Usual story, scared to commit

I had to give my husband an ultimatum as did another friend, I think men just don’t have the same time pressure on them that women do.

Most threads I’ve seen like this have the woman doing the whole I don’t need a big wedding or flash ring and the man procrastinating at Olympic level saying if we can’t afford a big do what’s the point.

Its embarrassing we’re willing to forgo nice things for them.

He's just not that into you and you’re running out of time here if you want kids.

Then he can come and find you. If you're still single.

@Lovehearts33 He might be stringing you along, but he’s also pretty young. it’s really not uncommon to be in his position- is he ambitious? Is he usually cautious with money?
When you say you don’t want the expensive ring or the fancy wedding- that’s all well and good but why don’t you? Maybe it would be good to stop holding him to the minimum possible standard. Think about what you honestly want, not just what you think you would put up with just to ensure you have a family. I see how it’s a really pragmatic position, very reasonable, why waste all that money on one day, right? But it might also be sending out a signal of “I will take ANY kind of treatment so long as you marry me”. Maybe he doesn’t want your friends and family to think he can’t afford a “normal wedding” and a “good” ring like everyone else?
People get pretty insecure around weddings

Do not give him any more of your time

he isn’t ready to settle with you sorry but that’s the harsh truth

go and be free to find someone who is

He’s keeping you on a string with this. That’s all.

I suspect that those people have an agreement like to buy a house first etc and that there’s no scared to commit attitude after so long. Being a parent is a scary step but I think that he should know if he sees you as a long term (forever) partner.

He has put you on 'HOLD' - and that's where you'll stay for the rest of your life. He will never change. Now is the time for you to decide what YOU want - and do it. Please do not let him waste your life away.

Read your posts, OP. He doesn't want to get married. He's not for you.

Sorry.

You can't just hang on hoping he'll come round. Give him one last chance and move on if he doesn't want to take it.

Maybe the shock of you leaving will shock him into action, but only stay if he makes definite plans. Otherwise, he'll continue to string you along. There are plenty of nice men who want to be dad's.

This with balls on

Don't do this. It won't last and you'll fuck up the kids life.

I really wouldn't recommend this. I know several people that are married and/or have children through ultimatums. They're generally solo parenting (even while married) and with people who clearly aren't really invested.

This post pretty much says it all.

He has a sweet deal right now. Sex, companionship, help with the bills, but no commitment. There's really no downside for him to this arrangement, is there? Which would be fine if you wanted the same things from life, but clearly you don't. Dump him and give yourself a chance to find a partner who wants what you want.

There's nothing wrong with you.

There are two reasons why you are not yet married:

1. you are with a man who has made it clear he will not marry you
2. you are not currently 'on the market' - you can't find a husband if you are not single and looking.

Do you want children some day? If so you have two options:

1. Trick him into fatherhood he doesn't want with you by 'accidentally' getting pregnant
2. Leave him ASAP and look for someone who wants to have children with you.

He will not break up with you at the moment because he has all the following things:

1. sex available
2. help with household costs
3. help with housework
4. all the other things you do for him that you referred to.

Please, do your future self a big favour and end this relationship now.

The time to talk about giving you the wedding you deserve was several years ago. Tell him no, it’s marriage and ttc by the end of the year or you’re leaving.

Op, come on now, you really need to take the blinders off because this is getting ridiculous. He is lying to you. He is strategically stringing you along. He is saying just enough to keep you hooked because he likes his easy life just the way it is. This is honestly one of the oldest stories in the book.

Really, I think you need to stop pandering to him. The reality is that he doesn't want to marry you, in a registry office or anywhere else. He will feel the same next year and the year after too. That's his right of course, but if you want children, then you need to cut him loose. You only have a limited time in which to have children, and at your age every year counts.

Its is bullshit OP. Open your eyes and close up your heart.

The quicker you get over this guy, the faster you can heal and find someone who actually loves you and wants to build a life with you.

I swear, if you stay another year you will regret it more than anything you've ever regretted in your life.

You're handing your happiness to him on a platter and watching as he turns his nose up and says "don't really fancy that".

Stop fucking giving him any control over your life and happiness and take control of the situation...

He's dangling a carrot. He doesn't mean it. If he meant it he'd propose. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't know his own mind but, more likely, is so cruel? If he loved you he'd want you to have what you wanted. He'd be honest with you. He's said he doesn't want to commit. Now he is saying he wants to give you 🙄 the wedding you deserve.

OP, he is playing a well established game of giving you crumbs, just enough to keep you hanging in there. He doesn't care about you, or your fertility, or ultimately your happiness. You are convenient to him right now and he won't look back when he gets what he perceives as a better offer. All the while, your fertility is declining. You need to think about yourself now. He certainly is

Scared my foot! I wouldn't want to be with someone who found being with me and committing to me scary.

Like others have said it's a concern he will find someone else and marry them within months of you splitting up. After you've waited.

I'd tell him straight. This ends things.

He wants to give you the wedding you deserve sounds like a proposal, but there's no date. He's previously said he wasn't willing to get engaged.

If it wasn't for the fertility issue and the "piece of paper" issue - do both of you see a life where you would be happy to grow old together?

And yet he wants to give her the wedding she deserves. So allegedly has thought about it. He's really trotting out all the lines isn't he. Arsehole.

I bet this is the truth, honestly though maybe stop doing so much for him? There’s nothing wrong with you, and what you are going through is pretty normal but maybe focus on yourself more. Take care of your self, do the things you want to do and be the person you want to be. You can’t push him into this. It might be about his level of interest but put bluntly, no one responds well to this sort of pressure.

I'd say you want to move out and date other people as you are looking for someone who wants to marry and have kids before your fertility starts declining.