My restrictive eating triggers people

No, that's not the way I eat, but really nor does it fit op from her posts, but that's because your account is a fictional exaggeration to suit your narrative.
Nothing you said here is close what op is describing.

I just think people who are self aware enough to have recognised they have behavioural tendencies or habits (on whatever life issue) that are doing them no favours and making them miserable, and are strong enough to recalibrate their choices to chart a different path (so many people are not), and then knowing that they can't, as some others can, take their eye off the ball because those old ways could easily take over again, are just being honest with themselves and don't need to be accused of being miserable.

If she was performance starving, banging on about it when the menus were handed out, never shutting up about how many calories are in this or that and gazing at your chips while nibbling a cracker.. then yeah I'd get your point. But op is saying the opposite is true.

If you’re having next to nothing at breakfast why not just skip it, as part of your IF?

Amen!

This was not directed at the OP.

But that's not what she does and you know that. Your strong reaction to someone choosing what they eat and your exaggeration of someone chossing a lower cal meal for their next one would seem to indicate that you have a problem with food.

@Cadelo Do you generally get on with your SIL? Do you want to go on holiday with her?

I was genuinely curious if she likes it or is she too petrified to do otherwise becuase of past trauma- because the latter needs therapy (as is taking scales on holiday to check the weight daily, it's not really normal). There is proactive and there batshit crazy. I would not enjoying meals or holidaying with someone who stands on the scale as they eat an icecream to be 'proactive' about maintaining their weight and then eats a bowl of lettuce for the next month. Maybe you do the same so you understand the unhealthy obsession?

Oh, I totally relate to this. I lost 100lbs many years ago and, for the most part, it's all still off. I'm not as strict as I was for the first 10 years, but I still have to be very careful as I have PCOS and I neither gain nor lose weight like a normal person.

At my craziest strictest... my partner and I went travelling around around America for a year in 2010 and I packed a George Foreman grill in my suitcase to take with me. lol So, rest assured, you're not alone!

but why? The Op is happy with what she eats and when she eats it. Why should the opinions of others change that?

I would put money on the sister-in-law not being ‘concerned’ for the OP.

I am naturally slim but if I have huge meals one day, I might eat less the next. Just to keep a sense of balance. In no way am I ‘punishing’ myself.

I don't think she waves the scales about over the dinner table. From what she says, she just chooses what to eat and drink. her husband let it out about the scales.

@godmum56 fair enough that sounds really annoying !! And I agree that the people who put the most pressure on are the people with the problem - I’m teetotal myself so very much know the feeling.

But that’s why I thought maybe OP needs to be extra discrete if there is underlying issues with the SiL 😊

An alcoholic can go into dangerous withdrawal without a drink. ‘Food addicts’ meanwhile can survive just fine without a donut or two. They are not comparable scenarios - you’re simply attempting to justify your own bad habits.

She sounds awful. I have been naturally slim all my life and have no eating issues, but I have had these kinds of comments which are so damn wearing. From family too.

Just for a peaceful life, if she asks, you could pretend you didn’t bring the scales. You shouldn’t have to lie but it might get her off your back…

Lucky you - but as my metabolism has slowed down as I've aged, it takes several weeks for me to shift even 5lb

What weights do you lift OP?

Sorry, but taking scales on holiday is hard evidence of your disordered thinking with food, despite your protestation about viewing food as fuel. You view it as the enemy that has to be defeated on a daily basis!!

You clearly know that your weight will naturally fluctuate daily due to a number of things besides the food you’ve consumed, such as the weather and humidity, etc. and that a couple of pounds increase over a week on holiday isn’t actually fat deposits, but likely due to water retention which will disappear naturally when you get back home and back to your normal eating habits.

Please seriously consider seeing an eating disorders therapist or a good hypnotist and definitely try leaving the scales at home and learn to trust yourself. You can overcome this obsessive behaviour.

@Tulipsareredvioletsarebue well that's one interpretation I suppose.
Personally I read it as 'managed her eating' not 'punished herself for having an ice cream'. Sounded proactive not miserable. Which is another way to look at it.
But maybe you have narrow views of what happy looks like.

I have been in similar circs. We used to run my inlaws pub for them while they took a holiday every year. it was blooming hard going. We knew a lot of the regulars and it was difficult to get some of them to understand that we were there to work and that drinking with them all day was not going to happen when our working day was 6am to midnight. They were customers so whatever we did to refuse had to be polite. You quickly run out of ways to nicely say no thank you. For avoidance of doubt, I have no issues with alcohol except it makes it blooming hard to get up at 6am the next day....for further info, the people who put the most pressure on were the people who had their own obvious alcohol issues. This may or may not be relevant

I have never eaten a lot. Always been thin not super thin. I have never had anyone comment on my eating nor insist I am weird for not eating much. I often order a starter portion oif we go out to dinner. If I am not hungry I don’t eat. I would find it very odd behaviour if people insisted I eat when I was not hungry. That is a them problem not a you problem. What business is it of anyone else what you eat?

and if taking scales give a you reassurance go for it. But you just need to be conscious you don’t let your weight drop too low.

But she also takes bloosy scales on holiday and punishes herself for eating an icecream or whatever by restricting her diet for a week or so. Looks like a very healthy relationship with food!
I was also asking her, not you, if she is actully enjoying this diet, because actively picking stuff she may not enjoy out of pure fear she will gain a 200 gramms does not look particularly enjoyable.