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AIBU?

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Original poster

To admit I live like this to see if anyone else does?

479 replies

11ds · 03/07/2024 21:07

I keep this a secret. I don’t expect it to be common but I wonder if anyone else lives like this?

I have a nice home, I am a single parent to a toddler. I look totally normal to the outside world and dress well etc. I am clean. DS’s spaces are always clean and tidy. But the rest of my home is awful. My bedroom is littered with tissue and labels from clothes or empty toilet rolls. It’s cluttered. Boxes still unopened from when I moved a year ago. I don’t let ds see any of this.

I don’t have a sofa. I have no rugs or a wardrobe (ds has a wardrobe). I keep my clothes in a pile on the floor.

I don’t own proper cooking utensils or oven gloves. I just pick food from the oven with my sleeve. I don’t have a duvet cover. I have one tiny hand towel to dry body and hair.

these are just a few weird things. It’s not a money problem. I have 100k savings and earn 4.5k a month. I spend money on nice make up and will get my hair done or buy ds nice toys etc. I always think one day I will sort a wardrobe etc but I never get round to it. I never feel it’s justified as I’ve just got used to living like this.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me? I assume this isn’t common? Am I mentally unwell? I dare not share it with anyone IRL!

OP posts:
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spikeandbuffy · 03/07/2024 21:19

Start small? Get yourself an oven glove then go from there
Make a list of what you need
Bin bag for the rubbish, stack the boxes
Set yourself a timer for 15-30 mins a day and use that time to sort the boxes

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 03/07/2024 21:19

It isn't common OP

Why don't you think of yourself as deserving of basic comforts like a duvet set or a towel? You might need to speak to your GP.

Original poster
11ds · 03/07/2024 21:19

All DS’s spaces are really nice. He has a nice room and also nice playroom and I keep the kitchen nice for him where he eats so there’s photo frames and all his pictures he’s done are on the wall etc.

I really don’t know why I can’t make the changes. I am so used to living like this. I eat dinner on the bed with tv on as there’s no sofa, or sometimes I sit on the floor.

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 03/07/2024 21:19

If you can't do it for yourself then do it for your ds as he Will notice and he WILL be affected by it. Doesn't he come in for a cuddle in your bed in the morning?

wellington77 · 03/07/2024 21:18

The amount of time it took you to write this you could have ordered a wardrobe online. Your first challenge is to go do this- remember your son will find out eventually or already knows your room looks like this. You are setting him examples. Plus no kitchen utensils- I’m sorry but if I was social services I would be a little concerned! Stop being lazy and sort it

betterangels · 03/07/2024 21:18

11ds · 03/07/2024 21:15

I feel sad as I’m not really sure where to begin to fix it. The idea of spending money on myself like that panics me and so I do nothing

You do spend money on yourself though.

TheOccupier · 03/07/2024 21:18

Are you mentally ill? This is awful and you are not providing a suitable environment for your child. What happens in a few years when he wants friends over? What happens when he grows up and needs to live independently, what sort of example is he getting? Why are you content to live in this feral way? You're not clean if you're always using the same tiny towel. Buy a fucking bath towel, at the very least, and put your rubbish in the bin. One trip to Ikea would provide everything you need.

Julyshouldbesunny · 03/07/2024 21:18

Not an expert but rings very similar bells to the lady I know.

VotesAndGoats · 03/07/2024 21:17

I have ADHD. Have a look at the Clutter Bug website. She is amazing. You are not alone OP.

AnotherDayAnotherDoller · 03/07/2024 21:17

I find this interesting OP.
Why no duvet? Do you prefer blankets?
Sleeping bag?

Do you use your living room? If so what do you sit on?

I can relate to keeping ur mess separate - my bedroom is always the most neglected in the house as I tend to prioritise areas we all use or that are likely to be seen and the kids bedrooms.

betterangels · 03/07/2024 21:16

I don’t own proper cooking utensils or oven gloves. I just pick food from the oven with my sleeve. I don’t have a duvet cover. I have one tiny hand towel to dry body and hair.

Why are you depriving yourself ordinary items? And no sofa? I don't get it. Not with your kind of money.

Theweepywillow · 03/07/2024 21:16

This is really sad, what an awful way to live. And you do spend money on yourself , hair and clothes etc.

clean your home and furnish it. You have a child. Don’t live like this.

MightWusk · 03/07/2024 21:16

Single 1 thing out...why haven't you bought towels? Does your child not have access to a decent towel?

Original poster
11ds · 03/07/2024 21:16

@Julyshouldbesunny im not sure. I do often feel extreme feelings… one moment very productive and the next I can’t do anything for hours

OP posts:
Crazycatlady79 · 03/07/2024 21:16

I think, as it's not to do with income, the only thing I can think of is it being a trauma response, or a sign that you may be struggling with your mental health?

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 03/07/2024 21:16

Might be ADHD as a pp said.

Bumblebee2002 · 03/07/2024 21:16

Is it because you don't believe you deserve nice things? If you keep the mess away from your ds but not yourself? Surely you'd enjoy a nice sofa to sit and some home decor?

edwinbear · 03/07/2024 21:16

I don’t live like this, no, but do you feel overwhelmed by the amount of ‘stuff’ you need to buy? Why not just buy one set of big towels to start with. Then stick an oven glove and baking tray (for example) in your trolley when you do the supermarket shop? Just build up from there.

GeorgeTheFirst · 03/07/2024 21:15

So its only your private space that is like this? I wonder why you don't treat yourself well. You deserve to have a nice space to sleep in

MightWusk · 03/07/2024 21:15

I have ADHD and I don't live like this. However, I appreciate different levels and different quirks.

Beginningless · 03/07/2024 21:15

Do you not have a sense of what this is about? I’d imagine you do deep down.

And does your DS not spend time in your bedroom?

Original poster
11ds · 03/07/2024 21:15

I feel sad as I’m not really sure where to begin to fix it. The idea of spending money on myself like that panics me and so I do nothing

OP posts:
Perfect28 · 03/07/2024 21:15

Are you tight? Because surely money could buy your way out of this and you have the money?

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 03/07/2024 21:14

It does all sound a bit strange, but then, you know this. Do you think you may have a mental health condition?

Julyshouldbesunny · 03/07/2024 21:14

Have you considered adhd? Currently work for a very well educated woman who earns £££ but stashes bags of rubbish.. She mentally can't deal with her home. Keeps very minor bits of it tidy.. The rest def not so much.