"School refusal" trend

Brilliant idea. The budgets for identifying, diagnosing and assessing these additional needs will needs to go up massively, because currently it takes about 2 years of severe difficulties including school refusal, self harm etc, before even getting to be considered a priority for assessment due to the enormous waiting lists, and then there are no places available, so there would need to be hundreds of new SEN schools, and of course each place at an SEN specialist school costs £30k per year or more due to the increased staff to pupil ratios and personalised curriculums. An extra billion pounds a year probably wouldn't be nearly enough.

I expect Covid is a factor for some, but No, I don't think it's just that. Of the six children I know -

• one was subsequently diagnosed with autism and flourished when they eventually got a place at special school
• one was HE for a while and did well after changing to different school
• one is HE and studying for exams
• one tried college but couldn't cope
• two spend all waking hours gaming in their bedrooms, with no idea if it's night or day

Five of them were struggling before Covid

All the families bar one were thoroughly committed to their children's education and at their wits' end when their child increasingly refused to attend. It's simplistic to say "just make them". One they're old enough to seriously resist, you'd risk being prosecuted for assault

We have a very positive attitude, thanks. One child generally likes school but occasionally has the odd moan. He always goes, even when times are tough. The youngest loves it and has never said she doesn't want to go - she thrives in the environment, much like her brother. The middle child has massive anxiety over going as the environment is hugely inappropriate for her needs. What happens when parents have to work is that they eventually can't. I had to give up so not a decision we made lightly. She has only ever had one day off for anxiety but often I was helping the teachers to get her comfortable and reduce anxiety for an hour which wasn't conducive to working. I didn't want to give up my career which I had been working in for 20+ years but I felt I had no choice.

I'm regretting forcing my child in. She has 100% attendance.

She is physically in the building but has not been in the classroom since before December. Has not interacted with a peer since around January. She is 1-1 in a side room/cupboard all day everyday.

She is not accessing any learning. She is not in the situation she is working but out of class. Her work expectations are either maths or English (heavily adapted and a small amount of about 10-15 minutes) 4 days a week. 1 day without any maths or English where she is meant to be doing a project but hasn't engaged yet.

We have specialist agreed and potentially another 15 months of this set up.

They aren't recognising just how inappropriate and poor her provision is because she has 100% attendance.

She is receiving less by a considerable amount than all the children whose parents didn't force them in and are accessing AP instead. But because she has 100% attendance then nothing else matters.

Do you feel it's got worse since Covid? And since then it is accepted kids could "learn" from home? Coupled with the ideology that adults can also "work" from home?
Now employers are getting adults back in the work place as it's been proven that a lot take the mick. Just wondering if schools will follow suit. I know my dd fares much better in a classroom environment and suffered from proper teaching over Covid.

Bless your naive sweet little heart. If only it were so easy

We have a huge issue with school attendance. I don't know what the answer is, but I know several families where children have gradually disengaged from school and it's hard to watch them suffer

The word ‘just’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting in your posts. It is incredibly difficult to obtain a place in a special school. And we have tried all the blindingly obvious suggestions like ‘just’ talking positively about school and setting clear expectations. Perhaps the posters on this thread who think they have all the answers should ‘just’ sit back and accept they don’t fully understand the issue? Or even RTFT??

No, there aren't enough places, even for kids whose needs require a special school, rather than "just" a unit or adaptations at a mainstream school- which are hit and miss anyway. Loads of kids are not even assessed for the education plans which are required for SEN schools, because the list is too long and councils do not meet their legal requirement. Yes, it's an outrage. Yes, we've "said something". It's absolutely fucking shit.

Usually the families are completely run ragged trying to earn money and support their kids. I've had to give up work - though I've now found something WFH - and DH has had to request serious adjustments which, luckily, due to his niche expertise he was granted. Ultimately, our financial planning is completely out of the window- but that would have been the same if DD had developed cancer, or been twins, or have been a violin prodigy who wanted to go to private school. We're parents, we adapt. Doesn't mean it's easy.

So can't they just go to a school for SEN kids then? Means they'll struggle less with the work and parents can still go to work.

And I'd still like to know how working parents are meant to deal with this "school refusal" issue?! Do you give up work? Move to a smaller property? Get benefits? Etc etc we couldn't keep a roof over our heads if both myself and husband didn't work!

I think the issue is that there is no money to support kids with SEN. As such, they go through hell at school and refuse to go. Not hard to work out.

I don't claim to be "smug or sanctimonious "! Just start the kids out well from the start with a positive attitude to school and learning and they'll thrive.

I would probably also be smug and sanctimonious had I not lived through this myself. Have a read through the parental experiences on this thread. It has a lot to do with a changing environment in schools since 2010 that places more pressure on teachers and staff and makes it particularly hard for neurodivergent students to cope.

Back in the day children learned from a young age that school is not a choice but a fun place to go, see your friends and enjoy learning. They have to go to school just as parents have to go to work. None of us like every part of school or our work but you've just got to crack on with it because that's life.
How are working parents of these primary school refusal kids supposed to go to work if their child won't go into school for 6 hours?! Anyone's work will only tolerate so many "sick days" for the parent to take time off before letting them go then how do they pay the mortgage, bills etc etc??
You have to ensure they're happy at school, of course, and nip any bullying in the bud quickly - my primary aged dd didn't want to go to school one day and feigned illness, I knew this wasn't like her and she eventually opened up about it that another child was being mean to her. I told her I'd sort it and speak to her teacher and she sorted it out.
There's nothing that can't be fixed and my dd knows that.
I do think Covid didn't help as it was seen as "kids can 'learn' from home and people can 'work' from home" - my child really needs to be in the classroom and I think it's set back a lot of children and changed the mindsets of a lot of parents.

I honestly think my school refuser would have attempted to kill herself if I’d taken away things that she enjoyed. As it was she’d thrown herself out of a car, squeezed herself under a gate and run into a road to get away from school.
I tended to limit tech during school hours and often she was too deregulated to do anything much but sleep after a school related meltdown.
once we moved away from ‘punishing’ school refusal and accepting that she just couldn’t go our relationship improved significantly and whilst her attendance is still awful she is not self harming or indulging in risky relationships and, probably selfishly, I’m not a wreck of a person-I can function at work and be a better mum to other child as well as her.

I'vev seen three EBSA episodes today. One child with difficult circumstances who was probably trying to regain some sort of sense of control. One with emotional regulation difficulties. And my own DC who made it into school then was rude to a member of staff.

The rigid, autocratic, fear based environment of secondary school causes my daughter huge anxiety. A complete lack of understanding by staff of her SEN doesn’t help. She’s a sociable intelligent girl but there have been days when she’s been unable to get in. And yes she has screens when she doesn’t go in - because how else can she do her work!?

When I started teaching in FE 20 years ago we used to say that first year was like rehabilitation for students - I never expected so many years later that school would still be so bad.

Just to add to the other ladies, I think a lot of it is to do with teachers. I was a teacher so I know the pressures but some of them are just dictators on a power trip. The SLT at my last school is the reason I left teaching and it’s all 100% because of their nasty bitchy behaviour. My son (autistic) is very empathetic and because he struggles he ends up being a “thorn” in the teachers side. She can’t “control” or “deal with him” because she ignores every reasonable thing we have put to her (let him step outside, let him take a breather, let him get his medication for his spinal scoliosis if it’s playing up!) and just ignores him or antagonises him. Until he snaps…

Probably autism. And the school environment has changed so much from when I was young that it had triggered her anxious tendencies earlier than she would have been otherwise.

I am an anxious person but wouldn't say I really suffered from anxiety until I was in my 20s. My daughter is selectively mute - the school environment being where she can't speak. It is an anxiety disorder.

Not necessarily, I don’t think it helps that education is such a one size fits all approach and it can lead to all sorts of bother!

we have always struggled with my daughters behaviour (mostly hyperactive and impulsive behaviours) however one day she saw her sister vomit and that triggered something for her. She is now terrified of people coughing or vomiting. Sometimes even the word sick is too much. This prevented her from attending school and when she did attend she’d feel trapped and want to run. We forced her in as we were under the impression this was the right thing to..

it was the worst thing we’ve ever done as parents, it broke her and I’ll never be able to forgive ourselves for what we pushed her to do when she was in a state of sheer panic. Even the teachers agree now forcing the attendance is the wrong way to go about it.

Why are so many more children so anxious these days? What causes it? I’m sure it’s so much more prevalent when I was a child. I’ve suffered anxiety on and off since my 20s but didn’t even know it existed until then. It just wasn’t a word in my vocabulary. Can anyone say why their child has such extreme anxiety that they cannot even go to school?? I’m terrified of ever being in this position. DS is extremely calm, happy and friendly boy. Will he suddenly wake up one day and be so anxious that he can’t go to school?!

I know one who is now a musician and has her own business.

I know of many home educated teens who start GCSEs in subjects of interest at around the age of 12 or 13 and get enough for sixth form by 16.

i know one home educated while who got a scholarship aged 13 to a private school then went on to get GCSEs and alevels.

I think any statistics about what children with EBSA do later are unhelpful if they don't take into account the reasons for the difficulties attending school in the first place. If a child doesn't attend because they have autism then that may well impact them in their future studies/ work life.

Can I butt in? I want to say thank you to everyone who replied on this thread. Here was me sat heartbroken at my kitchen table today,angry,upset and confused and feeling very alone and isolated.Reading all your stories of your situations has helped me more than any of you will ever know today.I feel less alone and my goodness that bit was a revelation. I am struggling too OP and trust me from my limited experience no parent or child wants to be in this situation. I am too tired for the wheres and why fors but it is so hard and it is very real.Please don't judge we do enough of that ourselves.

You’d have to look I can only go on my own lived experience..

My sisters both had EBSA (it’s not that they simply refuse school) one has her own business and the other works as TA in a school! (I get the irony!) 🤣