Lying husband help

This. Get screenshot.
Lawyer asap

I hate to say it but have you considered another woman? I ask this as my situation a few years back was nearly identical to this. Military family, ex had been deployed for 6 months and started an affair with a 21yr old whilst away. He came back and began squirreling money. In my experience ssafa and welfare officer were not much help and all closed ranks to protect him. I'd advise you to get a solicitor who specialises in military divorces and pensions, also there is a Facebook group if you want to message me I can give you details of. It's a group of ex military wives going through divorce and it's really helpful to have that support and knowledge on your side.

That will be a different Amazon account under a different email.

He’s leading some kind of secret life behind your back. OW? Addiction? Something else?

Do you have any bank accounts with your name on them? You mention that he confiscated the debit card—was it a card with his name on it, or was your name printed on the physical card? I’m concerned about financial abuse if you don’t have your own account, or at the very least, your name on a joint account.

Another woman or ?.
Get your thin gs in order

Can you see all the direct debits coming out of this account? As a PP has noted, with his salary and bills each month, it doesnt seem like there should be a huge amount of money to spend/transfer out, just wondering if he is in fact paying all the household bills?

He's controlling you with these small amounts of money and being selfish, so it isn't a healthy relationship. Planning for the future means you'll need to consider how you'll manage bills by yourself and working. Do you have your own bank account? Did you ever have a job? Your dad may be able to help, and citizens advice are great at explaining the basics. Worth coming up with a plan before going to the solicitor.

I would get a job asap and ask him for half the childcare. You need financial independence. Then leave.

Ask for a joint account, plan to return to work. Keep copies of everything

This is outrageous, OP, so glad you’re leaving him.

How long have you been together? Do you own any property together?

I’d start speaking to a solicitor about a divorce asap and talk about how he is hiding money.

Sorry, I have no idea about military life so this might sound crazy, Is there anyone you can speak to about his behaviour, like his superior?

Do not confront
Do not tell him anything

Go to welfare
Get support and know your rights first
Get in a position where you can act safely

@Laylaleela go onto his bank and in his payees list you will see the names of the banks with the accounts sort codes and account numbers. make a note of them and then go onto his account and run through all the items. you can find out how much he has squirrelled away just by doing that. you will need those numbers because he will no doubt try to deny the accounts. remember accounts go back for seven years online!!

Military is different so ignore advice that doesn’t come with this experience.

They WILL take action and not allow you to be left short. They’ll house you (he will be made to leave) for 3 months, they’ll also pay full moving costs and there is a charity where they’ll pay your first month rent and bond too.

And there’s no scenario whatsoever that you run the risk of being left without the ability to feed yourself - they’d give you money and deduct from his wages and he wouldn’t be given an option.

Get yourself to welfare urgently.

Send backups of your screenshots to several different emails - make a new account and possibly also mail to a friend or your dad.

Definitely stay quiet until you've spoken to a solicitor.

If he gets wind that you're checking up on him, he'll probably change passwords and cut your access completely, make sure you get hold of any piece of evidence that you can while you have access.

I know you said one account was a savings account, is the other in his name too?

This.

Don't give him a heads up to start hiding anything else or inventing cover stories

If you can manage to stay quiet, do. Possibly safer that way.

Get the child benefit paid into your own bank account to start with.
See a solicitor
Make plans to leave

Surely if you left with the card he would just declare it lost anyway or transfer any money into that account to one of the others he has.

As others have said I would go back and screen shot as far back as you can on bank statements. Even better if you can print them out, easier to highlight transfers, big purchases for himself to demonstrate financial abuse.

Also, get hold of any paperwork relating to any other assets you might have together. Take passports, any important documents etc.

Essentially the most important thing is leaving and seeing a solicitor. He’s behaving this way because he thinks he can get away with it, you need to show him that he can’t. Anything he has is half yours if you divorce, possibly even spousal maintenance and a settlement on his pension etc since you are reliant on him financially as a stay at home mum.