To be terrified of the new neighbours

I'm in the same situation with a second run of bad neighbours. Both have had 7+ children, dogs the size of rhinos and loud music. The man who currently lives next door sits outside my back door from 8 in the morning smoking pot until 11/midnight. He smokes it around the kids and the woman spends the whole day screaming and swearing at their young children. She's pregnant with her 9th and clearly exhausted.

The neighbours before this kept asking me for things at all times of the day and night. My final straw was my WiFi password which I stupidly agreed to lend them for the night, which of course turned into a week with a lot of anger when I changed it.

The woman from this current lot is seriously aggressive. She starts fights with people in the street etc. anyway, because her partner spoke to me she now evils me and slams the door whenever I dare go outside to water my plants.

I did complain to the landlord but he just told them everything I brought up which then caused them to start arguments with me everytime I left the house...it went on for weeks.

It's so unfortunate as we all love our house but I'm seriously considering moving and downsizing to a 2 bed as it's all that I can afford now. This is a 4 bed which has allowed the kids to have their own rooms and I've just got it looking how I wanted but I can't take this anymore. Whenever I hear them through our paper things walls, my heart races. She genuinely scares me. I brought this up to my therapist who said I'm in a flight or fight response from my abusive ex. I feel completely pathetic and frustrated that I don't have the strength to face it head on. Family members just tell me to ignore them! Thankfully, it's not been the best summer so I'm not out so much but it's certainly put me off going out in my garden.

Anyway, I offer no help just understanding. I do think that when I move again, I'll be civil but I won't be overly friendly as it's not done me any good so far. Perhaps that might help. Good luck anyway! Same to all the others in this situation 😔

I feel for you OP. I'm sure my neighbours have given me PTSD. The anxiety is horrible and not knowing when the music will start thumping through the wall again. You feel like your home, your safe space in the world is violated.

I've found noise cancelling headphones help a little to at least take away the anxiety before anything starts.

I own my home but next door are tennants and there's been lots of anti-social behaviour. I know I might have made things harder for myself by going to Environmental Health but they helped and spoke to the landlord. Things haven't been quite so terrible since.

Fingers crossed for you with your next set of neighbours.

Given you've a young baby, why not drop a small home bake batch of biscuits in, with babe in arms to introduce and welcome to the road. Will at least get them to know a) you've a little one and b) break the ice somewhat.

Not a very bright response. I suspect most of the posts saying 'they are terrified of a labour victory' are Russian interference bots. You betray your lack of intelligence with strawman arguments. Voting for self-interest and the Tory party are we dearie?

Yes dear, everyone who doesn’t vote Labour is a Russian bot. 😂

Just so many threads on MN saying how they (the Russian bots?) are terrified of Labour getting into power. A feeble joke.

If its a council house you most certainly can contact them and insist that they vet the next tenants properly. You can also contact your local councillor who will raise these issues on your behalf.

Also, you most certainly can contact the landlord or the agent and insist on same.

Every single time you experience anti social behaviours report it to the police and the landlord. Lobby your councillor and mp (who cam write to the housing minister) non stop

Would there be any point in contacting the landlord by email and explaining all this and you can’t have more anti social neighbours. Make it clear you have had 2 awful neighbours listing their offences in great detail (bulleted list) and saying your patience and that of your neighbours is gone. Make it clear they will get constant complaints from you if their tenant is again awful. They may be able to allay your fears quickly. You have nothing to lose by drawing their attention to how awful all this has been to you and you are not getting your legal right to peaceful enjoyment of your own home.

If it helps, our horrible neighbours (eventually) moved. Then we heard that horrible male neighbour's brother and his family were moving in!! We were distraught, but what we didn't know was that the two brothers are estranged because of the horrible one and his partner's general dreadfulness, and that this side of the family seem perfectly normal and nice. No shouted abuse, no engines revving at midnight, and - a small but precious thing- this year I hope we'll get to eat the apples from the communal trees, which previously had been pulled off and stamped on every summer by the horrible kids.

Cbt hasn't really helped, and I can't take anxiety meds atm. How do I cope with this? Please reassure me if I'm being unreasonable!!

Just console yourself that your screaming newborn is going to disturb them more than they will probably disturb you.

I think you just have to keep your fingers crossed it will be third time lucky and you get a decent set this time.

You are not being unreasonable we have had terrible terrible neighbours. We have a shared yard which made it even worse. One would let her dogs shit everywhere when asked would deny it, no one else had a dog! She moved her daughter moved in who also had dogs n collected dog shit in a bucket! Absolutely rank. We've had neighbours who used the yard as ab extension of their rubbish bin.
All were renters, we owned so were unable to move.

If there's nothing you can do therapy-wise, because it does sound like you could benefit from it, I would go all in the other way and face it full on. Plan something nice to welcome them to the neighbourhood, bottle of wine, box of chocolates, something for the kids, something like that. Reframe it as a positive thing where you're determined to start off on a happy note with them. It will be better than hiding behind your curtains panicking, and at least you know what to expect as early as possible.

Nope

Dunno, all the families round here who are like that vote tory and voted for brexit because they are thick

Hopefully the next family will be OK op, it would be really bad luck to get 3 in a row

Prob were..😂

I thought you were going to say they were Labour Party supporters.

I'm sorry you're feeling so worried, I've had bad neighbours and know how horrible and stressful it is.
I tried to tell myself that I can only control the way I react to the situation, so tried to do things to help me feel calmer - deep breathing, noise cancelling headphones, a white noise machine and ear plugs for sleeping.
I think ultimately if they are bad the only thing you can do is to move house, so I'd focus on saving up and having that goal in your mind - remind yourself that it's not forever that you will have to deal with it.

I think it would be bad luck to have three awful sets, so hopefully things will be much better, got my fingers crossed for you.

you moved out because of it
and he’s still laid back about it

I think the neighbours moved, not the OP.