Parents in law on holiday

This X a million.

@Anxiousmuch - could you have a conversation with your ails along this line - “I am worried that you won’t enjoy the holiday we have planned - we intend to spend as much time on the beach as possible, and if it’s wet, we’ll take the kids to soft play, and that honestly doesn’t sound like much fun for you. Would it be better if we looked for a long weekend where we could plan something that you and the kids would all enjoy?”

That’s not confrontational, and isn’t you or dh saying ‘don’t come, you’ll spoil our holiday’ - but makes it clear that you and the children will be having the beach/soft play holiday you want, even if the ails do gatecrash.

Well said, I don’t know why you say they can’t go on the beach there are plenty of beaches in Cornwall where there is easy access.

wonder if all the posters screaming ‘no’ will feel the same when they themselves become the MIL, why is it okay to be so unkind to in laws?

Extremely rude of them to invite themselves.
Tell your husband to say No, or he can take the children on holiday with them and you will work.
He won't do it again.

Sweet lord no. why oh why does this happen? my sister just come home from lanzaraote she siad her and her husband were the only family in the resort who did not have extra family ie grandparents etc with them she couldn't get over it. we love our parents and our inlaws but a day here or there is enough. having other people changes the dynamics of the holiday. you husband needs to say NO

YANBU

Tell DH if ILS are going, you aren’t. You will have a better time at home than dealing with this.

Here's another perspective.... my son is constantly on at my husband and me to go on holiday with him, my DIL and their 2 kids (10 and 5) and quite frankly I'd rather eat glass !!!!! And as an aside I am almost 70 and perfectly "agile" enough for anything.... beach, water park, hikes .... but we like our holidays without kids. End of. We have agreed reluctantly to go on a one off holiday next summer but how it will pan out I am not sure. I think THEY will have unreasonable expectations of us, e.g. babysitting, doing things they want and little opportunity to actually enjoy our holiday. Not all PIL are interfering and controlling, and quite frankly as your situation doesn't sound like it's ever happened before why can't you just try and enjoy them being there just this once if they want to come. Doesn't sound like it'll be 24/7. Maybe being with YOU will put them off wanting to ever do it again !!!! When they're not around any more I bet you'll have nice holidays on the proceeds of what they leave behind.

Fucking hell.
YANBU.

Ah OP it is a tricky one. I think if the horse has bolted I would ask DH to lay out very clearly what your plans are once you’re there and say they are welcome to join but because of the kids / time / money you will bot be able to commit to doing anything else.

YANBU. We had this for a number of years with my PILs. We were return visitors to the same village with a gorgeous beach, which we loved and they hated but still they came!!

What did your OH say when you discussed it ? You have discussed it haven't you?

That is the height of rudeness just inviting yourself along on someone else's holiday, family or not, why do some parents feel it's OK to do this? Would they do this to friends? They need to be told as tactfully as possible if we wanted you there we would have invited you. Time to set some boundaries, good luck x

Also I see the comments about babysitting etc but not all grandparents do this. Some are purely interested in what I call “photo events”. No interest in grandchildren unless it’s something that they can brag about to their friends.

We had exactly this with my in laws. They live 20 minutes away from where we live and never really bother but wanted to meet up on holiday. We said no several times. Then had SIL calling and texting about us not seeing them.
We had 1 week holiday and did not want to share.
Be firm

I find some of the responses on here heartbreaking. My parents and MIL are of an age now when they simply can't come on holidays with us. I would have loved my parents to suggest coming when they were able but didn't know all I hear are regrets. Just talk to them. If they are keen to go on holiday with you, explain it. We don't think this holiday is right, kids are young, we will be on beach all day whatever the weather. What about a weekend later on in year when we do x,y and z. For example, for a few years we included parents and MIL in Centerparc/Bluestone trips. There's a lot of guided activity, so they were happy watching, taking photos etc. They also joined in sometimes so kids had an activity with grandparents, but then generally they'd go back to a lodge for a rest. But, then they'd step up when we got back to give us a break or watch them so me and husband could go for a drink. My MIL would come with us on UK hols and do the food, castle, beach activity but was also happy on her own a few days with a book. You just need to set boundaries. Saying NO just causes an argument and a boundary that they don't understand. I don't have a perfect relationship by any means, we have had a terrible few years, but my parents are dying and I wish we'd handled some things quite differently to what we did.

That's what I was thinking but totally understand your point of view. As the 'in-laws' we may not realise when we're getting on your nerves so it's best not to risk longer term damage and resentment when you know these opportunities are so limited and your kids will be teenagers before you know it!!

I had put up with these holidays since the kids were young it was never a holiday for me I ended up doing the cooking when he and his mother chatted all the time now I do not have any bonding with my children whatsoever they go to their dad and her all the time looking back it was all for his mother than for me I just went work all the time one holiday is enough I ended up with over 13 or more of the woman it is not fair on a family unit at all never get privacy always their. My kids just finished school now . one higher education will never have that time back with my kids again hurts so much watching them three all the time.

Jesus - if your dh won’t stand up to them let him take the children and go and you have a nice quiet week at home. Two weeks? No no no!

You should tell him to make it clear you take dc to the beach every chance you get on this holiday every year and that won’t be changing. He can leave his parents out and take his child to the beach as you don’t accept robbing your child of their beach holiday and he’d be a crap dad if he went along with that, or he can tell them to organise another time. Up to him but he will be sitting with his parents on his own if he decides to hang out with them, and for giving up on his child’s beach holiday he won’t be invited next year.

I think you have to speak to your OH. He can kindly but firmly explain that this is your family holiday and that you both want to spend time together alone with your children. He can offer a weekend away at another date. If your PIL get the hump about it then that's up to them. They will get over it. You are being perfectly reasonable to want a holiday with just your family.

Hi PIL that’s a lovely thought but we’re really looking forward to a break and some one on one time with the kids. Let’s plan some days out together when the schools break up

At the very least, stop this people pleaser nonsense. You are not her lackey and should not feel obliged to go to the bar for her. The menfolk are deliberately ignoring her, knowing you'll go if they hold out.

Also, practice a few comments of your own in case she criticises your figure, "MIL, you should put on some more moisturiser, the sun plays havoc with older skin", or the MN classic "Did you mean to be so rude?"

Id be making it perfectly clear to DH that if he doesn't set some boundaries, or allows them to decide what you're doing every day, then you'll be going off on your own with the kids and he can entertain them.

It's a no from me and I'm an in-law. Not fair of them to invite themselves especially as this is your only holiday. I think a polite but direct no and a 'it's really important to us to have a week as our little family unit,' is more than acceptable. I agree with pps to get those boundaries in now and get DH on board too.

Noooooooo!!

This will not be a holiday for you.

Get DH to plan a weekend away with the kids and his parents (& you'll have plans on that weekend you can't get out of - like chilling out at home with a good book and a glass of wine 😉) but don't let them crash your holiday.

Why do some people think precious time off is an open invitation??

My PIL caught me at a (very) bad time of my life one day and said "when things calm down we can go on a nice fortnight's holiday together" I very quickly retorted "we just don't have the kind of relationship where we could do that!" And killed the idea stone dead.

As a person who has people-pleased to a ridiculous extent throughout my life, I am so incredibly pleased with myself for that one sentence of honesty and strength; it's saved an awful lot of ruined holidays.

i am going against the grain

But. You don’t own Cornwall. They are allowed to holiday there also. They are not staying in your tent or on your campsite. Is there no way you can still predominantly do your own thing? Make your own plans? Christ maybe they just want to amble around St Austell and have cream teas while you go to the beach as you’d planned anyway, and treat you to fish and chips in the evening.

I know it’s very Mumsnet to hate spending your leisure time with in-laws but, they’ll be dead one day. Maybe they just got excited and want to holiday with their grandchildren before everyone grows up.

I mean, at least have a conversation about it like adults.