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Original poster

Partner didn't drive me to my C-section appointment

423 replies

LoopyDays · 03/07/2024 11:32

He decided he would go to work on the day of my C-section, and decided it would be okay for me to get on 2 buses to go to the hospital with my heavy suitcase, even though I'm walking gingerly at 39 weeks pregnant. He said he'd meet me there once the action starts, (but not a second before, what with the epidural injection, the prep and checks, he doesnt want to see all that) so no emotional support, nor help, not even help with packing from the day/night before. Instead he was hanging out with friends last night til 12midnight.
I decided last minute to get an Uber, £17 to the hospital, and I've taken a screenshot of the fare so he can pay it. I don't see why he couldn't give me a lift instead, and then come back with public transport himself. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Kpp2 · 07/07/2024 09:29

I think it’s sad that you are asking AIBU. What part of what you need is unreasonable. Don’t doubt yourself. I’m sorry you are alone in this but I think you know what you need to do. I hope you have the strength going forward x

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 06/07/2024 20:08

Universalsnail · 05/07/2024 23:35

If the relationship ended during your pregnancy and you are no longer together tbh he's an asshole and I don't understand why you decided to have him as your emotional support for your C-section and not a friend. I wouldn't have had him at the hospital at all.

I am sorry he let you down like this.

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This. My ex would be very low down the list of people I would want by my side when giving birth, whether he was the baby's father or not. And if the woman giving birth does allow the father to be present, damn right he should be driving her there.

Milliemoo6 · 06/07/2024 20:02

Is this for real? Really hope you mean ex-partner? Seriously, you're better off parenting without this waste of space in your life

DandelionKay · 06/07/2024 18:56

Rubbish partner

Universalsnail · 05/07/2024 23:35

LoopyDays · 03/07/2024 14:57

Relationship ended during this pregnancy. No on and off. Just strictly have him round to see his 2 yo and to help out with child-related duties/costs.

Show quote history

If the relationship ended during your pregnancy and you are no longer together tbh he's an asshole and I don't understand why you decided to have him as your emotional support for your C-section and not a friend. I wouldn't have had him at the hospital at all.

I am sorry he let you down like this.

elenna55 · 05/07/2024 23:27

You are not being unreasonable. Are you kidding me??! He is not going to be there for you or the baby, he is just showing you his true colours, how he is when you need him the most. This is the person you cannot rely on. You will be better off as a single parent, and it will make your life easier if you do not give baby his surname. Hopefully, there is someone in your life you can count on in this difficult moment.

Cornishclio · 05/07/2024 19:24

He is not your partner. For goodness sake don't have more kids with him.

Duckingella · 05/07/2024 19:14

He doesn't care about you or your baby;he doesn't want to be a dad.

Know that having a child won't change a thing,he'll continue to act as though he has no responsibility and you'll be doing everything for the baby alone.

I'm sorry he's a dickhead.You don't need to lower yourself to stay with him.

AmIEnough · 05/07/2024 19:05

He is an utter arsehole!! What a sorry excuse for a man!! You need to show him these comments. Leave him now!!

NickyT64 · 05/07/2024 18:08

YOU HAD TO GET THE BUS TO YOUR C-SECTION????? With a suitcase????? Please please show him all these posts. Please. I am so sorry. I literally cannot remember the last time I was so horrified. I wish you all the best.

Littlegreenwomon · 05/07/2024 10:42

Awwwww I feel 4 u I no people r telling u 2 end it now but u won't because u hope he'll change in2 someone he's clearly not like a loving partner and farther i pray for u and ur bby his narcissistic nature suddenly disappears when he sees hes beautiful little miracle and he becomes super dad and partner but I'd bet my left leg he'll be the same self-centered person u no in ur heart he truly is I just hope it doesn't take you 2 long 2 realise he's a twat that doesn't deserve ur love and u run as far away as u can n make urself a happy little life with ur amazing gift. GOOD LUCK CHIC I'm not being a bitch I'm talking from ugly experience.

Maighnuad · 05/07/2024 09:26

Congratulations to you and your son xxx

Julyshouldbesunny · 05/07/2024 08:28

Imo be glad he failed you at the crucial time. Then there is less chance you will forget he is a class A cunt and take him back....

Havinganamechange · 05/07/2024 07:20

This doesn’t bode well for the future. Sorry OP that is vile behaviour and judging by that you won’t have any help with baby. I would get rid now, that would have done it for me.

Nanaof1 · 05/07/2024 06:01

CONGRATULATIONS on the birth of your baby boy! 💖💙👶💙💖

So happy for you! Ignore the irritating boy-man for now and just focus on the joy!

JudithOx · 05/07/2024 05:03

If you can't tell he is an absolute loser, you have a problem yourself. You already have a problem for being pregnant by him. I'd register the baby in my name, and tell him to get lost.

chubbychopsticks · 05/07/2024 00:46

kittensinthekitchen · 05/07/2024 00:12

You'd be calling* your EX PARTNER'S MOTHER* to attend an appointment with you because he won't?

Then getting into her time machine and repeating the birth you had two days previously?

Ok then.

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I didn’t read EX PARTNER 🤷‍♀️

And yeah. Why not get his mum to step up. Maybe she’d have a word to her son and tell him to pull his socks up. This worked for me…!

God what a response?!

kittensinthekitchen · 05/07/2024 00:12

chubbychopsticks · 04/07/2024 23:43

I’d be calling his mother to be with me at the appointment.

you need to put your foot down on this behaviour. I speak from experience when I say his behaviour will only get worse and as many have said…not a lasting relationship.

good luck with the birth!

You'd be calling* your EX PARTNER'S MOTHER* to attend an appointment with you because he won't?

Then getting into her time machine and repeating the birth you had two days previously?

Ok then.

chubbychopsticks · 04/07/2024 23:43

I’d be calling his mother to be with me at the appointment.

you need to put your foot down on this behaviour. I speak from experience when I say his behaviour will only get worse and as many have said…not a lasting relationship.

good luck with the birth!

MaybeItWasMe · 04/07/2024 23:28

LTB.

Fluffmum · 04/07/2024 23:11

I predict a split dump him

Calliopespa · 04/07/2024 22:26

Just let op enjoy her baby now.

The trip in is “uber and done with” for now.

71Isla · 04/07/2024 22:22

Run....

Calliopespa · 04/07/2024 22:14

EerieSilence · 03/07/2024 14:31

Another heroic mother. You get a medal and a cannon salve.
You realise this is not a pissing contest? Not every woman has an easy pregnancy and birth. I couldn't have taken a public transport because I managed to tumble a flight of stairs two weeks before I gave birth. I could barely walk and till now I only have use of 60% of my ankle power because I never had a chance to recover properly. I don't talk about it as an heroic act because it was extremely painful and made the time after the C-section even more painful and difficult to go through.
But hey, every time a woman says how difficult it was for her, you get the trolls crawling from underneath their rocks who were throwing little humans like a sheep birthing a lamb, effortlessly and barely in need of assistance. Well done you!

Show quote history

Well I walked to the hospital carrying my three eldest - one under each arm, another on my back. This brought on the baby quite fast so I ducked into the park en route, slipped her out behind a bush, popped the after-birth in the bin and the newborn in a sling and we all went home for tea.

Original poster
LoopyDays · 04/07/2024 21:59

Wereeaglesdare · 03/07/2024 14:22

You have been waiting 9 months to meet this little baby. Do not let this take up any head space! Although hard i know. This wonderful day you will not get back this is your baby and they will mean more than anything when they come in to this world. I would be the same and upset but maybe dad is having some nerves too he's going to be there for birth and today is about you staying as calm and as positive as possible and you deserve that after all the hard work growing this baby. I really don't find other posters helpful as surely the nature of the site means we all know how overwhelming the day our babies are born can be. All you need to be worrying about is what snacks ur demanding dad to bring in. What beautiful outfit he or she is wearing first and making sure that your comfort and peace is paramount. I made mine buy me a slap up dinner after having hyperemesis it was the least he could do. All these conversations with your partner can wait i think you are completely valid in your feelings. I wish you well for your delivery.

In case this your first I had a wonderful experience with my planned section and the whole day was like walking on cloud 9. You will feel really in control of everything and my advice to you is mobilize as soon as you feel up to it. It will really help with not getting too sore and stiff. And Do not be shy to press your buzzer as soon as u might need some pain relief it's great stuff and no need to get sore. Also say yes to the PR medication it will really help. Do you know if you are having a boy or a girl? What names do you have? I promise when you see their little face none of this matters. Just you and them.

Thanks for this post! Really reminds me to focus on what's important. 1st elective c-section and the experience was just as you described - I felt very much in control. Managed to mobilise quite early on after the surgery. I've not been shy about pressing the buzzer and staying on top of those lovely painkillers either!
Yes, as soon as we saw our son, all was amazing, we were all on cloud 9!
The Uber situation was taking up headspace and stealing positive energy, but that all went away once baby boy showed up 🙌

OP posts:
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