Usual story, scared to commit

So he's saying , you're not the one. You need to leave.

My DH couldn't wait to propose and marry me; that's the kind of love you want OP.

Someone who says; "I want you to be mine forever, I want to commit to you, have you as the mother to my children and spend as much of my life with you as possible."

It took a year for my DH to propose and he said his only regret is not meeting me sooner in his life so we could have spent more time together; I feel the same way.

15 years and two DC later we were even more in love; he was my best friend.

Sadly he's now my late husband, but I still feel blessed to have had 15 years of that bottomless love and devotion and I'd rather that than 40yr of lacklustre "love" and family/child/commitment avoidance.

He's making it very clear you're Ms good enough for now. And he'll be off and probably having babies once someone 'better' comes along. It's your choice whether or not you accept that treatment.

OP, this is brutal, but you need to watch it:

Please don’t waste your time on him. Please. He’ll happily waste away your fertility, he won’t care. I know it’s hard but it’ll be worse getting to 45 and still being with a man child.

Im sorry op but the only way he could make his feelings clearer about what he thinks of you and him having a future together , is by him actually breaking up with you. Walk away, he's told you that he does not see a future with you.

Jesus Christ OP, I don’t know how much clearer he could be here, but you just aren’t hearing him.

He is scared by the idea that in ten years time, he won’t have found anyone else, and will still be stuck dating you. If that isn’t a wake up call, I really don’t know what would be.

Goodness op he couldn’t be clearer about his intentions! You’ve lowered the bar as low as it will go and he’s still not interested. Just walk away. That’s the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

Well then. Bin him now. It’s been four years for fuck’s sake.

No matter how slim the online pickings are in your 30s you still have a much better chance of meeting somebody to marry and have children with if you leave this man. After all you only have to find one decent one and focus on what your bottom line is. There are very few men of 6'3" who are immensely good looking, financially secure and perfect out there. I ended up marrying somebody completely different to the men I had been dating - he wasn't keen on looking "cool" or "hip", he was keen, he followed through on dates, he was honest, well educated, employed and he wanted a life together. A friend tried to dissuade me from marrying him because she said "he wasn't good at parties". No, he didn't make drunken scenes - he was just a bit shy. She on the other hand never married although she did get to hang around a lot of guys who were good at parties.

Don’t stay with someone who after this amount of time isn’t sure you are ‘the one’.

You’re still so young - you’ll find someone. And then you won’t have to plead with them!

Wow, so what does he actually want? His indifference seems savage. Is he making no effort to try and process what you're asking him?

He's saying he doesn't want to be with you forever. That's not massively encouraging as a basis for matrimony.
He's not ready for it, maybe won't be for another 20 years if it all, Al Pacino is still insisting on procreation in his 80s!?
You need to leave him now. He's not lying and stringing you along, hes saying he doesn't want it and doesn't know if he will. So it's partly your own fault you've let it go on this long.

This.

Give yourself a better chance of finding someone who does want what you want.

I think if you stayed on, he'd go along with it as it's comfortable, (and utterly selfish) but you'd be increasingly upset at his lack of care for your future.

Good! Because then you would have waited and wasted two more years! If you leave now you have time to find someone who is excited to marry you and have children before your fertility becomes an issue. Don’t listen to those saying dating is impossible at your age, I know many who met their partner at 35+ and have a family now. Good Luck!

He is telling you very clearly how he feels about you OP- believe him. He doesn’t want to marry you, he doesn’t want to start a family with you, and after 4.5 years he is scared at the thought of committing. Only you can decide what you want for you life but if you want a husband and a family you are wasting your time with this one.

He's not interested in marrying you sadly. Please do not waste anymore of your time. Better to split now and give yourself a chance of finding someone who adores you and cannot wait to marry you.

You're not the one for him unfortunately, but you will be for someone.

Good luck, I hope you find him soon x

He's telling you loud and clear there, sorry. Your time is very precious, don't waste it 💐

Sorry, OP, I have to agree with all the other PP's.

This relationship isn't going to go where you want it to go and he's being utterly selfish and cruel to string you along as he is.

It boils down to one question-how long are you prepared to waste on this guy?

I think what you're holding onto right is a dream. A fantasy of who he could be and not who he really is. You're scared to let go because there's always a chance, however slim, that he could change his mind and suddenly want kids and marriage.

This isn't what he's showing you and can you afford to waste more of your life on the off-chance that he changes his mind? What if he doesn't?

And let's say he does propose, you will always remember his hesitancy and wonder if he's just doing it to appease you or if it's a "shut up ring," or because the woman he really wanted didn't come around.

I don't like to analyse people's thoughts like that-everyone is different-and he may have genuine concerns around marriage/kids-however, it's irrelevant. He's not giving you what you want. That's all that matters and now you need to work out what you do with that information.

If it were me, I'd have a final conversation with him about it and if his position hasn't changed-I'd be leaving.

You asked him for an answer a year ago and he's sat around saying nothing until you felt compelled to ask him again and the best he can come up with is that he's scared at the thought of committing to you for life.
That's so complacent, lazy and utterly selfish to waste your precious time like this.
Sorry OP, its really disappointing for you. You deserve better.

This is the kind of guy who will marry another woman within 6 months of you splitting, with a baby on the way soon after.

If he wanted to marry you, you would be married by now.

Don't waste anymore time with this man

I wouldn't give him any further time to come round! He is not going to marry you.

I’m going to be harsh so feel free not to read on if that’s not what you’re after.

These threads always make me think of my lovely mum who was a pain in the arse but absolutely always right about stuff like this. We had the lecture that many times over the years I could pretty much repeat it verbatim, so in (something resembling) my mums words, behold the cold hard truth.

‘I’ve seen it time and again, these blokes don’t want to settle down - they’re too young, they’re not ready - but when the woman finally wises up and leaves them they are married to the next one before you can say shotgun wedding! You see they weren’t afraid to commit, they just didn’t want to commit with that one. Don’t waste your best years on one of those love. If they aren’t desperate to marry you they don’t deserve you’.