other colleague too for not sitting next to you?

I think you're being totally daft about where he sat, and your reaction to this could be the cause of how he is now being. Your reaction sounds controlling and childish to me.