My restrictive eating triggers people

@Cadelo

can I ask for a typical days food

I need tips!

If you want to take the scales, take the scales. I lost a similar amount to you, and I took scales too. It wasn't obsessive, I just wanted, and did, keep an eye on where I was. People that haven't lost a lot of weight have no understanding of the process and challenges that you've undertaken. That is fair enough, but their opinion of how you should do you, doesn't matter a jot. Other, less pleasant people, want you to fail and to regain the weight, either because they have failed to lose theirs, or because they dislike your new confidence and 'status'. Ignore the lot of them, you've done brilliantly, keep doing what works for you. Congratulations!

I'd message your sister in advance and ask her nicely not to make an issue about what you do or don't choose to eat on the holiday. Remind her that you have had eating disorders in the past and that you have found a way of eating that works for you and keeps you healthy. Then if she starts have a brief brush off mantra ready - please don't Jane, like I said I am happy with my choices. And just keep repeating it every time till she stops bugging you.

They’re probably the same type of people who don’t like it if you’re not guzzling as much alcohol as them.

I'm not sure this is comparable?

An alcoholic still has to drink, but they wouldn't drink alcohol. They'd choose water/squash/cola etc.

Just as people don't have to eat rubbish, just because they have to eat?

Aside from this issue, do you enjoy going on holiday with them?

Remember, you don’t have to go on holiday together just because they’re family. We once invited one of DH’s sisters and her husband away with us…never again! We all get along, but we’re very different people.

I think you need to have an honest conversation with her (pleasant, not tetchy, you come across as very reasonable in your posts, so it shouldn't be a problem). Explain that you had serious weight issues at one time, it's not something you want to over discuss, but you'd prefer her not to make a fuss over what you eat. You shouldn't have to do this in fairnness, but if it means she stops it'll be worth it.

What does your title mean?

How does it "trigger" people? All I see from your posts is people having an opinion, which is none of their business tbh.

So who is "triggered"??

She sounds insufferable and really rude. I’d limit eating with her. Your choice was exactly what I’d have chosen.

Can't you enjoy yourself on holiday and detox for a week/2weeks after? That's all it takes for me to lose holiday bloat and it's so worth being able to relax while away.

Do you not think that people who weigh themselves daily know that? You are far more likely to notice the fluctuations when you weigh yourself daily than you are if you weigh weekly for instance. People tend to have an ideal weight and 3lbs either way is fine for example but any more/less than that they adjust their diet.

How did your dh and sil learn you were ‘fat’ if you lost the weight before you met?

It's unfortunately true. After I lost the first two stone, I was constantly told I was 'wasting away', I looked 'unwell' and that I should forget dieting because everyone gains it back anyway.

I was still 3 stone from a healthy BMI and my waist was 35+ inches.

there is middle ground, do your friends and family never comment or intervene if they're worried about your behaviours, eating or otherwise?

do they go in gang ho straight away or do gentle check-ins and try to be kind?

It seems to me they and your DH are slightly worried about and trying to flag it to you without being mean, but might be worried you are being obsessive and if my loved one was bringing a scale on holiday and doing what i considered to be under eating or obsessive with food, I would try to address it as nicely as possible.

I would be worried about you.

I'm a daily weigher too. I've never been overweight and don't want to be, I enjoy being slim. I know all about fluctuations in weight but have a range that I like to stay between.

I don't understand why people need other people to 'enjoy their food' to enjoy their own. I only ever pay attention to what I'm eating, if we are all sat around at a meal together I honestly don't see what difference it makes if I pick the salad and you pick the lasagne. I never comment on anyone else's food, I eat and enjoy mine even if I have picked it because it fits in with my daily calorie intake. You eat yours and enjoy yours and mind your own business.

Just have a few sips of wine. No one is forcing you to binge drink. Doesn’t mean you can’t be responsible about what you choose to put into your body.

Someone tell AA they can disband! 😂

Well done on losing 60lbs. It seems you still let food dominate your life, maybe you need therapy.

I haven't RTFT so forgive me if I'm repeating, but just wanted to lend my support. How you eat and what you eat is entirely up to you! And I speak as someone who's always been very conscious of my weight, never been fat but always thought I was, got older and realised how ridiculous that was as I started to gain weight and actually get a bit fat around menopause, lost some again, am managing to stay an okay weight by doing 16:8 but tbh will always be minor-league obsessed with my weight because, well, toxic diet culture, the patriarchy, etc. People who get annoyed by your eating habits are doing so because of their own shit - I would 100% get triggered too, but am fully aware that it's my own issue to deal with so I would keep my mouth shut. It's like trying to make people drink, or drink more, who don't want to - it's alllll about the person doing the nagging, and how the naggee makes them feel about their own intake/habits. Tune it out, rise above it. Let them deal with it.

It's fine to eat what you want and you just have to ignore people's comments. They are a reflection of them and their own issues, not a reflection on you. I do think weighing yourself every day is a little obsessive. Weight fluctuates over the month due to all sorts of things (ovulation etc) so if it goes up and down by a couple of pounds over the weeks, it's not significant.

I weigh myself daily - its really not that unusual, and I do it for the same reasons as the OP, I hate having to be in a calorie deficit for any real period of time, so I'd rather just cut back for a single day if I've put some weight on the day before. I wouldn't go so far as to take scales on holiday, but I do consciously think "are my clothes feeling a bit tight" when I'm away. Food is a huge part of the enjoyment of life for me - so I'll enjoy what I cook, what I eat, just do it in moderation so I never have to go through the whole rigmarole of a long term diet. And having a couple of slices of pizza and a salad is hardly starving yourself!

I don’t think you do see food like fuel though do you?

I think your relationship with food is far more complex and tied up with your feelings and your past and past unhappiness than that. You say do yourself on your post. This isn’t a criticism, I’d say the vast majority of people’s relationship with food is more complex than “it’s just fuel”. mine is!

But it doesn't matter what they think, it's none of their business and the more the OP engages with this nasty woman the more she will go on bullying her about this issue now and other issues in the future, She needs to stop letting her get to her and tell her in words of one syllable to mind her own business.

You've done an incredible thing in making healthier choices for yourself, and then also figuring out a strategy to help you sustain these new habits (this is especially rare). Really well done, OP!

Please ignore and/or stay away from anyone who gives you a hard time or tries to suggest you are the 'disordered' one. Including many of the posters in this thread! As well as your SIL, and any other unpleasant family members, and soon to be ex-friends.

You know what's really disordered? Shovelling a wholly unnecessary excess of unhealthy food and drink down our gullets, when we know perfectly well how harmful this is to our health and wellbeing. As almost all people do these days. Just because it's become the norm doesn't make it is any less disordered.

This is so true and very common. It's even worse if you used to drink and have chosen to give up or cut right down. People seem to take it incredibly personally.