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Lying husband help

115 replies

Laylaleela · 03/07/2024 20:23

Hi everyone.
Apologies if this is in the wrong section, I really wasn't sure where to put it.

For many many reasons, my marriage has been struggling for a while and my husband has become more and more emotionally abusive and shady and just horrible.

He recently took my bank card from me (I use his account normally as I am a sahm) and told me he'd transfer me £500 for the month. He said he wanted to save.

In March my dad kindly offered to lend us money to buy a car as ours had been written off. The agreement was once we received the settlement from the insurance company we would pay him that amount back, then the rest over time in installments. My husband agreed to this.

We received the money from the insurance whilst he was away with work. He said he'd pay it back once he was home in about a month.

when he returned he told me I'd spent half the money (I knew I hadnt) so only transferred half to my dad. He was adamant it was me.

I haven't looked through the online baking before, I'm ashamed to say but I just thought I'd have a look.

He has been transferring hundreds of pounds to a separate account which I have no access to. He's been doing this for months but suddenly upped the amount when we had the money from the car in there.

I can't believe he did it. I can't believe he had the audacity to do it in secret, lie and blame me for it.

I'm a fool for not checking the account sooner but I just trusted him and didn't think to.

I want to leave. This is one step too far and I am done 100%.

What do I do from here?

I don't suppose I have any rights to that money now he's sneaked it off. My poor dad now is out of pocket because of this ass.

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 04/07/2024 19:29

First things first OP. Make sure you have copies of the bank statements showing his transfers so that he can't hide the money in the divorce.

Helpfullright · 04/07/2024 19:27

It is fraud to use a card in someone else’s name without permission. By taking the card away he has removed permission.

how on earth do you not have a joint account!

StopInhalingRevels · 04/07/2024 19:26

Also, if the only income into the house is his wages, how much is that each month?

StopInhalingRevels · 04/07/2024 19:23

Take screenshots as far back as you are able, you'll need it when he lies some more in the divorce that the money doesn't exist.

Make a note of the account details he's transferring too.

44PumpLane · 04/07/2024 19:20

Honestly, is there enough cash in his account to take the rest of your Dad's money back? If so I'd simply take that and transfer it to your Dad or take it out in cash and give it to your Dad and get yourself out.

Although I hasten to add I don't know the legalities of taking money from your husband's account, but I guess all I'd say is how could he prove it was you and not just him paying the other half of the debt?

Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 19:15

Thanks everyone.
So it's not illegal if I take the card and use it anyway if needed?
I know where he's put it

OP posts:
Mouswife · 04/07/2024 18:55

It’s all joint marital assets ….

EatTheGnome · 04/07/2024 18:53

I'd also sell his stuff to make up the money.

EatTheGnome · 04/07/2024 18:53

First I'd tell your dad and hope for big hug and some support. Hopefully he will hold your hand a bit through this x

RandomMess · 04/07/2024 18:51

Well it would be financial abuse if he deliberately keeps you short.

Laylaleela · 04/07/2024 17:21

Thanks for your reply.
I've made an appointment with the solicitor.
Out of interest, does anyone know if he can legally take the card away from me and just give me a budget?
He's been buying so much for himself and left me and the kids with 500 for the month. Already done a food shop and got petrol and I don't see it lasting.

But the account is not joint. It's his, I just had access to it.

I'd be screwed if he refused to give me more because it won't last us a month.

OP posts:
Sunnydiary · 03/07/2024 20:29

Since you are married, the fact he’s squirrelled the money away is irrelevant, it’s still a marital asset.

Take screenshots of everything before he changes password on online acct or something.

You need legal advice. Good luck.

Laylaleela · 03/07/2024 20:29

RandomMess · 03/07/2024 20:26

Make sure you take the car with you!!

Luckily the car is in my name.
What do I do first? Do I need a lawyer?
I'm so angry.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/07/2024 20:26

Make sure you take the car with you!!

RandomMess · 03/07/2024 20:26

As you are married yes you do.