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Original poster

To be irritated by colleague constantly complimenting herself?

187 replies

foreverstardust · 02/07/2024 20:31

I’ve just never known anything like it. Just today

“I’ve curled my hair, I think my hair looks so gorgeous when it’s curled”

“My exam is next week, I’m so academic and really good at exams”

“How did you think that call went?
…Good…

“Yeah I’m actually so good at making calls”

Aibu to just find it irritating, or should I find it more refreshing?

OP posts:
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Layla30 · 03/07/2024 18:14

I have a friend who does this about her job and how good she is at it and also about folk always fancying her. She is in her mid 50s and both of her sons friends (late teens & early 20s) apparently all think she is a MILF and really like her.
I am not confident about myself at all so find it extremely uncomfortable to listen to. I just never know what to say during it all 🙈

Mumsgirls · 03/07/2024 18:14

‘ self praise is no recommendation’ might shut her up

AbraAbraCadabra · 03/07/2024 18:08

Liripipe · 02/07/2024 20:54

Hear hear.

Though on top of 'nice girls don't boast', Brits have a particular ingrained dislike of the tall poppy.

I remember when I first lived in rural England (not originally from the UK), being fascinated by the ritual conversation at the baby/toddler group I attended, which involved faux-self-deprecation and a pause for someone else to contradict it, followed by more faux-self-deprecation etc eg

'No, I won't have a biscuit -- I'm such a heifer!'
'You're not, you're TINY! Isn't she tiny?'
'Your top is lovely!'
'This old thing! Primark, about five years ago! And the buttons barely close, I'm like a WHALE!'
'You are not, if you turned sideways, you'd disappear!' etc etc

I think I'd have been charmed if someone came in and said 'I'm brilliant at exams, and I also have great hair.' But that person would have been shunned. Grin

Show quote history

When I say that sort of stuff it isn’t “faux” it’s what I think. So don’t assume it’s put on.

There is also a happy middle ground between constantly putting yourself down, and being arrogant/delusional about your own strengths or abilities.

BifurBofurBombur · 03/07/2024 13:22

This wouldn't bother me, unless she was nasty about other people.

It is refreshing after all the self-deprecating women on MN who just say they hate confrontation and are people pleasers.

ZazzzyNewYork · 03/07/2024 13:20

CantDealwithChristmas · 03/07/2024 12:27

Mockery is a sign of emotional immaturity or limited IQ.

What on earth is your source for this total bollocks?

Mockery is one of the core hominid behaviours. It's a form of peer-to-peer behaviour regulation.

Chimps & great apes do it, certain bird species do it.

WTAF?

Show quote history

Mockery can indeed be easily performed by a chimp and two trainees.

CantDealwithChristmas · 03/07/2024 12:27

RichardsGear · 03/07/2024 12:07

What the fuck is this bollocks?
I'm assuming you didn't read the rest of the OP's posts where she said that this pain in the arse colleague likes to make bitchy comments to her and put her down?

Show quote history

Mockery is a sign of emotional immaturity or limited IQ.

What on earth is your source for this total bollocks?

Mockery is one of the core hominid behaviours. It's a form of peer-to-peer behaviour regulation.

Chimps & great apes do it, certain bird species do it.

WTAF?

CantDealwithChristmas · 03/07/2024 12:26

Are her self-compliements warranted? Not the personal ones about her hair, the professional ones.

For example is she actually not so good on calls, is there room for improvement?

If so then her line manager should speak to her.

Conplacency is the enemy of career progress.

LoyalMember · 03/07/2024 12:21

Sounds like a bigger bum than ten arses.

RichardsGear · 03/07/2024 12:07

Kafkaesqued · 03/07/2024 09:58

Considering this is a women’s site, I’m delighted to see the sophistication of thought and female solidarity displayed by those cheering on the woman being mocked in the original post.

It makes me despair to see deep bucket of crabs syndrome on full display here.
It’s a mindset similar to the house slave who is happy to oppress the field slaves, in order to snatch a moment of power, not caring it’s to the detriment of both the self and the other.

What could we achieve by instead cheering on one another.
Any group of women who ever achieved anything together, understood they had to discard the bucket.

Unfortunately, some women are willing to do anything for a little bit of attention and the chance to feel good about themselves at someone else’s expense, even for a single fleeting moment.

I imagine the OP is very young, then at least there is hope for change.
Mockery is a sign of emotional immaturity or limited IQ.

Edited

What the fuck is this bollocks?
I'm assuming you didn't read the rest of the OP's posts where she said that this pain in the arse colleague likes to make bitchy comments to her and put her down?

Wishimaywishimight · 03/07/2024 11:56

I would be inclined to wind her up a bit;

"You really do look gorgeous with your hair curled"

"You really are soooo good at exams"

"You really are soooo good at making phone calls"

All said with a bright smile. Maybe she will notice the sarcastic undertones. If she's that deluded she will probably just take the compliments!

Janehasamane · 03/07/2024 11:38

Kafkaesqued · 03/07/2024 09:58

Considering this is a women’s site, I’m delighted to see the sophistication of thought and female solidarity displayed by those cheering on the woman being mocked in the original post.

It makes me despair to see deep bucket of crabs syndrome on full display here.
It’s a mindset similar to the house slave who is happy to oppress the field slaves, in order to snatch a moment of power, not caring it’s to the detriment of both the self and the other.

What could we achieve by instead cheering on one another.
Any group of women who ever achieved anything together, understood they had to discard the bucket.

Unfortunately, some women are willing to do anything for a little bit of attention and the chance to feel good about themselves at someone else’s expense, even for a single fleeting moment.

I imagine the OP is very young, then at least there is hope for change.
Mockery is a sign of emotional immaturity or limited IQ.

Edited

I’m also dismayed about the posters wishing to rip her apart. Nothing worse than women attacking other women for having the temerity to be confident and proclaim it,

Opine · 03/07/2024 11:34

@Debbiehv You can’t switch the skin colour because said behaviour is unique to mediocre white men. No one else behaves as they do.

Drivingmissmarigold · 03/07/2024 10:35

I immediately thought of Amanda in friends Grin. I think I'd find her quite amusing. I'll swap you for 'the fitness bore'. No Julie, I don't give a shit how many steps you've done today or how many calories in your lunch box. Why on earth do people think anyone would be interested in this information.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 03/07/2024 10:05

bridgetreilly · 02/07/2024 21:02

Just pretend she’s a mediocre white man and it will seem completely normal.

😆

KimberleyClark · 03/07/2024 10:03

Mmhmmn · 03/07/2024 01:01

Maddening. She’s probably actually deeply insecure though.

I agree with this. Truly confident people don’t need to go on about how great they are outside of job interviews..

Kafkaesqued · 03/07/2024 09:58

Considering this is a women’s site, I’m delighted to see the sophistication of thought and female solidarity displayed by those cheering on the woman being mocked in the original post.

It makes me despair to see deep bucket of crabs syndrome on full display here.
It’s a mindset similar to the house slave who is happy to oppress the field slaves, in order to snatch a moment of power, not caring it’s to the detriment of both the self and the other.

What could we achieve by instead cheering on one another.
Any group of women who ever achieved anything together, understood they had to discard the bucket.

Unfortunately, some women are willing to do anything for a little bit of attention and the chance to feel good about themselves at someone else’s expense, even for a single fleeting moment.

I imagine the OP is very young, then at least there is hope for change.
Mockery is a sign of emotional immaturity or limited IQ.

ssd · 03/07/2024 08:53

I had a colleague like this once. She even told us that the nurse who took her blood test said she had great blood...

Any attempt at sarcasm is useless, these people have hinds like rhinos.

Floatlikeafeather2 · 03/07/2024 08:46

cactuswoman · 02/07/2024 22:02

"I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD ANY PROPER DANCE LESSONS"

😂Thankyou @cactuswoman . I've been racking my brains to remember who she was reminding me of. 😂😂😂

Hedjwitch · 03/07/2024 08:27

Use the brilliant American slap down
" Bless your heart"

Debbiehv · 03/07/2024 08:13

@Garlickest Your memes don’t make it less of a sweeping generalisation based on skin colour. Hmmm. Try it with another skin colour. Thanks!

Mummyratbag · 03/07/2024 07:57

@cactuswoman love it!

Maybe it is a British thing, but absolutely we have it drummed into us that no one likes a big head from very early on. This is probably what leads to so much self deprecation. This woman would be hilarious (and annoying) if she wasn't putting others down.

shuggles · 03/07/2024 01:32

LazySuzan · 03/07/2024 01:21

I suppose you could call her friendly, and no, I don't think she's a bully.
But the lunch conversation was 98% about her, and 2% about me, if that.

So not a friendship I would look to develop, really.

Show quote history

I say very little, so wouldn't mind having a friend that talks a lot about themselves.

LazySuzan · 03/07/2024 01:26

Sunnytwobridges · 03/07/2024 01:15

She would annoy the fuck outta me.

i would ask her if she would like a cookie for a job well done.

😂 😅 😆

LazySuzan · 03/07/2024 01:21

shuggles · 03/07/2024 01:15

She just sounds friendly. I would be OK with that so long as her narcissism doesn't become bullying at any point.

I suppose you could call her friendly, and no, I don't think she's a bully.
But the lunch conversation was 98% about her, and 2% about me, if that.

So not a friendship I would look to develop, really.

Sunnytwobridges · 03/07/2024 01:15

She would annoy the fuck outta me.

i would ask her if she would like a cookie for a job well done.