Husband 'needs'

Once you have your ducks in a row and have seen a solicitor, I would sit him down and say “I’ve thought long and hard about what you said and come to the conclusion that you are totally right. We are fundamentally incompatible. I want a partner and you want a servant and sex doll.” Sign the divorce papers pls..,

He's blackmailing you. If you don't give him sex then he's not giving you his presence. That's seriously unattractive!
It also sounds as if you do majority of the household chores and childcare. What do you see in him!

Sulking is pervasive emotional abuse. Get rid of this is your life for good. Send him back to his mummy .

My husband never initiated sex. He was up for it if I initiated it but never initiated it himself. He'd never compliment me, never touch me during the day or make me feel wanted and would jokingly put me down in various ways. In the end I resented him for it and we grew apart and I'm now with a woman who is the complete opposite. We just get each other and what makes each other tick. It's the best thing ever 🥰

He's absolutely pathetic. He's trying to blackmail you into sex? Don't let that work out for him whatsoever. Immediate permanent sex ban and I'd be asking him to leave the house.
If it's his house then hope you can go somewhere with the kids till the divorce is sorted.
He is unkind, selfish, childish, and has no concern for your sexual desire. He seemingly does not care if you want sex or not, he thinks he 'deserves' it. Basically incel behaviour.
You deserve so much more than this arsehole.

Why did you marry and have babies with him in a first place? Was he pretending to be someone else when you were dating?

This is why I'm now with a woman... 🤪

Obviously you have to be attracted to women but it's just so much better. We just get each other. We know how to make each other feel and we'd NEVER behave in this awful coercive way. It's toxic!

No, sulking happens when one person hasn't got what they think they deserve, and their reaction is to punish the person by refusing to engage rather than discuss the issue like an adult. Sulkers are well aware that they are unpleasant to be around - that's why they do it.

I'm afraid it does happen to a lot of women. Some men aren't interested in sex with their partners.

I've seen loads of these posts but none where men aren't interested in sex. Unless they're literally asexual, it doesn't happen unless they're having an affair or seeing sex workers, and even then they're probably still shagging the wife.

He sounds horrendous, maybe you should just cut your loses and get out now.

I too hate all that cod psychology: it gives manipulative arseholes like your husband far too much ammunition.

He really is an arsehole. How can you have sex with someone who doesn't want to spend time with you?

OP, I think you may have to face the fact that what your husband feels for you is contempt. He does not care how you feel, and he believes he's entitled to have what he wants without compromise or consideration. It could be purely emotional immaturity, but more than likely it's a combination of that, along with self-centredness and lack of empathy.

You also have to face that he is extremely unlikely to change. If he considers there's nothing wrong with him, he won't go into therapy. Even if you can get him to couples therapy, I don't think it's going to go well considering his level of immaturity and passive-aggression.

What you have to ask yourself is if you're willing a) to be living like this in ten or twenty years time and b) if this is the example of relationship behaviour you want set for your children. If you stay together, there's a pretty high risk that your DH will feel entitled to seek sex elsewhere.

Leave the sex pest...

His behaviour his completely immature and the silent treatment and pressure he puts on you is abusive.

Of course you are not going to find a man like this sexy/attractive. This is not the behaviour of a loving partner who cares about you and respects. you.

I would just divorce him.

And he's abusive.

Demanding sex in this way is coercive. You aren't consenting freely. Thats technically rape.

Straight to the point, no faffing about!
I love it😂😂😂
(googles local t-shirt printing services)

I'm so sorry you're going through this @NeedyOne I'm guessing your current argument is just one period of many where your husband is behaving this way. Yu probably reached out on here to vent and try to understand your own feelings.

Whilst i agree with some of the posters on here suggesting looking at both sides of this argument. Particularly @Crankymonkey and @Firefly1987 have given a fairly balanced view.

However I also know - because I've been there - how utterly awful it is to live with a husband who is coercive around sex and sulks for days on end when they don't get it. To worry that ANY touch from him will therefore HAVE to lead to sex. For any touch from that partner to start feeling more like a grope. For any hint or suggestion toward sex leads to lewd comments and the expectation that sex is on the cards.

IN my case - we did try counselling - the idea was we'd start with general couples counselling and then lead up to Sex counselling - we chose a specialist who dealt with both. Unfortunately - the counselling absolutely brought out the worst in him - it opened my eyes to the fact actually he was being coercive in everything - not just sex and I just couldn't then see him in any other way - I had actually been living with an abuser - he was just really subtle.

Only you can decide what comes next for you @NeedyOne but believe me you are not alone and many women have experienced the same as you. personally I found a book Too Bad to Stay, Too goo to leave very helpful and a tick tock I think called mending me enlightening.

Good Luck

Sounds like a diamond. You do everything round the house and with the children, he doesn't want to spend time with you and constantly pesters you for sex.

And you're getting what out of the relationship exactly?

Love languages is shite - clearly written by a man. It has to have been, It gives them their get out of jail free card to never make an effort, never bother to remember their DW's birthday, never pay a compliment or notice anything, because their Luuuuurrve Language is to occasionally put the bins out or put their empty cup by the sink to be washed up by the staff. Pathetic.

I've said before that if you ignore me all day, speak to me about only sex and make lewd remarks it's not attractive and I'm not interested if there's been no connection

The fact you've even had to point out his behaviour to him in such stark terms, (and yet depressingly, he still doesn't get it), means you're unfortunately married to a knuckle-dragging Neanderthal. And sulking is an absolute turn off.

i don't think counselling will have anything other than a short term effect, before he reverts to type. Sorry, you're better off on your own.

This whole idea of sex being a 'need' is ridiculous anyway. Nobody ever died from not having sex.

Sorry OP but your husband sounds utterly vile. He doesn't care about your happiness, only his own. You deserve better.

Also this is all around degrading begging for sex! But i can imagine that he's a selfish sexual partner... If it was amazing and unselfish you'd have a better connection and equally WANT to get intimate with him. I use to find sex a chore intill I experienced phenomenonal sex then I was chasing him around the house lol! This situation is only going to lead to resentment, infidelity and divorce you are not compatible.

@PoonamiMammi

Sorry no, there’s never any justification for sulking as it’s now become attention seeking. They’re no longer behaving respectfully like an adult who wants to resolve a problem, but resorting to childhood behaviours.

Young children centre the world around them as they live in the moment and are incapable of considering another person’s point of view. However, most children eventually grow up and understand that communication and compromise are key to building successful relationships.

Honestly, who in their right mind would want to be in a relationship with a toddler?

Grim. Divorce this lump of gristle. He has a basic and fundamental lack of respect for you as a person, and you won't fix that.

He sees you as a service that isn't operating, and he's stonewalling you to manipulate you into giving in. Well, unfortunately for him, you can happily watch a movie on your own.

He will have an affair, and blame it on you, save yourself a few years of drama heartache and get rid of him.

giving credence to the line the best cure for Love is marriage

Why would you think that?

There is absolutely no point in staying with a man who doesn't do any household chores, won't look after his own children or even refuse to stay in the same room as his wife. That's even before you address his sulking and sexual coercion.

What is he bringing to their relationship? I can't see anything that would make me want to stay, so why should the OP put up with a crap relationship. Would you want to stay with someone like this?

OP - is there anything good in your relationship, something you can build on? If not then start looking at how to leave as this will only get worse.