Once spent most of the past 3 years in bed, without anyone knowing…

Are you always so aggressive?

My list was clearly meant to be things to aim for, rather than a "get up at 7am tomorrow and get cracking" itinerary...

This is what I was thinking. I recently had blood tests because of constantly feeling exhausted and have been diagnosed with overactive thyroid. Please get checked out because it could be something other than depression

When you say your iron is a bit low, you have tried supplementing?

I was barely getting by 3 years ago - I ached when I got out of bed, I had no motivation, but now I'm not bad - at least I'm not constantly tired and I do have bursts of productivity (although focus can still be an issue - but it always has)

I make sure I take 13mg iron, a multi-vit, St Johns Wort high strength (you can't mix this with your ADs), and lately Ashwaganda root which I think is helping.

The biggest change came from the iron/multivit - my periods are stupidly heavy, and I must have just been anaemic.

But are you holding down some kind of WFH job from your bed, OP? Otherwise, if you're living on benefits, surely someone has diagnosed you with something, even if you don't feel it accounts for all your symptoms, in order to qualify?

This is nonsense, the last thing OP wants is doing chores to please someone else. It is too big a first step for someone that spends hours in bed.

Have just seen your update about suspected ASD.

A diagnosis does not give you support but it does give you strategies. And it stops the self blame.

If you can possibly afford it, I would try and arrange a meeting with a licensed psychologist who specialises in FEMALE autism diagnosis.

Many gps are very ignorant about the way female ASD manifests itself, which can be very different from the way it manifests itself in boys. Ignore them. Get yourself on the list. Even if it takes a year or more, it’s worth it to get properly assessed. It’s not a bandwagon. Many older females are undiagnosed.

Also, as ASD is genetic, you need to know for the sake of your child.

Forgot:
Volunteering.
Especially at dog shelters, cat rescues, donkey sanctuaries, hedgehog habitat preservation groups.....

I've heard good things about EMDR as well, though I've not tried it. Certainly worth exploring.

And having a schedule, a timetable. With alarms on your phone.

Plus:

• healthy Mediterranean-type diet. Low UPF/refined carbs/sugar - lots of vegetables and some protein, basically.
• daily exercise. Yoga with Kassandra, Lucy Wyndham Read, Heather Robertson, Growingannanas, Caroline Girvan...
• going out at least once a day - a long walk, meeting a friend, shopping.
• finding/rediscover a hobby - playing the piano, messing with acrylics painting, knitting - anything that brings joy.
• reading one poem and/or listening to one special piece of music a day

Sorry - missed your question. One of the treatments for ADHD is medication, either stimulant or non-stimulant. It can be transformational.

Your GP is not 'very good' if he gives adult Autism an eye roll.

Look at any YouTube footage by Dr Russell Barkley. He is incredibly informative on ADHD. Also look at Jessica McCabe, 'How to ADHD' also on YouTube.

I'm on the waiting list for assessment...

Hello op.

This happened to me once and it was my life situation. I hated the city I was living in. And I felt like I had no control over my life. Once that changed, my mood and motivation changed massively.

Sometimes depression is a big warning gong that you are living the wrong life.

Op I know it takes a lot of energy, and financial outlay, but can you possibly move? What is tying you to this town you hate?

It’s incredibly hard being a single parent and it does tie you to a certain routine which can feel like a straitjacket. So be selfish about how you manage the circumstances of your life.

If you can’t move, is there anything you can change about your life circumstances to make them even marginally easier for you?

What about work? Could you start volunteering or doing a few hours of something you enjoy? Don’t worry about that though if it’s too much to contemplate atm.

It’s good that you are on ADs. Give them time. Sometimes though, actual rl change is necessary.

If that is not possible, can you join a single parents group and meet people with similar life circumstances? Then maybe you could join a baby-sitting circle? That might allow you to pursue an interest one evening a week?

Also, don’t answer this here, but who are you really op? How would you describe yourself in a paragraph if you didn’t have depression? What are your interests and ambitions? What do you want ideally? How would you fill your time if you didn’t have to earn money or if you didn’t have a child?

Sometimes when serious depression kicks in, it’s bc you have strayed too far from who you really are bc of life circumstances. Try and take small steps to get back to that central description of yourself.

What do you enjoy doing op? Whatever it is, give yourself permission to do it. Don’t be too conscientious! I got in to a terrible pickle with rigid thinking, that I had to be the perfect parent and cook and clean and earn money before I could “earn” the privilege of doing something creative that I enjoyed. In fact, once I did a few things I enjoyed, I felt hugely better. And it helped me do the other things.

Most importantly: please know that your child will be happy if you are happy so try and arrange your life to make it as pleasant as possible for you. You don’t need permission. Be selfish.

Also, it’s really important to make sure that sleep, food and exercise are all sorted, and as others have mentioned, that you have plenty of B12, Vit D, magnesium in your system.

Also, go back to gp until some form of therapy is arranged for you. Tell them it is a matter of urgency and that you are in charge of a young child and you need help to be able to cope?

Please do not give up. You have to grit your teeth and tackle this but I am living proof that it is possible to recover and come out the other side. And at one point I didn’t think that would be possible. I’m not the same as I was before I had depression, but the difference now is that I appreciate every moment of life without it. Even the crap bits!

Also, don’t be too reticent if you have a friend who is a fellow mother at school. You say that no one knows you are depressed but why not try opening up a bit? Most people can sense more about you than you imagine so they may have an idea that something is not quite right. Tell them. A problem
shared etc … it takes a lot of energy to keep up appearances and effectively live a lie. You are not ok. You are ill. You are doing the best you can. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Sending strength to you 💐

If you are researching treatment, have a look at EMDR. My friend who has PTSD had it and it was life changing.
I don't know if it's suitable for everyone but worth looking into.

I wish you well

When I read your OP, I wondered about either ADHD or ASD, so it's very interesting what you've now said.

I think it would absolutely be worth looking into.

And btw yes I think it’s all linked to the abusive relationship and your body trying to get you through, I am the same myself x

I'm so sorry OP. I don't know what to say that won't sound trite and I'm sure you've tried it but for me going for a walk, taking a bath, going shopping for food or walking to a cafe and reading first thing after dropping DC off helped.

I'd bet you are experiencing a delayed reaction from the abuse. Mine wasn't too bad compared to what some experience, but after a day where I'd been shouted at I would drop DC off and then lie on my bed for literally hours. It's tough.

So sorry you are going through this I also have ptsd due to a bad relationship, violent assaults etc decades ago.I had a bad breakdown 6 years ago and I still live with crippling anxiety, depression and agoraphobia so the breakdown actually feels like it made it all worse.

To get myself back on track and get through any day let alone the bad days I have a little routine. I don’t and won’t take antidepressants as when i did years ago made everything far worse.

It means I have set household chores, or life admin to do each week day, for me this is usually in the mornings. Then I focus on hobbies (I literally make myself do them even if not enjoyable or else the symptoms and staying in bed come back) lunch to mid afternoon. And then maybe a film or tv show or a book for an hour or so in the evening.

So for example I’ll do life admin say on a Wednesday and get the food shop for the week so that’s the bills paid, everything organised make myself open letters, meal plan done so no need to think and the food in the house to get us through the week. Then that afternoon for example I’ll attempt a hobby, or maybe go for a walk or very occasionally get a coffee out.

Then say Thursday I do the washing all morning then in the afternoon I have a set hobby to do each Thursday, for example read a chapter of my book with a hot chocolate, watch an episode of a tv show and sort out the front garden.

The set routine is the only thing that really helps and means things get done.

Fresh air and garden/nature does help once I can make myself do it but I know how hard it is.

I am a diagnosed PMDD sufferer.
PMDD is linked to your menstrual cycle, it impacts different people differently, but the majority report suicidal feelings and ideation 3-4 days before their period is due, serious depression until day 3 of their period and then it eases off and these low feelings semi stop as your period stops and comes back 3-4 days before you are due on again.
it is very cyclical and what you describe seems more permanent than PMDD, so it’s not likely to be that, as PMDD is a medical issue and yours seems emotional.
However, a low/depressive mood coupled with PTSD is an issue - have you tried CBT or RET? I had RET after being assaulted at work left me with PTSD and it’s done wonders, rather than anti depression pills as I can’t tolerate any more bloody tablets.

Try the book ‘Love yourself like your life depends on it’ by Ravikant.

Amazing book that got me out of a dark place. Read the book and do the exercises without fail as much as you can. Hourly, maybe more. Do it for you. Very simple tasks that can be done from your bed.

A daily walk. Make a calendar and colour every day you manage a walk. Aim to colour your calendar. You can get a print out of a trees where you colour the leaves each day you walk.

I would go for very small, simple things and track the small progress. And celebrate each small success.

That book is simple but effective

Extreme and disabling PMT

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder

Ah my mum did this in my teens. Just stayed in bed apart from work. A bad break up triggered it. No one knew it was happening.

I would say maybe you should just go for it and rest? If you feel up to it you could take up a hobby like crochet, something you can do sitting down on the sofa with a blanket on at least.

Of course walks outside in the fresh air, eating more fresh veg, all the usual lifestyle advice for depression will help but it's not going to be an instant cure. Just do what you can.