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Original poster

To think they should let her take part?

67 replies

UndertheCedartree · 02/07/2024 18:56

This has made me so angry/upset. So just looking for a reality check before I say anything.

My DD is in Y7. She has ASD and has struggled to settle in. Due to her anxiety and illness (she had Long COVID and since that is so prone to illness and post viral fatigue.) her attendance is low.

I had lots of problems with the HOY not wanting to make reasonable adjustments for her. Things were getting worse and worse. He stopped her going on a trip due to her ASD. She has felt so left out and very sad. Since I complained he's been out of the picture and things have improved.

Recently, we were asked to give permission for our DC to show families around at the open evening. I talked to my DD about it and she was quite anxious about it but after some thought was keen to do it. This is massive for her - she often finds it hard to join in. I spoke to her Learning Mentor and said I really think this could increase her self esteem and help her feel she was part of the school. She agreed.

Anyway, I heard nothing so chased it up with her Learning mentor. Apparently the HOY has said she can stay in the library with the SEN team and 'show people around the library'. DD is crushed. She's feeling left out once again. The knock on effect is it will now be harder to get her into school. I just don't understand why they would do this if they apparently want her attendance to be better and they want her happier at school? This would have had such a positive effect!

OP posts:
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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 13/07/2024 22:28

Thanks, everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 13/07/2024 22:28

LadyFeatheringt0n · 13/07/2024 20:39

If the library is where the parents who want to know about SEN provision go, has it occurred to you that they have considered your DC in a capacity as an ambassador for that?

Remember. This is not about your DD. This is about "selling" the school to these parents. These are parents who may be extremely worried about their DD with SEN starting secondary. Meeting your DD may be extremely valuable to them.

No, they haven't. My DD was invited to show families around the school. The other DC were sent a letter confirming details. We had nothing until I chased it up twice. This was a last minute thing they made up.

OP posts:
saturnspinkhoop · 13/07/2024 20:59

I’ve just come across this thread. I’m so pleased for you and your DD that she got to do the tours and all went well. Good for you for sticking up for your DD.

Greenlittecat · 13/07/2024 20:46

UndertheCedartree · 12/07/2024 13:47

Update My DD took families on tours around her school last night and I was told she did brilliantly! I'm so proud of her!

Aw yay! Well done to your daughter and for you for advocating for her ❤️

LadyFeatheringt0n · 13/07/2024 20:39

If the library is where the parents who want to know about SEN provision go, has it occurred to you that they have considered your DC in a capacity as an ambassador for that?

Remember. This is not about your DD. This is about "selling" the school to these parents. These are parents who may be extremely worried about their DD with SEN starting secondary. Meeting your DD may be extremely valuable to them.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 13/07/2024 20:30

HappierTimesAhead · 12/07/2024 20:46

Wonderful! And well done for being such a fantastic mum!

Oh, that's so kind, thank you.

OP posts:
HappierTimesAhead · 12/07/2024 20:46

Wonderful! And well done for being such a fantastic mum!

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/07/2024 14:52

That’s brilliant! Thanks for updating and huge well done from me. She must be very proud and happy 😊

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 12/07/2024 13:47

Update My DD took families on tours around her school last night and I was told she did brilliantly! I'm so proud of her!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/07/2024 20:05

bunchofforgetmenots · 03/07/2024 17:36

Well done for fighting for this OP! It was discrimination, and it was really worth you pushing back. Why does it have to be so hard?

I ask myself that almost every day!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/07/2024 20:03

Epicaricacy · 03/07/2024 16:50

well quite.

But the other poster who pretends thats' how it should be, adjustments only to happen when requested by the family, is stupid.

That would clear all the schools and every other set up for doing nothing, because "the parents had not asked them".

Adjustments shouldn't come from the family, because such requests shouldn't be needed to put plans into place and also because some families are completely unreasonable.

Show quote history

Yes, I see your point.

OP posts:
bunchofforgetmenots · 03/07/2024 17:36

Well done for fighting for this OP! It was discrimination, and it was really worth you pushing back. Why does it have to be so hard?

HappierTimesAhead · 03/07/2024 17:19

Epicaricacy · 03/07/2024 16:50

well quite.

But the other poster who pretends thats' how it should be, adjustments only to happen when requested by the family, is stupid.

That would clear all the schools and every other set up for doing nothing, because "the parents had not asked them".

Adjustments shouldn't come from the family, because such requests shouldn't be needed to put plans into place and also because some families are completely unreasonable.

Show quote history

I never said 'adjustments only to happen when requested by the family'.
I said that pupils and their families have the right to request adjustments. I then gave the OP's example as not being a reasonable adjustment but a staff member excluding a child from participating in something that her peers are being allowed to participate in.
In a perfect world the adjustments would already exist but sometimes they come up as and when there is an issue. Families and schools need to work together to best support the child.
Thanks for calling me stupid though.

perfumasour · 03/07/2024 16:56

Great news OP

Epicaricacy · 03/07/2024 16:50

UndertheCedartree · 03/07/2024 16:34

I'm sorry, but do you have a SEN child? If so your experience with them has been very different to mine. We generally have to fight for everything!

Show quote history

well quite.

But the other poster who pretends thats' how it should be, adjustments only to happen when requested by the family, is stupid.

That would clear all the schools and every other set up for doing nothing, because "the parents had not asked them".

Adjustments shouldn't come from the family, because such requests shouldn't be needed to put plans into place and also because some families are completely unreasonable.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/07/2024 16:34

Epicaricacy · 03/07/2024 16:29

You spectacularly miss the point, well done.

IF adjustments were made ON DEMAND by the parent/ child, how do you think that would actually work?

They don't happen until they are requested?

Brilliant. You are the ridiculous and uninformed idiot.

Show quote history

I'm sorry, but do you have a SEN child? If so your experience with them has been very different to mine. We generally have to fight for everything!

OP posts:
Epicaricacy · 03/07/2024 16:29

HappierTimesAhead · 03/07/2024 14:02

Schools have a legal obligation under the Equality Act to support pupils who are disabled with reasonable adjustments.
A school must not discriminate against a disabled pupil because of something that is a consequence of their disability.

Part of the Equality Act is about having the right to request adjustments. It is not about some staff member deciding the OP's DD isn't up to it and relegating her a non-role that does not exist for any other pupil.

I would posit that you sound rather ridiculous and uninformed.

Show quote history

You spectacularly miss the point, well done.

IF adjustments were made ON DEMAND by the parent/ child, how do you think that would actually work?

They don't happen until they are requested?

Brilliant. You are the ridiculous and uninformed idiot.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/07/2024 16:28

HappierTimesAhead · 03/07/2024 14:02

Schools have a legal obligation under the Equality Act to support pupils who are disabled with reasonable adjustments.
A school must not discriminate against a disabled pupil because of something that is a consequence of their disability.

Part of the Equality Act is about having the right to request adjustments. It is not about some staff member deciding the OP's DD isn't up to it and relegating her a non-role that does not exist for any other pupil.

I would posit that you sound rather ridiculous and uninformed.

Show quote history

Exactly.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/07/2024 16:27

Epicaricacy · 03/07/2024 13:49

making adjustments (that you and your DD did not ask for)

Adjustments are not made just because parents or child ask for them, don't be ridiculous. Adjustments are made when they are needed, or they should when the schools are able to.

To be honest, yes most happen on my request. But as you say they should be made when they are needed but in this situation they were not needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/07/2024 16:25

HappierTimesAhead · 03/07/2024 13:43

Fantastic news OP! Some of the comments here are ableist and discriminationatory under the guise of being 'caring' and making adjustments (that you and your DD did not ask for).
Also, any pupil could have a meltdown or find the role overwhelming, not just those that are ND. Every pupil should have the same opportunities to participate.

Show quote history

Thank you, I agree. The headteacher felt the potential positives outweighed the potential negatives.

It is sad to see so many people thinking just because a DC has ASD they couldn't possibly show families round the school!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/07/2024 16:21

Epicaricacy · 03/07/2024 13:33

As a side note, every secondary school I visited had people - students and teachers - specifically in the library.

Visiting families were stopping for some time and asking lots of questions.

No one seemed miffed to have been allocated "the library".

DD like all Y7s was invited to take families around the school. DD accepted that invitation. All her friends parents were sent a letter about it except DD. It was only after I chased it up twice that eventually she was 'allocated the library'.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/07/2024 16:15

lanthanum · 03/07/2024 13:27

They've probably put her in the library for one of two reasons. One is that they think she might be particularly helpful there. The other is that they're worried she might not cope with the general showing around (they were perhaps surprised that she volunteered). If she couldn't go on a trip without an LSA, it's possible they think there should be one on hand, and she can't really have one trailing round with her on the tour.

I think there are two approaches you could take. One is to contact the HoY and say "she was actually really keen to do the showing round, and I think she can do it - she's really disappointed you've allocated her to the library and thinks you don't think she can - I wonder whether a swap is possible" (or you could ask the learning mentor to do this). The other is to to say to your daughter that they probably think she'd be particularly good in the library, and she'll get to meet all the parents, and help her think about what she might say. She could be pro-active: "Hello Millie, do you want to take a couple of minutes off while I tell your guests about the library."

I think if I was the HoY I'd look to see whether any of those coming to the open day have ASD, and perhaps get her to take them round. Even without disclosing anything, the parents may deduce, and would probably understand if she struggled with the task - and be pleased to see that she was given the chance.

Yes, that would be good but I don't think anyone would be aware of the SEN status of any of the visitors.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/07/2024 16:13

BobbyBiscuits · 03/07/2024 12:34

When I was in y7 the library was my favourite place! There were loads of interesting books on stuff like fashion and makeup that I didn't have access to at home. There were computers there and you could do mocked up newspapers and write articles and they had microfiche! This was the late 80s. Lol
I would have been really happy to be in charge of the library tour. Most of the rest of the school is probably just boring classrooms, many of which your daughter might not even have used or visited herself yet.
Could she do some research about a topic she likes and incorporate that into the tour, I found these things here and here and I made this on the computer over here etc.
I'd try and make the most of the opportunity. It could be great for her and her confidence. Can she work with another friend with SEN (or not of course) if they do it in pairs?

There is no separate 'library tour' the guides will show their families round there. My DD loves reading but there's still only books and computers in there.

There's lots of places to show on the tour with activities too. There's a massive sports hall and gym, tennis courts, a performing arts centre, a garden, a chapel, the Art studios are amazing. They have reading areas, a wellbeing room, learning support centre. She's been at the school almost a year now so has been everywhere - they wouldn't be very good guides otherwise!

OP posts:
HappierTimesAhead · 03/07/2024 14:02

Epicaricacy · 03/07/2024 13:49

making adjustments (that you and your DD did not ask for)

Adjustments are not made just because parents or child ask for them, don't be ridiculous. Adjustments are made when they are needed, or they should when the schools are able to.

Schools have a legal obligation under the Equality Act to support pupils who are disabled with reasonable adjustments.
A school must not discriminate against a disabled pupil because of something that is a consequence of their disability.

Part of the Equality Act is about having the right to request adjustments. It is not about some staff member deciding the OP's DD isn't up to it and relegating her a non-role that does not exist for any other pupil.

I would posit that you sound rather ridiculous and uninformed.

Epicaricacy · 03/07/2024 13:49

making adjustments (that you and your DD did not ask for)

Adjustments are not made just because parents or child ask for them, don't be ridiculous. Adjustments are made when they are needed, or they should when the schools are able to.