"School refusal" trend

I hear you and I’m sorry that your poor daughter had to go through this, but OPs post indicated an increase in school refusals. Do you think instances of autism have increased significantly, and why? If the rate of people having autism has not increased, why did they used to go off to school but now won’t?

People who are saying "but kids in the 70s and 80s coped, they just went to school" ... but not all kids did. I don't think it was highlighted as social media wasn't a thing and probably parents either didn't talk about it to others or the parents didn't care that their kids were home alone as it was common to have "latchkey kids" anyway.

I know my Grandad (born in 1950) didn't go to school, he hated it. He really struggled with it and just completely refused to go, he said the anxiety of it was awful and he completely understands my son's struggles.

This has been an interesting thread to read.
I’m of the opinion that, for the vast majority, there has to be a neurological issue at play, whether diagnosed or not. Most children can understand, and enjoy, the social side of school, even if they find the lessons boring.
I hated my school but by the time I was a teenager at secondary school, I understood how important it was to attend. I knew that the only way to better myself and leave my shitty home town was to attend school, learn, and pass my exams. The vast majority of people would not choose to pass zero exams and face the prospect of minimum wage jobs or unemployment.
The teenagers who understand this and yet still cannot make themselves attend school must be deeply unhappy and have very little self-worth. Support for these children is clearly lacking.

There will be a tiny minority who see their parents sitting on their arses on benefits and think “that’s the life for me” because they have not been shown any different. But I can’t think they are in the majority.

Punchline from this research:

Conclusion: While not a story of exclusivity relating solely to autism, School Distress is a story dominated by complex neurodivergence and a seemingly systemic failure to meet the needs of these CYP. Given the disproportionate number of disabled CYP impacted, we ask whether the United Kingdom is upholding its responsibility to ensure the "right to an education" for all CYP (Human Rights Act 1998).

I think it's quite possible that educational resources including educational psychology were better resourced then. There was an infrastructure of specialist services to support schools that doesn't exist any more.

@ruthxxx0 please come back to the thread. I personally am interested in 'outsiders' views on the whole issue.

SEN and how it manifests in society was so not on my radar several years ago. Now it's my day to day. It's my life. Like you it feels as if it didn't exist when I was in the school system but in fact I realise now how much it was dealt with differently. I find it fascinating how relevant and important it is understand how ND people live in this world.

Also interested please

You know what fixed my sons 'school refusal' removing him from mainstream and getting him into a school designed for and catering too kids with Autism.

He went from having to be practically dragged into school daily, with more days off or lates than i care to mention, to never missing a day (unless i called one for MH because sometimes he still needed it).

The current mainstream system is not built for kids with difficulties, and the myriad reasons they refuse are more than you could ever imagine.

As other parents have said.. walk a mile in our shoes, or be quiet.

Exactly.

So then why is anyone surprised that Children are refusing school? As you say, for a lot of children, their whole lives are controlled, down to the socks they wear and the friends they're allowed to keep.

Then they're forced into environments that make them miserable for the majority of the week.

This type of case isn't typical for our services (primary care) so admittedly I'm talking about school avoidance for children who aren't accessing secondary mental health care.

I was told that until my daughter (aged 11 at the time) made a "credible attempt at self harm" - lying in the corridor at school screaming I WISH I WAS DEAD while bemused Year 11s stepped over her wasn't enough as she didn't voice any actual plans - then we couldn't even go on the 18 month waiting list for CAHMS, so excuse me that we don't meet your arbitrary threshold for the "right" kind of family.

Mmm. Perhaps familiarise yourself with ACAMH's resources if you are a HCP? Ill informed and judgemental attitudes aren't going to help families or children.

There is an evidence base on this you know. Not sure what capacity you work in but you don't appear to be familiar with current approaches. These a) attempt to resolve the issues in the environment that are causing school to feel so very unsafe in the first place and b) create controlled conditions in which a child can gradually start to reengage within their tolerances. Absolutely no pushing or forcing involved. It is pretty offensive to compare the emotional distress involved with your return from annual leave.

Of course you can't compare them. But equally you're trying to compare being an adult at work with being a child accessing education. They're inherently different.

Children also don't have a choice over whether they brush their teeth, go to bed late, walk to school etc. Adults will always have more choice, albeit not really considering we're responsible for sustaining ourselves and dependents.

I'm so sorry your daughter, and you and your family, have gone through this.

This type of case isn't typical for our services (primary care) so admittedly I'm talking about school avoidance for children who aren't accessing secondary mental health care. There's LOADS amongst children with low level anxiety and depression too (and children with seemingly no mental health issues) who are accessing services due to school avoidance and it was those I was really thinking of in my posts.

I'm so sorry for you, I hope your daughter can find a way through all of this to a happier future.

Yes but you have choices. You can find a new job, you can skip town and abandon your family, you can choose to consider doing something to further your employment prospects, you can play the lottery every week etc etc

Granted some of those choices are hard nos but they're still open to you.

Children have school. And that's it. Zero other choice. It's not the same thing and you can't compare the two.

@WitchyWay

I think anyone on here would agree with your sentiment that school 'avoidance' is not good for anyone, hence all of the parents / carers who have tried everything they can to help their young people back into school.

If it was just 'a little bit anxious' or if it were simply a case of just pushing on through doing us some good' then there would be no need for this thread.

I don't know if you have read all of the posts on here or only the last few, but in the vast majority of cases, this is a not what we are dealing with.

In my own situation- I tried absolutely everything to get my DD in . You name it I tried it. But it didn't work as in many many cases it's 'can't not wont'

In the last 4 years, school (the anxiety and subsequent depression because of it) in my DDs case has led to multiple A and E trips because of self harm and overdoses, a year spent in bed with depression, therapy, cbt, hours spent in meetings with the school. Appointments galore, a patent EHCP application and more than half of her school missed in that time.

Changing schools (particularly with a ND young person) very often fails. An EHCP for a SEN school takes a year to be approved and in many cases they are not. Home schooling can work if the parents can afford it but in many cases the young person cannot engage.

There comes a point where mental health is way more important than education if it's the difference between living or not living.

Any CAMHS therapist will 100% agree with the above.

My daughter managed to get 5 GCSEs somehow. This isn't in any way reflective of what she is capable of achieving. She has so much potential. She started A levels and really tried. I am so proud of her for trying her best but in the end she couldn't do the school system.

All of her friends are currently at university open days and we are both gutted that it won't be happening for her.. certainly this time round anyway. It's been an extremely hard and isolating 4 years for all involved, especially as a single parent and another teen.

So whilst I would say - yes absolutely if all it is is a little bit of anxiety- don't keep them at home and as parents we should encourage all we can.. but very few cases start off as dramatic as ours and it can be hard to miss the signs of it turning into something bigger.

My DD started off 'a little anxious' re school, wanted to be at home. I had no idea she was cutting herself in her room at night after a day at school.

It's scary how quickly these things can escalate.

Sorry for the long post

For those asking about how these children get on as adults. My DS (diagnosed ASD & ADHD) never reached the full refusal stage, as Covid hit when we were approaching breaking point. When he went back to mainstream school after Covid he took an overdose. Following hitting rock bottom managed to secure him a place at a 14+ college, totally different environment where he managed (I won’t say thieved as we still had challenges) but he attended and finished at 16. He has worked every single day since his last exam. He is working in a field that interests him, understands him and uses his skills not focused on his weaknesses day in day out.

If they're accessing education at home, then I agree, that's potentially a better place for them, short term or long term.

But long term school avoidance, ie, not accessing the school they are intending to go to for an education, isn't positive. All children need a solid education. No problem with how that's delivered, so long as the child is learning and happy. Socialisation is very important but obviously there's plenty of ways of getting that outside of school.

Spending months on end at home, not accessing a decent education, and feeling awful, will affect them.

From my experience in my role, I realise all families are different, but often there are wider issues at play. Family issues and parenting is often a big factor.

De register them and home school? Let then follow their passion? Its terrible m, that school can knock the creativity out of such creative, intellectual children. The system needs a complete reform. We are humans, not robots. Time for a change, maybe? Unpopular opinion but maybe we do need a change. The world has changed alot.

I think that’s dependant on the child, some people find school an incredibly distressing place and thrive out of that particular environment.

Yes, very probably, hence the rise since COVID. But staying off school isn't a positive solution for the child in the long-term.

In that situation, having tried everything with the school (and having tried sending them daily for a while) I would either try a different school or home school.

I wouldn't allow them to be out of education long term.

Resilience is a popular term, but it's also incredibly important. For the child but also once they're adults and have to sustain themselves in this world.

Pushing boundaries, enduring hard times, amending expectations, all while receiving treatment, are all ways of increasing resilience. Being at home in their comfort zone isn't.

Lots of us go to jobs we hate because we need the income. We have mouths to feed. That's the real world, we don't always get to do what we want, when we want. Life doesn't always feel good. Of course we should help each other find happier alternatives but sometimes it really is just a case of having to push through and persevere.

Feeling a little anxious about something and EBSA are not the same thing.

Nothing at all to do with being stuck at school for months on end and hearing scaremongering messages about doom,gloom and death?

Sometimes, yes.

But what if you weren't fine once you were there? What if work continued to make you anxious, you hated your job, you were sick with anxiety every Sunday night at the thought that you'd have to go in on Monday?

Most people would say that you should be signed off sick and that along with seeking psychological help, should look for another job that doesn't make you feel so awful. Maybe something radically different to your current one. Not that your 'work avoidance' was negative and you should be forced to keep doing this job for the next five years, no matter how unsuited to it you were or how much you hated it.

Staying off school long term isn't ideal but it is absolutely better than trashing that child's mental health so badly that they continue to be affected in adulthood, out of a misguided notion that school is good for everyone.

Education is good for everyone. Our narrow schooling system is not.