This is a bit long winded but I need to know…
I have a 10 month old and a 3 year old girls, I’ve been back to work a month after my second I’m a manager at Aldi. It’s a graft, I work long hours 12-10s or 6-4s around 45 hrs per week I have the girls Tuesdays and Thursdays so we’re not paying full time childcare and so I can have quality time with my girls before they go to school and I can’t have them days through the week anymore.
My partner works mon-Fri and did overtime on Saturdays when I wasn’t working or if I have a Saturday of he will too. He’s constantly complaining about my shifts and how nobody else he knows looks after their kids alone at the weekend etc. (doesn’t matter that if I’m off I have them alone at the weekend) since going back to work I arranged with my MIL and SIL that if I’m not home for bedtime (on a late shift) they would come over and help out my partner with the girls such as getting them tea dry for bed after baths doing stories etc. they are both great and happy to help and gives me reassurance when I’m in work that they are both happy. Some weekends I’ll have to work both days and can be 6-4 or 12-10 if I’m in early I’m up at 5 so I miss the get up and partner has the day with them I’m home for 430 and take over play/sort tea/baths etc. if I’m on late I get up when they do around 6ish I’ll usually take them out to the park or stay in play if raining do all the usual you do with kids if it’s a nursery day I get up still get them all ready to go then I’ll do all the house work/washing cleaning putting away clothes etc so there’s some back ground.
since going back to work I’ve felt so guilty and completely burnt out. My partner is constantly complaining if I’m in at the weekend and has them on his own through the day, bare in mind they are both very good and go to bed between 630-7 and sleep through, they have a very good routine (I’ve worked very hard to maintain this and implement this) they are happy little girlies.
This morning my partner had to take them to nursery I’m on the 12-10 and he says I need to find a new job mon - Fri throwing himself a petty party because I’m working this weekend, he doesn’t know what to do with them, says it hard being on his own and how none of his friends with kids have to do this. I blew up because I’m trying my best I don’t get a second to myself (not bothered I’d rather be with my kids I’m not complaining here) but he wants the world and we can’t have it all I have to work, I don’t want a mon-Fri office job I’m not the type of person that can sit in a office all day and I also don’t want my girls looked after in a nursery 5 days a week they have 3 days in and 4 days with me or their dad.
my partner says I should start looking for better hours. I don’t want to, and actually think this could work really well if he wasn’t feeling sorry for himself. I left my career in a previous job as a general manager before my second baby came along because there was a lot of responsibility involved and when I was home I’d get calls etc I did love that job I’d been there 10 years but knew I wanted to be more present and available for the girls. I feel like I’m the only one making any compromise for the happiness of the girls. Is it unreasonable that he has them on the weekend if I’m working? He says we get no family time but if I do get a Saturday of he’ll pick up overtime straight away (says we need the money)
I feel lost I don’t know what to do. Do I need to leave another job not work shifts? Or does he just need to open his eyes and realise everything I actually do is all for them?
I don’t know what more I can do spend most of my time feeling like a complete let down that I should be there more but we can’t all have our cake and eat it right? He says he’d rather be skint than go on like this but that kind of insinuates that it’s all on me to make a change? Nothing on his part.
I dont know? Any advice?
TIA