To be at my wit's end with DS's table manners.

Well, this thread is certainly making me feel better about my own parenting.

No child wants to piss off their parents unless they've learnt that's the only attention they'll ever get.

My DD has trouble eating with her mouth closed, holding on to cutlery etc. I used to get smacked for the same things and I remember how much I feared family meals as a result. Once I was old enough to move out I avoided eating with my parents for years. I didn't go back to see them from one year to the next, because it was part of a bigger pattern of being continually punished it shamed for not being a good enough person.

I turn out to be autistic and possibly dyspraxic, just very good at masking. Which was smacked into me.

So I bought my DD special cutlery that's easier to hold, and limit how much she has to cut. We don't shame. We all have napkins when we have a messy meal, and I point out people on TV who use them (if Poirot keeps his clothes nice by fucking his napkin into his collar, then it must be ok). We have posture cushions for chairs at home. We eat a lot of meals picnic style.

Ffs. Some if you are actively emotionally abusive.

This is not discipline. It’s something a child would likely be traumatised by for the rest of their life.

Can you imagine in later life this child writing on Mumsnet, “I have issues around eating in public because when I was a child my mother didn’t like how I ate so she made me sit on the floor and took away my food.”

????

As @ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat says, what the hell is wrong with you?

You've just described my brother
Wonder what causes it

@Grammarnut harm and distress over not eating properly? Really?

How about the rest of the table mind their own business/plate so they don't get THAT distressed ?

No, it really isn't. It's discipline. If someone is doing something which causes others harm or distress and they won't stop doing it then one uses various sanctions, once having tried reasoning. And losing screen time is a good thing - it's very bad for children to spend hours in front of screens.
And if you are teaching the lesson that food is to be eaten in a manner which does not upset the rest of the table then taking the food away and not giving a snack later is one very useful way of doing that. Rousseau was wrong about how children learn.

You do realise this is abusive?

I’m shocked by some of the responses on this thread. Embarrassing someone in a restaurant for eating a certain way?! Making a child sit on the floor and taking away food?! I’m a stickler for table manners but these punishments and reactions are borderline abusive!

Sit her on the floor. Tell her that's where she stays till she can eat like a human being. And take away her food. Do not later give her something snacky to eat. Or, use sanctions e.g. every time she drops her fork/knife, falls off the chair etc that is 10 minutes off her screen time. And enforce it.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Sit her on the floor. Tell her that's where she stays till she can eat like a human being. And take away her food. Do not later give her something snacky to eat. Or, use sanctions e.g. every time she drops her fork/knife, falls off the chair etc that is 10 minutes off her screen time. And enforce it.

He could have dyspraxia. Don’t be so hard on him.

The suggestions on this thread aren’t parenting. They’re horrible and humiliating. This kid is doing really well in every other way, there is just this one thing he is struggling with. Do you really think humiliating and berating him will work? Taking his food away? Putting a mirror in front of him to show him how ‘disgusting’ he is?

As a parent it’s your job to guide your kids so they know the right way to behave. It’s not your job to punish and humiliate them. Seriously, people need to find other ways to discipline their children. Horrible.

I like the mirror idea make him watch how disgusting he looks while eating .
We were on holiday a few years ago and I was sat facing the table behind ours and the woman was eating like an actual animal shoveling food in and chewing with her mouth wide open it was absolutely vile I loudly asked my partner to swap seats because she was knocking me sick , she got up and left very red faced

Is it fuck.

It’s called parenting. Pretty integral to teaching kids how to function in society so they can grow into well-adjusted, happy and successful adults.

If these basic skills aren’t learned when young, it leads to a harsh and brutal wake-up call later on. It’s literally a
parent’s JOB to equip their kid with the means to survive in the world. It’s a responsibility that can’t be shirked and if it is, it’s the child that suffers.

You need much bigger/firmer consequences. If the consequence isn't working its pointless.

I find this thread bonkers.

Using food as punishment, not giving them a chair, removing food until a certain standard is met, telling children their eating habits are disgusting and unacceptable etc. If this was used for anything else but table manners ,most people would be up in arms and talking about the possible damage and creating issues around food . Chewing with their mouth open though? Gotta bully that shit out of them!

I have misophonia and eating is my major trigger. If my daughter (8) slips and chews with her mouth open she gets told in no uncertain terms that it's disgusting, and absolutely unacceptable.

I would be telling him firmly, I wouldn't try to sugar coat it or be gentle. It's revolting, and there's no excuse for it. If he's susceptible to peer pressure I would also play the 'your friends won't want to be around you while you eat if you carry on like that.

Failing that, as others have said, take the plate away unless he at the very least (as a start) closes his mouth while he chews.

Agree.
@EnglishBluebell You can’t imagine doing that? …. Imagine having no choice as it’s your only way to breathe and stay alive! My dd is a mouth breather due to a nasal problem - surgery is the only answer, which will alter her facial features - she’s chosen not to have the surgery yet, she’s not ready. Pleased I don’t know you irl .. you give me the ick.

what An ignorant and nasty comment

This is not ‘normal’ you should get him checked for any nd. The other option us to totally ignore it as he may be attention seeking

My 11 year old is similar (also starting high school in September). He uses a knife and fork well but we cannot get him to chew with his mouth closed, whereas his 8 year old brother has done this for years! I’ve tried everything except a sticker chart. I’m now going to reward him chewing with his mouth closed WITHOUT being reminded with a sticker each mealtime; stickers will add up to FIFA points. It’s my last resort to be honest, and he’s up for it. He’s an angel child, but just cannot seem to grasp this. We joke at mealtimes that he’ll take a date out for dinner and they’ll say ‘xxx is so handsome and kind and funny but he eats like a dog’ and refuse to see him again 🤣

We took away DS' chair for years as then we didn't need to constantly remind him how to sit on his chair and could just focus on manners around actually getting food into his mouth.
It's also got better as he's got older as we have many fewer family meals as we rarely eat at the same time due to clashing clubs and other activities in the evenings. We probably only sit down & eat as a family now about three times a week and for those occasions he can manage to have average table manners.
There will still be a mess all around him but then there will be around me too which is due to some form of something like dyspraxia.

OP, sorry for all the replies you’re getting telling you things you already know/are doing 🙄.

My DS is exactly the same age and not quite as bad, but he still has the worst table manners in the family.

I think some of the suggestions here are quite shaming — my guess is that for the most part he doesn’t know he’s doing it and just needs constant reminders.

Is he very hungry at mealtimes? My DS loves his food and I think sometimes in the rush to eat he just forgets.

My tack (which sort of works) is to just constantly and gently remind him with one or two words in a quiet voice:

“DS, knife and fork.”
“DS, mouth closed.”
”DS, slow down a bit.”

Don’t embarrass him or call him disgusting etc. Just remind him all the time.

(I got this from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen btw, which I would highly recommend.)

No, but sometimes it’s a factor, and not being able to breathe through your nose DEFINITELY is a factor!

Wow the judgement here is huge!

For information, if you have a condition where you cannot breathe through your nose, then you will eat/chew with your mouth open, simply because you need to breathe as you eat! 🙄
I'm autistic and dyspraxic and I have to plan my meals properly or wear an apron because I have poor spatial awareness, grip control, hand eye coordination and sensory issues. Excellent explanation by @Jimmyneutronsforehead

Poor eating habits are not necessarily due to being lazy 🙄