"School refusal" trend

I really don't think this is new. kids have always 'played truant'. I think before gaming and SM though they would get up and actually leave the house with parents blissfully unaware that they were knocking about with their mates all day. Today's children have no incentive to do that. Schools weren't as hot on attendance and safeguarding. I went through a period where I refused to go to school because of awful bullying. I just locked myself in my room and short of breaking the door in and carrying me out there was nothing DM could have done. I can't remember how it was resolved but I did go back eventually. For every child who has serious MH concerns or particular issues (such as bullying) there will be one who just doesn't want to go and has no interest in school. I'm sure the former group has increased over recent years for obvious reasons but there's always been 'school refusal'. We just referred to them as little shites back in the day. They weren't all analysed to within an inch of their lives.

This! My daughter came out of school for two years. The support in the sixth form college was better and she coped. She then went to university and the support package was amazing - she is absolutely flying and well on track to get a first as well as winning awards left, right and centre. Neurodiverse children have so much to offer but we need to stop pushing for a one size fits all education. Recognise the difficulties of life and work to resolve them. The greatest minds in the world have been / are neurodiverse. Why the hell aren't we nurturing it rather than terrifying these kids into their bedrooms.

I had a friend who was very unhappy at school. Yes, she pretended to go in. But then she 'bunked off'. Same thing, different method.

What a horribly judgemental person you are. Yes some parents will be lazy. However there are lots of reasons for this to be happening. Some I am aware of include:

1. all children being expected to be in school until 18 regardless of ability/disability (not that long ago, many children would have been let go at 16 or even earlier if they weren't seen to be achieving)
2. more children with difficulties surviving birth and therefore existing later in the system.
3. Schools having increasing pressures to ensure academic success.

1. Older children who would have dropped out officially at say 14, HAVING to stay on till 18, but struggling massively with doing so and refusing to attend.
2. More children with difficulties/disabilities being in the school system but maybe struggling to do so.
3. Schools having to "push" children harder. Making children do more that they find really hard, or not easing up on children who are clearly struggling - some of these children may respond well to this, but lots more have breakdowns and become too mentally unwell to cope with school.

Of course lazy parents whose kids run a muck exist, but also children are put under lots more pressure and are more often made to feel (even subconsciously) inadequate if they go to school but "under perform" in some way. It's often these kids who develop school phobias and end up not going in.

Ah, another thread where the OP doesn’t return yet upsets parents of children who for many reasons refuse to go to school. There’s some really odd individuals out there who appear to get a kick out of upsetting people.

I'm surprised anyone could be this ignorant.

Or perhaps they actually are about us, but the OP is ignorant of reality and chooses to see it as simply a disciplinary issue.

Delightful?!
This is Mumsnet.
We used to say 'Netmums' is that way , but I heard they shut down.

And if that leaves your teen utterly stranded without any social contact or access to their online learning?

None of you have a clue until you've lived in. I would say it's smug but it's actually just enviable ignorance of the reality for many many families.

All those kids refusing school without underlying issues have been raised by parents having very low boundaries and being too permissive from the start. Wouldn’t have happened 40 years ago. Those kids wouldn’t have even considered it as an option but today they have no resilience and stop at the first hurdle, with their parents giving in as opposed to helping them overcome the hurdle (it’s obviously easier to give in). No wonder the society is going downhill.

You are talking absolute rubbish! I was a child of the 70's and there was a cohort of children who frequently missed school and very little was done. I found a school report the other day and my attendance in year 3 of secondary school was one third. I struggled with depression and illness in that year. No one at any point spoke to my parents.
The reality is that the lack of flexibility on school attendance is a huge part of the problem. When my autistic daughter started struggling it would have been so much easier to let her have some downtime rather than pushing her to go in daily until she was suicidal and the school didn't want her anymore. If she had been able to take some time off in her third year then maybe she would have settled back in as I did.

Some very defensive responses on here. It is possible that not everything is about YOU.

I see you and acknowledge your efforts. I really relate.

RubySloth she is 15 and incredibly immature, I talk to her about the future, it goes in one ear and out the other unfortunately. She will hopefully just about pass her exams, I would love her to get some sort of apprenticeship if at all possible. She talks about being a chef, but I don't think it's something she could handle. We just keep plugging away, school is important, earning a living is important, I am sick of listening to myself tbh!

Sod off with that comment.

My child has "refused" since Christmas. She has recently been diagnosed with Autism. The senco believes she is in autistic burnout.

They didnt apply for an EHCP though, i had to do that in March after trying for the 3 months getting her back into school. My child has lost a lot of trust in me for that.

Camhs is a recent thing as my child cut her wrists. The waiting lists are very long and we were rejected at least twice before that.

She has had no education since December. The Dept for Education bleats on about attendance but they are happy for my daughter to receive no education for 6 months.

It used to be the case that opting out of going to school meant a very boring day at home. Thats no longer the case, with the amount of technology available.

@Bluevelvetsofa a parent might well not be able make a child go to school but they absolutely can and should make not attending boring. Turn off the wifi and all electronics. You pay for them. There should be zero reward for choosing to opt out of school otherwise of course you stand no hope of getting them back there. Who's in charge here?!

You sound delightful, no wonder a lot of children have issues with the amount of abusive people.

There are some absolute fucking pricks on this post.

But that's no surprise. Goady posts like this always draw them out.

Countless posts here from MNers who have clearly been through the mill with supporting a child that's struggling.

We all openly acknowledge how difficult the environment is for teachers. How the classes are too large, there are no TAs, lots of children in the wrong setting, teachers expected to cover subjects they have no experience/knowledge of. Teachers struggling with their own mental health and anxiety. Teachers leaving the profession in droves.

It's absolutely right that we should have some empathy for teachers working in such a tough environment. But maybe consider the fact that all of the above might actually have an impact on the children too eh??

Consider the fact that funding is so woefully short in schools that children are now in environments which are really damaging. It's not like it was 40, 50 years ago. Our schools are a state. And I say this as a school governor with 5+ years experience.

Schools work for some children - but not all. Unlike years ago we now take notice of children who can't cope rather than inflict years of trauma on them that has long-lasting effects.

But yes, of course, it's just shitty parenting, right? Sure there might be a handful of cases but the vast vast majority of cases are not the fault of the parent or the child. Much easier to blame the parents though. Much easier to feel good about yourself by looking down on parents who have a desperately unhappy child.

Well done all of you being judgemental. Slow clap.

Yes but the point is how the fuck does the OP (or RubySloth) know?

They're making assumptions a lot of the times based on snapshots.

If you met my child on a Sunday you wouldn't know that the day before she had tried to hang herself, and the day before that taken an overdose. She isn't intellectually impacted by her autism, and is smart and beautiful and kind and funny and interesting and caring and often very extroverted.

But school wasn't designed with her in mind; no getting around that fact unfortunately.

I have no doubt there will be many genuine reasons...I also think the current generation is probably less resilient than previous ones.

DarkGlassesAndHat
Work isn’t the same, you have a tough time at work you say I’m booking time off. School you’re in until designated holidays. And your ffs tells me you’re lucky in this way and your kids have never properly refused to go to school

This thread isn’t about you personally

Schools are loud, busy, chaotic places filled with hundreds and sometimes thousands of people. Children are forced to spend their days with other children they may not like, doing things they aren't necessarily interested in, and having to follow a set of rigid and inflexible routines that restrict their movement and freedom of choice.

Schools are still run on draconian, Dickensian principles. People are ordered about on the sound of bells. Children shuffle down corridors to go in and out of enclosed spaces where they're forced to sit and listen for an hour or more. Any infraction of the arbitrary rules enforced on them lead to punishments. They have very little autonomy or personal space during the school day.

I really don't think it takes a huge stretch of imagination to understand why so many children find the thought of going into school hugely anxiety inducing.

I am a secondary school teacher. I hate most schools. I think the majority of state schools are horrific environments for children and we need wholesale change across the education system to create learning environments that nurture young people rather than restrict and control them.

We need smaller schools with smaller class sizes. We need increased autonomy, choice and flexibility for children. We need a more creative approach to the school day and a much more creative approach to the curriculum - both in terms of what is taught and how it is taught. We need to scrap GCSEs and take the pressure off children by not testing them over and over and over again to the point where they aren't learning, they're just memorising. Schools should be places of community - of fun, of joy, of discovery and creativity. If they were, we wouldn't have children refusing to go.

It's not the children who are the problem. It's the system.

OP are you being goady on purpose, I can only assume so.

I would absolutely LOVE for you to spend a week in my shoes with my school avoiding child, to see the trauma it has caused the whole family and understand how difficult it is to manage. It absolutely has nothing to do with laziness and I have never given my child a choice. It's impacted everything from our careers to our relationship to our other children's mental health. It's been this way since day 1 of nursery for my DC. They now self harm and threaten suicide and honestly, that's not even the hardest stuff to deal with. They are 7 years old.

Maybe there are some children whose parents don't make much effort to get them in, I'm sure it's a spectrum, but you must have known this post would upset and diminish those who are truly and markedly affected by this, given your field of work. Shame on you.

And as an aside have you tried dragging a large 7 year old 1.5 kilometres down the road on foot? Some primary school kids are bigger than me.