Page 5 | Parents in law on holiday

Anxiousmuch · 2024-07-03T20:32:53+00:00

Every year myself and OH take our young children camping in Cornwall It's our one holiday and we hope to spend the week on the beach (or in rain at soft play) Today I've found out his parents have asked him what dates we are there because they want to find somewhere close by and be with us I want to cry. This is my break and with them around I won't be able to relax. They'll also have completely different expectations of what we'll do and aren't agile enough to go on the beach Am I unreasonable to expect my partner to say something to them? I'd be happy to do a weekend away with them another time

LouH1981 · 08/07/2024 07:45

No way, sorry, but it’s clearly already making you anxious. You won’t look forward to it and it’s your only opportunity to relax and have fun.
As you suggested, they could pick a weekend away, their choice re location etc so it completely meets their needs and they are happy and feel like they are in charge.
If all fails, we are camping in Cornwall at the end of July. Feel free to find my tent in which to rock silently in a corner and / or have a cup of tea/wine 👍🏻

plimbow · 08/07/2024 07:43

Another boomer here who's had the opposite problem.

How do you tell your beloved child that you don't want them to come away with you, that you don't want to spend your holiday being organised by them?

multimillionaire · 08/07/2024 07:39

LookItsMeAgain · 07/07/2024 17:05

Ok - then you need to have a plan ready to put into action if they do decide to tag along on your holiday @Anxiousmuch. Find attractions that you and your kids will love to do and book them. Have activities planned for every day of the break. If they ask can they go to X tea room today or to see Y National Trust home, just say, you're free to do that but we'll be doing A or B today.
Don't negotiate, they decided to tag along on you and your kids holiday, not the other way around.
Then just go and have the holiday you planned.

Yes this is what I'd do. You cant stop them if they insist on booking it themselves but I wouldnt be changing my plans. I'd be going where we wanted to go and if they come along and dont like it or cant come due to toilets etc then thats on them isnt it? If you have pre-warned them about the toilet facilities and they still go then they cant moan about it.

It's not mean or unkind to not want to spend your holiday in a bloody tea room every damn day. Its also not fair on the kids who would find that really boring and tedious

5128gap · 08/07/2024 07:34

You sound ridiculous OP. As if every person your in laws generation behaves in the same way. How about this... "being of your generation, you're too socially inept and weak to have a grown up assertive conversation with your relatives without validation on MN".. that sound OK to you?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 08/07/2024 07:14

FictionalCharacter · 07/07/2024 17:01

Oh @Anxiousmuch . I totally understood your POV and was on your side. Then you had to snipe at "the boomer generation". Why do people do this?

I hate this too and I’m a millennial.

My “boomer” parents would never invite themselves like that. It’s rude. There are rude people in every generation, doesn’t matter how old you are.

agreed wholeheartedly with everything you said previously OP, but your attitude stinks.

BileBeansSara · 08/07/2024 07:09

I'm a boomer and I wouldn't want to go on holiday with you OP

Poolstream · 08/07/2024 06:32

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 07/07/2024 20:17

Well this ‘boomer’ has just lost all sympathy!

Me too.
I hope they leave their house that they got for a song and savings from their brilliant pension to someone else.

Exquisitebluebutterfly · 08/07/2024 06:31

Exquisitebluebutterfly · 08/07/2024 06:16

Oh my! That is another post in itself! I totally feel for you! That is a trainwreck! I advise you to grow a backbone, a though skin and give as good as you get! Body shame? "You are not that young yourself dear! And that shows!" Walk away! Bar orders request: IGNORE! IGNORE! Mumbble! Oh ya! Stay still, read a book. Sunddenly, find that one of children needs your imediate attention. My sympathies!

This post is not meant for you OP. This is meant to Ostagazuzulum. I am new here and do not yet know my way around and where to click. 😁😅

Exquisitebluebutterfly · 08/07/2024 06:24

Ostagazuzulum · 03/07/2024 21:45

No suggestions but am in same situation. In laws have insisted that we go on holiday with them this year. Lord knows why. They've been nightmare booking it, nothing is good enough but they won't pay for what they want. Their specifications for what they want has been unachievable so it's gone on for ages as they're convinced we can 'do better's Dh and I struggle to get time off work in school hols so it's now been left so late we didn't get much choice. MIL is already sending messages to me about what clothes I should take as it'll be hot (. I'm nearly 50...!) I feel bit weird being in swimming costume around them so won't relax ('y issue not theirs but in my defence mil has plenty to say about my body shape after I'd given birth and how weight had dropped to my thighs)

They'll be a nightmare. Mil will want someone to go to bar for her constantly DH and FIL will ignore so as a people pleaser I'll be obliged), she'll undermine my parenting. Any days out will be limited as they have limited mobility and will Want to come and kick up a fuss if they can't. DH won't say word. They've never been on hols with us before. It's 14 days. I've never done an overnight with them before as they live within day driving distance so this will be intense. I'm dreading it. It's not a holiday.

I can't offer any advice only that you're not alone. I plan to get earplugs.

Oh my! That is another post in itself! I totally feel for you! That is a trainwreck! I advise you to grow a backbone, a though skin and give as good as you get! Body shame? "You are not that young yourself dear! And that shows!" Walk away! Bar orders request: IGNORE! IGNORE! Mumbble! Oh ya! Stay still, read a book. Sunddenly, find that one of children needs your imediate attention. My sympathies!

Caroparo52 · 08/07/2024 06:21

Sorry dpil. I hope you'll understand that this is a special time away just us and the kids. I'm happy to book a weekend away with you october half term

Exquisitebluebutterfly · 08/07/2024 06:16

Oh my! That is another post in itself! I totally feel for you! That is a trainwreck! I advise you to grow a backbone, a though skin and give as good as you get! Body shame? "You are not that young yourself dear! And that shows!" Walk away! Bar orders request: IGNORE! IGNORE! Mumbble! Oh ya! Stay still, read a book. Sunddenly, find that one of children needs your imediate attention. My sympathies!

HalfwayToHell · 07/07/2024 23:27

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/07/2024 16:59

I don’t see the issue tbh. Your in laws can babysit and you and your husband can go out for a lovely child free dinner and drinks - winner!

You don't see the issue with someone turning up on your holiday, having invited themselves and changing the whole feel of the holiday. Lol.

And OP has said they won't babysit anyway so what are you talking about?

When we go on holiday with our kids, we want to spend time with them and each other, not family who have invited themselves.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 07/07/2024 20:17

Well this ‘boomer’ has just lost all sympathy!

randomusernam · 07/07/2024 20:02

Having read your reply I'd be saying to the in-laws this is the only holiday we get as a family and we want to spend it doing things the kids want to like the beach, soft play etc. I don't think you would enjoy doing those things and we're unwilling to change our plans for a holiday which would suit you but ultimately the children would hate. The only option you have here is to be honest. Also I think it should be your husband who has this conversation with them.

Pastit12 · 07/07/2024 19:46

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2024 17:22

but being of the boomer generation I fully expect them to ignore him and come anyway

Just for that I bloody hope they do

Edited

Had a bit of sympathy for you until you posted this , I just hope your kids feel the same about you when your the same age as your PIL.
Nasty ageist comment 😠
NannyOgg😁

isthewashingdryyet · 07/07/2024 19:36

Text his mum, and say how much the kids are looking forward to making sandcastles and paddling with granny and grandad, every single day of the holidays

2Old2Tango · 07/07/2024 19:31

FictionalCharacter · 07/07/2024 17:01

Oh @Anxiousmuch . I totally understood your POV and was on your side. Then you had to snipe at "the boomer generation". Why do people do this?

This. I lost all sympathy after this snide remark.

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/07/2024 19:29

BigAnne · 07/07/2024 17:58

Agree with you 100%. I love my DGC and often look after them, but the thought of going on holiday with them and their parents gives me the fear. I think some people on here are flattering themselves.

Show quote history

I know right! Like everyone just assumes that their parents/parents in law are just absolutely GAGGING to go on holiday with them and their kids as if they most amazing, fantastic company and travel companions the world has ever known. I have no idea why considering you see soooooo many posts on here banging on about shit holidays with kids are!!

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/07/2024 19:27

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2024 17:22

but being of the boomer generation I fully expect them to ignore him and come anyway

Just for that I bloody hope they do

Edited

I know me too. I hate people banging on about “boomers” - it’s ageist nonsense @Anxiousmuch

BigAnne · 07/07/2024 17:58

Cece54 · 07/07/2024 13:52

Here's another perspective.... my son is constantly on at my husband and me to go on holiday with him, my DIL and their 2 kids (10 and 5) and quite frankly I'd rather eat glass !!!!! And as an aside I am almost 70 and perfectly "agile" enough for anything.... beach, water park, hikes .... but we like our holidays without kids. End of. We have agreed reluctantly to go on a one off holiday next summer but how it will pan out I am not sure. I think THEY will have unreasonable expectations of us, e.g. babysitting, doing things they want and little opportunity to actually enjoy our holiday. Not all PIL are interfering and controlling, and quite frankly as your situation doesn't sound like it's ever happened before why can't you just try and enjoy them being there just this once if they want to come. Doesn't sound like it'll be 24/7. Maybe being with YOU will put them off wanting to ever do it again !!!! When they're not around any more I bet you'll have nice holidays on the proceeds of what they leave behind.

Agree with you 100%. I love my DGC and often look after them, but the thought of going on holiday with them and their parents gives me the fear. I think some people on here are flattering themselves.

Anxioustealady · 07/07/2024 17:41

OP is it too late to change location?

Marosanne · 07/07/2024 17:39

You guys ever watched "Everybody loves Raymond?" It's a hard "No" if they're quite nice be gentle, if not just be honest! Tbh i would rather fall out with them than have them ruin my holiday!

LakesideInn · 07/07/2024 17:37

They can come anyway but you don’t have to do what they say. You tell them now what you’ll be doing in your holiday with your kids and if they complain you just have to look confused and say - “but we told you this is what we would be doing. This is our holiday with our children and we want them to have a nice time. They will not enjoy [insert dull activity]. That is why we suggested a separate weekend away with you.” And you and your DH have to stick to it.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/07/2024 17:27

Oh OP. Having read your update on the cream teas and " I fully expect them to ignore him and come anyway"
Please don't let them do this. A weekend away that suits everyone is a good offer, but ignoring DH and coming anyway and dictating the week is awful.

Please think about telling them yourself kindly but firmly. I've been in this position and its the advice I would give my previous self.

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2024 17:22

but being of the boomer generation I fully expect them to ignore him and come anyway

Just for that I bloody hope they do