Parents in law on holiday

@Arewealljustloosingtheplot
No is a full sentence Yes, this ^^
Can't you contact mil and say that them coming with you does not work for you?

@Ostagazuzulum
No suggestions but am in same situation. In laws have insisted that we go on holiday with them this year
They can insist all they like, just say no thanks, that doesnt work for me!

@Anxiousmuch does your dh not know when to tell a white lie??? "I am not sure" would have been enough! or could he not just have said that you want to go as a family??

If they turn up anyway spend the week how you planned, enforce your boundaries, otherwise they'll be at it again next year. You can be polite about it and say you'd love to spend some other holiday time with them, but spend the holiday doing what you and your DC want. Don't compromise yourself and disregard your needs for people who don't give you any consideration.

Ok - then you need to have a plan ready to put into action if they do decide to tag along on your holiday @Anxiousmuch. Find attractions that you and your kids will love to do and book them. Have activities planned for every day of the break. If they ask can they go to X tea room today or to see Y National Trust home, just say, you're free to do that but we'll be doing A or B today.
Don't negotiate, they decided to tag along on you and your kids holiday, not the other way around.
Then just go and have the holiday you planned.

Oh @Anxiousmuch . I totally understood your POV and was on your side. Then you had to snipe at "the boomer generation". Why do people do this?

Well played OP.

I’d make sure MIL understands that toilet facilities will be primitive at all the place you’ll be going. This might be a deal breaker for her.

I don’t see the issue tbh. Your in laws can babysit and you and your husband can go out for a lovely child free dinner and drinks - winner!

No is a full sentence.

Yes it must be so sad and inconvenient to see young women stand up for themselves and not be the family doormat.

I would pull out of the holiday and let dh entertain them and the kids simultaneously. I guarantee it won’t happen again.

and yes, I did just suggest a separate holiday for a couple ! 😮

Many families are time poor now. A weeks holiday may be the only time some families get. It's not ask big ask really

It’s sad to see the constant erosion of families. I’m sure once mumsnet has killed off holidays with extended family they will then start promoting husbands and wives holiday separately and then start threads on mothers not wanting to holiday with their children and children should be encouraged to holiday in groups with just teachers. I’m curious to see how far it will go before people start noticing.

@FanofLeaves No, actually that does not work with some people, especially the kind that invite themselves. My ex in laws invited themselves over on a weekend away with me and ExDH. They followed us everywhere, knocked on our door every morning at 7am and DH and I trying to go to bed early one night was met with sulking and crying from MIL. It was the worst holiday of my life.

My parents also attempt to invite themselves on holidays now. And it's a straight out NO Every.Single.Time. My mum is too needy and sensitive and would ruin it.

Very rude of them to invite themselves along

I really like my in-laws. They asked to come away with us last year. We said yes

They were bloody miserable. They didn't want to do anything we did, claimed they were tired all the time, we were eating by at the wrong times. It was such hard work
I think they forgot that two small
Boys are alot of work on holidays and don't want to sit quietly having a brew and "people watching"

We once took our children on their first holiday abroad. On the second day, mil and dil turned up as a surprise...

I agree with you in some circumstances, but then the DH didn't exactly quash the idea when they raised it in the first place.
If he did OP wouldn't have started the thread, so it really depends how good/reliable he is at explaining things and how quickly he does it so that they don't turn around and say "Oh but we've already booked." If that's the case, I'd rather be the bad guy than end up having to do the whole holiday anyway.

I think that the OP telling them also underlines that they need to consult her too and not just DH when making plans like this.

@lilacnapkin - I am a MIL and a granny now, and I agree with you. Dh and I wouldn’t dream of inviting ourselves along on holiday with ds1, DIL and dgd.

In fact, they have suggested that it would be nice for us all to go off on an all inclusive holiday sometime, with her parents too, which is lovely of them. I am pretty immobile, so wouldn’t be able to do a lot, apart from sitting in the sun with my book, and the occasional swim, but I wouldn’t expect anyone else to restrict their holiday to suit me. I’d join in where I could, and then happily wave them all off for more active pursuits.

When the dses were small, my MIL did spend part of one of our holidays with us - and to be honest, it is so long ago that I can’t remember whose idea it was - but she only came for a few days (her choice) so we still got some time alone as well. But she was an absolute Prince among mothers in law, and I’d have happily had her along on every holiday. If the OP’s ILs aren’t flexible and cooperative, I don’t blame her for not being keen on having them along for the whole time.

When DH’s parents (of whom we are both fond) suggested this, DH laughed and said ‘No offence, but we’d rather shoot ourselves than go on holiday with you’. Similarly when they suggested it again.

We have actually been on holiday with them more than once, ages back, and it’s just exhausting, because they’re fussy, set in their ways and those ways are quite peculiar (dinner ideally happens before 5 pm, they won’t eat unfamiliar food, they invariably claim they ‘don’t want lunch’, but then that they want ‘just a bun’, which means some form of sandwich in a bread roll, and they get lost without careful supervision — they are also the only people I’ve ever met who were actually falling for the ‘dropped ring’ scam in Paris before I intervened). It’s just too much work.

I don’t think it’s fair to expect you to deliver the bad news. Your OH should be able to say to his parents that this one’s a family holiday for the four of you without hurting anyone’s feelings. He can then briskly deflect to the idea of an alternative weekend with them somewhere else.

They probably don’t mean to be rude but if they push back after he’s said no they will be.

@@FanofLeaves
"I mean, at least have a conversation about it like adults."

That is exactly what the inlaws did not do.
They asked DH privately (behind her back) what his holiday dates were so they could book nearby accommodation and join in the holiday. No attempt at adult discussion with the OP. Job Done.

Why doesn't she have the right to have her one week of holiday away from home with just her DH and DC to relax. It doesn't mean she doesn't like inlaws. She just wants time on their own and a week isn't a big ask. It isn't depriving the inlaws of contact with GCs.

Arranging with in-laws to go for Cream teas whilst OP goes to the beach and eating at certain places etc in the evening is exactly the sort of to and fro she doesn't want to have to deal with on her break. If they wanted to holiday with inlaws, they would have asked them when they were organising it.

wonder if all the posters screaming ‘no’ will feel the same when they themselves become the MIL, why is it okay to be so unkind to in laws?

It's not being very "kind" to invite yourself on someone else's holiday! I have no desire whatsoever to go on holiday with my children - we have different ideas of what makes a good holiday so I wish them a great time and I'll see them when they come back and we go on our own holidays doing the things we like to do. This really isnt some huge snub fgs, but if you think it is then frankly, I can understand why people may not wish to holiday with you if you make everything so dramatic and turn it into a personal slight.

So many drippy DHs who just sleepwalk into these situations and ruin holidays. YADNBU OP.

And @Ostagazuzulum your situation is horrendous- time for your H to step up and run around after his parents now he’s muffed up a whole fortnight’s holiday.