Husband 'needs'

And sometimes the car just won’t ever work regardless of what you try to fix it so you send it to the scrap pile and get a new one…

some women shocker just don’t want sex and some only pretend to even want sex till they get their babies. Not all men are arseholes or bad men just because some women don’t want sex at all. Look at the rise of Asexual people and whatnot.

I don’t think sulking is a healthy adult response to disappointment. You can feel sad and down but it’s up to you to communicate why that is. You may even need space in your sadness but sulking, no. Going out of your way to ignore someone, to leave the room if they enter, to sit in deliberate silence, to make plans without them etc. It is different to being sad.

In this context too. A grown man is sulking because his wife does not want to have sex with him. I can see why people are equating it to emotional abuse as he is basically hoping she will give in. He knows he can’t shout and scream as that definitely is abuse…so he chooses a more coercive way to show his disappointment in the hope she will feel sorry for him and give in. For something she doesn’t want. That is abuse.

@PoonamiMammi

Well ok, I hate porn but really what do nice men do then? Imagination?

No, nice men don’t make everything about themselves. They look into finding the cause of the problem within the relationship and try to resolve that first.

Presumably if their car doesn’t start in the morning, do they get angry and go out and buy a new one or do they accept that something is wrong and needs fixing and arrange for a mechanic to work out what’s wrong with it?

A nealthy relationship requires consideration and respect on both sides.

There’s a word for men who want sex with women who don’t want it, OP. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you find the strength to leave this bastard soon.

He doesn't see you as an autonomous human being with full agency over your own body and feelings.

You are "sub-human" to him. A body available for him to use.

That's no way to live.

I'm certain you're a divorce lawyer!

Why is this so common? Not only on here but my friends talk about their husbands demanding sex twice a week and sulking when it doesn’t happen. Grown ass man moping around the house because his wife is burnt out from working, childcare and the majority of housework to think about his knob. It’s utterly embarrassing and women deserve more!

@MessyHouseHappyHouse Sulking can be a normal and justified reaction when someone has hurt us not everything amounts to emotional abuse there are wider contexts. If you want Married at First Sight sometimes the husband deserves a sulking wife because he was horrible to her first and she has to exist in the same place with him, why should she fake smiling or pretending like everything is normal? Can't a person be sad in peace? And then people say you shouldn't suppress your feelings or put a mask on! Which is it?

There is a spectrum and nuanced context to these things, it's not OK to start saying that because I say so then I must be making excuses to abuse, I absolutely am not. I just think people in general need not be so quick about villifying people when you have one sided accounts and to not make wide sweeping judgements about all 'sulking' behaviour is abusive, it can be a very human and normal reaction.

I'm sorry to say that you are in a really bad marriage. I realise it's hard when you have young kids but this isn't the relationship for your life.

I do all the household labour and childcare

No wonder you don't want to have sex with him. What a prince.

You deserve much better.

Look, I said what I thought. It’s up to the op to decide what she wants and needs to do.
I just think that the LTB choir (that immediately forms without having much detail at hand) is usually quite unhelpful.

He is utter scum.

@PoonamiMammi

It’s a shame for your relationships that you don’t accept that sulking is a form of emotional abuse. When you sulk, you don’t actually want to resolve the issue, do you? Sulking is a deliberate act on your part intending to cause distress to the other person.

Why choose to do that?

If you’re unhappy about something, an adult should use their words to clearly articulate what the problem is and how they think it might be resolved. Anything else is game playing and that belongs back in the playground at primary school.

Mine was 41 - towards the end, following a prolonged period of no sexual activity,
when he had only wanted relief sex, ugh, shouted! at me,
and I’m entitled to my Conjugal Rights
I swear this is true
the key word there is ‘entitled’

in your instance OP, it seems to me that you really don’t want
to
as in, if you want to want to, you can find a way,
if you know you don’t want HIM, then you will find a way out

always good advice on these threads, as @LostTheMarble says,
look at the whole situation to see what is the probable cause
(apathy/indifference being strong possibilities)

Next time you and DH have sex , sulk for two days afterwards .

i think most would agree that a dead bedroom is a terrible place to be. That’s not close to being the case for the OP. if you care for your partner and want your relationship to flourish, listening and acting on your partners needs and even anticipating those needs are so important. We could all do better, I expect, but genuine effort is needed.

what I hear from what you say,is it’s not even about physical intimacy in your partners case, it’s sex… then nothing. That’s not a flourishing marriage.

we all (most?) need connection. I totally get what you want OP. Most men would be happy to oblige. I expect that this will continue to build pressure on both of you unless you both want to genuinely make changes in order for your marriage to survive let alone thrive.

good luck

Please call Womens aid.
He is a vile abusive pig who is trying to use coercive control on you for sex.
This is a crime.
You are being emotionally abused.
You need support.
Please contact Women's aid for this.

He sounds revolting. I would be making plans to split.

Think how lovely life would be without the groping and moodiness.

I don’t know how you came to hitch your life to this low quality specimen but for God’s sake throw him back before you waste any more of it.

Stop making excuses for abusive men who try to bully their wives into sex letting them use their vagina for a wank.

OP this guy is revolting and not just a terrible partner but an absolutely awful father. You and your kids deserve better.

The character in the baseball cap is my first husband. They should use this is PSHE at sixth form.

OK, nobody is going to die from lack of sex, but then nobody is going to die from feeling neglected in a relationship. It's probably more helpful to rephrase it, many people need sex to feel they're in a good relationship, just like people need demonstrations of love from their partner to feel loved in a relationship. I would class both a needs in a relationship for it to be healthy (unless they've both agreed they don't want one of them, obviously)

When I was married to my first husband ( 28 years ago) he would act very much like your husband. We had a three year old and a two year old. We lived close to his mother and she would sometimes take the children out for a walk for an hour ( part of her keep fit programme). All I wanted was to have a cup of tea that was hot when I got to drink it or to eat with both hands without dealing with someone else at the same time. A chat with my husband would have been nice. Everytime he would shut the front door behind his mother and the children, turn to me and say ' fancy a shag?". He was distant,an disnterested father, was openly chatting up/ going to the pub with female work colleagues and only ever touched me sexually. There was never a hug just because. It was always in the hope of 'a shag'. In the end it made my skin crawl and I had to make a huge effort not to recoil because sex had become the last thing I wanted. My second husband ( married 20 years now) is the absolute opposite. I hadn't realised how bad my first marriage was until I got out of it ( he went off with 17 year old from work). I am sorry you are experiencing this Op. It is horrible.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/439558795622099/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v

I saw this recently and saved the link knowing it wouldn't be long before I saw a MN post it would be relevant to! Send him this and then tell him to fuck off with his sulky man child act!

"To be clear if you refuse to spend time with me, we're never having sex again".