Usual story, scared to commit

If you want kids move on asap. Make that your priority.

I’m sorry but I think you should move on. My DH had a girlfriend for 9 or 10 years (met at final year at uni). They broke up. A few months later (both of us aged 33) he met me and we were married within 6 months.

He has said he doesn’t want to marry you. Don’t waste your time.

And also this. I spent 4 years with a guy who told me the same. He was engaged to a friend of his within a year of me walking away and I knew it was the right thing because he wasn't indecisive, he knew i wasn't the one, he just didn't know how to end it with me. Now I wish I hadn't wasted so many years on him

There is your answer then. He’s not fully sold on you as a wife, girlfriend is fine both you’re just not it for him.

sorry to be brutal but you have to hear what he’s saying and he’s just not sure.

now you may ask, how can anyone be 100% but you are as close as 100% sure on him aren’t you because you want those things with him.

he’s not. There is no fear of marriage. Trust me, nothing really changes afterwards but that’s not a reason to not do it.

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.

Stop performing wife work.

Ah op that's hurtful to hear. At 33 yes I'd cut my losses and move on. You deserve to be with someone who can't wait to marry and start a family with you especially after so long. If you want to have children then you unfortunately don't really have the luxury of waiting around on him and you don't want to waste time since none of us know how smoothly these things go. I think he's old enough and you've been together long enough that he should know by now. So really you just need to have a think of what goals you have for your life and be very direct with him about it. If he's not 100% on board then walk away and find someone who is. It's unfair for him to string you along like this.

I've had a guy say this before. He wasn't ready. He had problems at work (he did) had mh issues (he did) had alcohol problems (also true). Couldn't commit to me.

He's within someone else within 3 months of breaking up and they've got married barely 18 months later.

He'd do it for the right person. Just not you. Move on.

This is fairly brutal. But I suspect entirely correct.

I mean he's told you really hasn't he - he's been honest enough to say it's you that he's frightened of committing to. You're just not hearing it.

And he probably will be. But with someone he loves with all his heart - and that isn't you and won't ever be you.

He might. But I suspect it will be with someone else.

Don't you want to try to be with someone who is desperate to marry you? If might not happen but it definitely won't with this bloke.

You're already lowering your standards here. You want different things and the longer it's dragged out the more you're decreasing your options.

Well after 4.5 years to hear that I'd be tempted to punch his teeth out.

You aren't Mrs. Right, you're Mrs. Right Now.

It's a bitter pill to swallow but not as bitter as waiting then he leaves you at 40 for a 25 yo he has children with.

If he says he’s not ready you have to listen to him, respect that and move on. The age difference between you is not in your favour unfortunately. A man at 29 is often in a very different place from a woman at 33. The last thing you want is a resentful, unwilling groom and father. You deserve better

Lots of people in my friend group only married after 10-14 years together.

The difference?
None of the women wanted children, and the marriages were purely as the simplest way to tie up the legal issues, not because anyone was bothered about being or getting married as a thing in itself.

He's happy to be with you day to day, but not on board with something that you've said is important to you and criticism for your long term future.

That's fine, he's allowed to not want to get married and have kids, but if it's not compatible with what you want in your life, then it's better to make an active decision than to just sit and wait and hope indefinitely - how much of your life are you willing to devote to hanging around until he possibly decides it's something he also wants? What if he never does?

I got married after 10 years but we’d bought a house and had a child together by then. And key difference is that we both knew that we wanted all three things. Just life (and Covid) got in the way.

I would give it another week. TBH.

Who wants to lead a reluctant man to the altar and maternity ward by the nose?

Time to move on.

I'd be looking to move out and split up now. I'd sit him down and tell him, 'Thanks for the honesty. It's clear that we want different futures and there is no point continuing this relationship any longer. I'm calling it a day now'.

You asked him a year ago - and nothing has changed. At 33 you've wasted 4.5 years on someone who is 'scared' of marriage and kids? He's immature for a start, but ultimately you want different things in life and I'd be moving on to find someone who wanted the same things as me.

He's younger so he can wait 10 years for someone else to have babies with. You can't. He's not ready, you are. At 33 you can't wait.

It's shit or get off time.

That's fine if you are in your mid twenties but at 33 you need to cut your losses unfortunately

Be careful you don’t become the “place marker” OP.