To hate husband being here on my days off

I like the house quiet on my days off too

Tell him to leave. Permanently. Your MH will improve instantly.

Who the fuck does he think he is doing nothing at home?!

Stop pandering to him!

No more meals, no keeping the TB down. He complains tell him the solution is that he goes to office. You are off unwell and need to recover, prioritise yourself. Put your oxygen mask on so you can look after the DC.

Just for context he does nothing and I mean nothing

But why do you let him get away with this?

So why are you with him then?

You’ve listed about 10 things you dislike about him including the fact you don’t want to spend days off with him so that’s a you problem if you can’t leave an unhappy marriage.

You could also go out on your days off too, you don’t have to stay in the house. That’s also your choice.

Not on Mumsnet it’s not - you have to be perfectly in love 24/7 with a human being with no flaws or irritating habits otherwise: DOOMED 🤣

I love my husband being at home but hate him working from home. It’s a different dynamic.

🙄🙄🙄

This is Mumsnet - people tell posters to divorce because their husbands snore or breathe in the wrong direction, surely you didn’t expect impartial advice 🤷‍♀️

I think that’s a bit different to the vibe coming from OP’s post which basically screams I don’t like my husband, I want him away from me. In your example, I would be having a conversation about how we can make it work so we both get what we need and maybe even spend some time together, eat lunch, take a quick walk, etc. What she is saying is something entirely different and speaks of a dysfunctional marriage to me.

Yanbu i need my space to. I wonder if he's the opposite and doesn't like being alone and constantly needs to be around others . Not that, that's your problem but might explain it more.

If you are trying to relax and recuperate and someone is talking loudly and happily accepting you waiting on them would you not be irritated

Of course he's going to be at home, he has a house slave on the days you're there. In the kindest way, you're just enabling his behaviour. Next time he's off, make as much noise as you can especially when he's on the phone and stop cooking for him.

I’d tell him my days were Wednesday and Thursday when they were actually Monday and Tuesday. Then say ‘oos! They were changed last minute!’

Be factual and try not to directly blame him.

Apologise for last conversation and say you are having time off from work because of your mental health/stress. Hearing him work and having to be careful about what you are doing is making you more stressed and you are concerned you will need longer off as a result. It would really help you if he could do you a favour and go into work on your days off.

Honestly I would just go about your day exactly as you would if he wasn’t there, if he doesn’t like it then he has the option to go into the office.

My husband has the option to WFH 1 day a week and I’m currently off on maternity leave, he likes to work in our kitchen and he asked if I was okay with that, I told him I don’t mind where he works but that this is our home, not the office, so if he wants to work here that’s absolutely fine but I’m not going to behave or use the space any differently than I normally would. So I still watch the tv, I pop in and out with baby, I have friends/family over, he doesn’t mind at all but he knows if he did mind then it would be on him to go into the office rather than me tiptoe around him all day.

I don’t think this is just about him being home on your days off, is it?

You sound as if you actively dislike him. Which isn’t necessarily unreasonable, but if the presence of your husband upsets upsets you as much as this, I don’t think this is a marriage with a future.

1. Buy a shed for yourself or
2. Shoot him

So you are being too accommodating, making him breakfast and lunch, keeping quiet, not inviting friends over or putting on the tv.
Trll him you will be having at least one of your days at home to do what you want. Then do it. Have friends over, make Tuesday ( or any specific day) your regular day for visitors, loud online Zumba, hoovering and fasting. Don’t cook, behave as if he is not there.
Or you could ask him why he is determined to work from home on the days you have asked him not to, that you need the place to yourself sometimes ( regularly). Ask if he’s trying to upset you, because that’s what it looks like. No good hinting, you are going to have to be very clear.

I agree with this.
I had to absolutely spell it out to my ND DH.
I'm an introvert, I need space.
All those telling Op she's wrong, the marriage is over -complete nonsense!

This. Stop feeling guilty. Stop blaming Asperger's. You have asked him, explained to him, but he ignores your wishes. That's not Asperger's, that's selfishness.
So, sit him down. Tell him that your days at home are for YOUR mental health. You will be watching TV, playing music, in and out of the house, and NOT catering for him.
Then he can't complain when you do just what you've said. He can choose whether to be at home on the understanding that this will happen, or he can change his WFH days.
If he's still an arse about it, you've got a longer term decision to make.

Turn the TV up louder…

I’m not joking. Make it awkward for him so he goes to the office. Your home is not an office and he should not take up a main room and dictate what happens.

I would not be making food for him and I would be doing my chores around him in the kitchen. Tell him you will be hoovering, playing the radio, cleaning the floors and generally doing things most normal people do on days off. Put the TV on and watch a film and pretend he is t there. Tell him if he needs to work quietly he can go into the office like he does every other day.

I would hate to be married to a clingy man. Luckily my husband is more independent. We spend some time together but quite a lot doing our own things.

You should stop caring if he's eating or not. You are not his mum. He's meant to be your equal.

If he doesn't eat all day then that's on him.

To me this is very very odd. I can’t imagine wanting to avoid my husband and asking him to not be in his own home on the days that I’m there. This is not what a normal marriage looks like. I think you should look into where your mental health issues are coming from and address them…I doubt they are stemming from your husband being at home.