To admit I live like this to see if anyone else does?

It sounds like you are punishing yourself for something. If you have access to money order some towels from Amazon if you might not like going out shopping. Buy yourself a sofa. If you can't do it for you do it for your son. He deserves a proper bath towel. He'll start to wonder why he doesn't have a sofa like other families as he gets a bit older. Do you have a chest of drawers? If not could you not order one to keep your clothes in. They are much more useful than a wardrobe anyway. Do you really know why you deprived yourself? Maybe some counselling would help you.

It’s almost as though it manifests differently in different people isn’t it? If someone is indicating that they suffer from high levels of executive dysfunction and decision paralysis then it’s not absurd to suggest that ADHD might be playing a part. And the dysfunction the comes with ADHD very often does result in messiness in some people. It’s a bit strange to suggest that it doesn’t.

Corner sofa £999 available left or right handed
https://www.dfs.co.uk/arez/aez1zazae

It sounds like the concept of household things that are “yours” is a source of anxiety so your brain shuts down on the decision making.

Can you think of the things you need as not being for you but actually for your DC? So if you only have hooded baby towels at the moment, you’ll need bath towels soon so whatever you think is best for your DC then get double the amount and you use the second one. Don’t focus on, they are your DC’s towels, you just happen to be pressing the “+” button before going to checkout. Next time you’re in a supermarket buy two white duvet sets. Don’t thinking about it, just put the first white set you see in the trolley. If you have a Sainsbury’s with an Argos, get a hanging rail for now and coat hangers. Takes 2 minutes to put together and don’t have to worry about dimensions.

Sofa - don’t get bogged down thinking about stains etc in your sofa. Order whatever one you like best and get some cheap throws from IKEA.

If there is random stuff in your room you can’t face sorting out to put into different places then scoop it up just now and put into a container, you can go through it at your leisure sometime in future.

One step at a time though.

You do sound unwell. Like you’re not worthy of nice things, but you really are.
You’re not lazy, you ill.
Try and get some support and help and do just one task at a time. Perhaps start with some oven gloves.
I would make a call to the drs or go straight to a therapist. Baby steps. ❤️

OP, are you a perfectionist? The indecision over choosing a duvet cover suggests this. Does it feel that unless you can get it 100% exactly right and ' perfect'then you just won't bother at all as this feels more comfortable to You than potentially making the wrong choice?

@11ds if you don't like the idea of buying items, try to get one for free using freegle or similar. That way there are fewer decisions (although when you think about the reality of going to get it, you might actually buy one that will be delivered

OP, your post resonates so much with me.

I do have an oven mit bought years and years ago, but don't use it. I have a rug which I bought a year ago but it's still in the wrapping.

It's not about whether you have specific things or not. It's how you feel about them, whether you personally need or want them.

I look around my rooms wanting them to be in a homely condition, but although I have the money, I don't have the will or energy to do it. It means having to decide on things and if you have difficulty making personal choices, then why put yourself through it. Or if you do make a choice, then I spend weeks or months afterwards wondering whether it was the correct choice.

The thing is I want my house/home to be perfect, but it isn't. So I end up ignoring everything that needs to done.

People have said about getting someone to help you. But maybe you are like me and don't want anybody in your house to see the "real you".

And if no one comes I have even less of an inclination to change to do anything.

OP I get the massive indecision that leads to choosing nothing and then you convince yourself it’s a waste and it goes on. I’m like it and I’m like it with clothes. How I chose things for my flat was, get things that are really neutral, not mad expensive but the ‘nice’ ikea stuff, so it would last but I wouldn’t feel frivolous or like I’d chosen something that would be dated.

I’d actually start off with a nice bed linen set in white. Plain white goes with everything and I got my last nice one from Tescos! Even getting a hanging rail for your clothes feels more permanent than having them all on the floor. You are worth the basics and more. X

https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/ektorp-3-seat-sofa-with-chaise-longue-hakebo-dark-grey-s49509030/#content

Love my ektorp sofa, it's so comfy. And you can wash the covers easily etc. plus is £650 for this L shape style. As well as a sofa, buy yourself a bundle of towels, please OP. You deserve basic things at home.

ADHD can present in many many ways. Any clinician would consider ADHD in a differential diagnosis when presented with this level of executive dysfunction. No-one is calling your DH or DC unkempt or untidy.

Also La Redoute have a 50% off sale on at the moment, they have some nice (and not expensive) rugs and throws.

Buying a new duvet every month, that’s so wasteful. Think of helping the environment for your child if that helps. They’re next to the duvet covers so just grab one - or two if you can’t make your mind up. Far cheaper too!

OP, most of these problems would be solved with one trip to ikea! Get all the bits from there, towels, cheese grater etc. Take DS this weekend, it’s a fun day out for a toddler and you can get all the useful stuff for a reasonable price.

What's with always jumping straight to ADHD on threads ike this. DH and 2DC are diagnosed, they would never live this way. They're the opposite if anything. ADHD does not make you unkempt or untidy.
Our home is always visitor ready. DS1 is married. He knows his weaknesses. He hates ironing, cooking and paperwork. His DW does that, in return he does all the washing and cleaning of their home and cars, which are immaculate.

For whatever reason you have decision paralysis and a level of executive dysfunction( I have this recently agonised over a new washing machine)
Your DS is obviously loved very much as he clearly has everything and more
You seem to compartmentalise your home
It is your family home, and your haven
Do you have a trusted friend who could go through furniture choices with you?
In the interim you could put grey L shaped sofa into Facebook marketplace and see if the closest to you is available
Your DS needs to feel the whole house is his too
I suggest over the weekend you think of your favourite colour then either take DS to supermarket or order online 2 bath towels, 2 hand towels and a duvet cover set
Then in 2 weeks time, write a list of kitchen equipment and order again
I think it would be harder for you to choose in a physical shop without help.
You've taken the brave first step by posting
Slowly, you will create a lovely cosy home for you and DS, but don't look at the bigger picture just yet
Best wishes to you

The first step is the most difficult. Get yourself down to Dunelm and buy yourself some nice towels and bedsheets - you'll appreciate them. Start a list of what you need and add to it when you think of things - and then buy things gradually from that list, a little bit at a time.

If I was single I think I could live as you've described and really relate to the not buying myself a wardrobe.

Does it help to think of it as for DS? As in he will see your room/home like this and it will affect him eventually. He'll either worry about you or he'll learn and habits. When I struggle to do the right thing (ie keep my home tidy/engage with my kids instead of sitting on my phone ) I imagine they they'll remember everything from their childhoods or I imagine I'm in the big brother house and everyone is watching.

Hope you figure out a way to sort it out x

It sounds like you are reacting against this. You're trying to provide the opposite of that for your son, but when it comes to you, you feel like you don't really deserve it?

Imagine how you would feel if you spent a couple of thousand pounds on a really comfortable big bed for yourself and luxurious bed linen. Imagine you put that bed in your bedroom and put all your clothes away and got rid of all the crap and just lay in that bed in your brand new bedding.

How do you think you would feel?

Live how you like - if you're not bothered, it doesn't matter really. It is unusual though I would say! Bits of tissue and tags etc over bedroom - sadly I often have this too. Using your sleeve as an oven glove and not owning a wardrobe? Sorry but that's hilarious!!

If I were you, the only thing I really would make a effort to change (or change first as the case may be), would be the duvet cover. That one is a bit grim tbh. But also very easily fixed. If I had a wage like yours coming in, I'd spend so much on bedding!! So extra nice and cosy getting into bed with a nice duvet cover on that smells of detergent.

You have the money to seek help. Get a professional organiser to sort out your home. There is no need for you to live like this.

You'll get such a lovely sense of relief once you start doing it. Would it help if you tried to get yourself really excited about it? Looking on Pinterest etc so you can really imagine your new spaces. I put off buying a new sofa for ages as it's hard spending so much in one go. But you clearly worked hard for your savings and you deserve to spend it on some nice stuff for your home. Dunelm is another great place to pick all your stuff up in one go, their delivery service is great. Nows your chance to pick all your own stuff the way you couldn't as a kid!

OP - would it help to get a plain coverless duvet - do you don't need to worry about duvet covers?
What about buying a simple clothes rail & chest of drawers, if anything else is too much?

I've felt like you seem to - focus on the things you think you need (in your case the rooms your child uses) & then have no capacity for anything else (ie you). Sometimes you have to write a list of what you need, take some time out & get a load of things bought/done in that time slot. You'll probably feel a whole lot better.

Would it help if people told you what to buy? I don’t mean the sofa. But smaller stuff like the duvet cover and utensils.

OP I think you're getting a bad rap. I can understand how these things can slip away from you if it all starts to feel overwhelming. I can kinda relate. I don't have much money so can't really buy big items I need but I still refuse to buy myself cheap versions of them, because I want it to be perfect and am afraid of spending small amounts when I could be saving that for the more expensive versions. When you said you won't buy a duvet cover because you can't decide, I can relate to that perfectionism creating a freeze response.

Sounds like you can afford to buy five sets of duvet covers at once so maybe try that so you don't have to choose, and then rotate. Then you aren't forced to make a decision. İf you're worried about spending 1k of your savings on a sofa maybe you can afford one of their three year interest free payment plans?

İf you don't want to choose the perfect wardrobe, maybe for now just buy some storage boxes for your clothes. You can get nice ones in Asda for about £8 each.

Your house doesn't need to be perfect or Instagram friendly, or even the same as everyone else's, just functional.

Carve out an hour in your week for picking up the rubbish off the floor and tell yourself the paper bits are needed for the recycling.