To be at my wit's end with DS's table manners.

I'd have nipped this in the bud when he was 4 or 5. Don't try to use a knife and fork don't eat. Why have you let him do this for so many years without stopping him?

I'm stunned at the people on here, trying to say that being neurodivergent somehow stops them from being able to close their mouth. It's just not true!

Well, stop! It's disgusting and is teaching your DC to have appalling table manners. My DD is ND and doesn't eat like a dog. At least close your mouth whilst you're chewing

Ok I see. Must be hard, if you genuinely can’t help it. Thanks for explaining.

So you presumably breathe through your mouth?!?! So is your mouth always open then? I can't imagine doing that, my mouth is always closed unless talking or putting food/drink in it.

I used to date a mouth breather 20 years ago. It gave me the ick. He was always like 👄👄👄

My mil chews with her mouth open, making loud smacking noises and spitting bits of masticated food across the table. She's 84 so nothing is going to change, but it's really difficult to enjoy time with her because of it. Even a biscuit with a cuppa gets shared with the entire room. It's nauseating.

Don't let your DS continue this way. He's either dyspraxic or lazy.

I'd start with a bib or apron with sleeves for mealtimes, cutting up his food for him and making him eat with civility, removing his plate if he ignores me.

You're describing my DS! He's 6 but I'm so done with it already! Add to it that he also keeps standing up, he just can't sit down fr more than a minute before he's up getting a toy or something else and I have to constantly ask him to sit back down.

Watching the tips with interest so I don't have another 6 years of this! His brother is 3 and makes no mess at all, always uses cutlery and washes his hands as soon as he's finished. DS1 will consistently wipe them on his clothes or the chair. Drives me bananas!

My DS(9) struggles with using a knife and fork (although he does use them), and often accidentally drops food around the plate and down himself and on the floor. He has been assessed recently by an educational psychologist for academic reasons but she also asked about other things and she was interested about his difficulties with cutlery and eating cleanly. DS can’t also perceive if there is food on his face - again she was interested and overall she suspects he has Dyspraxia. Have a look online and see if anything resonates.

Of course, your DS could not just GAF but I read on here once that someone else had this with their DD. Her table manners improved sharpish in y7 once she was at secondary and the other kids were disgusted at her eating behaviour.

I was on a tour group holiday with an ex-friend years ago and we went to a country pub for dinner, along with others on the tour. Most of us ordered steak and my friend picked it up with her hands and started biting bits off it, putting it down and using her knife and fork to eat the vege etc, before picking the steak up again, repeat. I nearly died of embarrassment, she was oblivious, and the others on the group looked on in horror. I have no idea why on earth she was thinking or why she didn’t observe others eating the steak with their cutlery.

What punishment do you give for him being lazy and eating like a pig?

I'm autistic and dyspraxic and I have to plan my meals properly or wear an apron because I have poor spatial awareness, grip control, hand eye coordination and sensory issues.

So yes, as adults it can still be incredibly hard to eat properly because of this.

Is he dyspraxic or could he have another neurodivergence? My children were like this but they have ASD/dyspraxia. They eat normally now they have grown up but are still a bit messy leaving small bits of food on the table. Don’t stress too much.

Are you saying that you as an adult can not learn how to eat properly because of this?

Does he eat properly in different settings? Like a restaurant or a fancier dinner at someone's house?

It can indicate dyspraxia, which not many people know about or know to look out for.

@Decompressing2 my son is like this but I’ve not heard it being described in this way. Can you elaborate and is there anything I can do about it?

I'd make him.wear a bib for a start.

Get him some napkins so he doesn't have to use his clothes

Is he interested in finding a boy/girlfriend? If so tell him he needs to eat nicely to practice for any dates

I’d mention the mouth open each time. Drives me bonkers.

Make sure it’s food he cannot rip up, where he has to use his cutlery. It is is a sandwich maybe try cutting it up tiny like for a baby

Put a bigger consequence in place?

My kids (8 & 13) are horrendous at time keeping and are always late despite count downs and prompting.

For every 1 minute they are late I deduct 15 minutes from screen time. They kicked up merry hell but guess what!??! They're rarely more than 1 minute late any more!

Even if he is ND he can still learn and respond to social etiquette. It may take longer with slightly lower expectations but certainly improvements could be made on what you are describing.

If you are certain he isn’t ND I would do the same as other posters have said, go zero tolerance. He is being selfish and making everyone else’s meal times less enjoyable. I know 5 and 6 year olds who are capable of better table manners.

We are ND and eat like this

He's got bad table manners. There is no excuse unless he is physically unable to hold a knife and fork. Manners are about how you make other people feel. He doesn't care that he makes everyone else feel sick. I'd take the plate away. Stop making me feel sick or don't eat.
For background, DS would eat very little as a very small child. After consulting my GP we let him get on with eating crisps and cottage cheese for a while, but he sat at meals and whatever we had, he had. Our food was much more interesting than crisps and cottage cheese so he began to eat - it was only a phase of months - and he was taught table manners. Two sets, one with knives and forks, (starting with 'knife to the right, fork to the left' - I am appalled how many young people do not eat like this nowadays, ditto my late DH who was left-handed but nevertheless followed this rule!) the other set teaching the ability to pick up food with a chappati and eat with his right hand only, left hand to sit in lap, not touch the food, and right hand to stay clean as used for drinking glass at said meal. Could manage both sets of manners by the time he was five. Don't let your DS continue to upset everyone at meals.

I heard very recently of a mum telling her pre teen dd that yes, she can have her ears pierced - once she starts invariably keeping her mouth closed while eating without being prompted!