Holiday plans mess - my fault so suck it up?

If someone was somehow expecting to share a room, it actually makes no difference once they've agreed on the price of the room. You pay what you agreed to pay but you have privacy. Complete non-issue.

If someone wasn't expecting it, it ruins all the plans.

So if people decide to share room, they really need to communicate better.

That seems very fair to me @weekendersun.
I hope she sees it too, and you enjoy your trip.

To be fair, that's why i think it does need to be made clear. because the world does seem to be split pretty evenly between the "of course we'll share" vs the "I want my own room" camps. And both think their version is the obvious one.

It's like the shoes on or off debate. For those who are shoes on, leaving their shoes on is a no brainer. And vice versa for the shoes off brigade. So most of us these days check on entry to someone's house.

I always assume I’m sharing! Friends do that really regularly. If you don’t want to share you should have made it very clear before now. I’m also in my 50s

Personally I would book another room and go alone. Its not salvageable as a trip if Friend is now ignoring you.

This! Go & have a great time Op & don't give her any money!

Woah! Your friend is a CF who is using you to subsidise her holiday. That was her plan all along and she hoped you’d “be kind” and suck it up.

She wasn’t thinking about what you might want and now you’ve told her that doesn’t work for you, she still doesn’t care about your feelings because she still wants her own way and is trying to emotionally blackmail you into agreeing.

In your shoes, I’d either cancel completely or go ahead but book my own accommodation. Then I’d dump her!

The price of two rooms is going to be much more expensive than one. I also think you are being a bit precious. Twin bed room with a friend for a couple of days would be fine for most people

Not everyone wants to cut costs on holiday.

Sharing a room is only normal in my world if you're family, a student or back packing. I've shared many rooms in budget hotels abroad, when travelling 20 years ago. I wouldn't choose to do it now!

Even work trips have to provide a room per person, even if colleagues are close friends.

A bit like sleepovers or crashing on a friend's sofa, don't most people grow out of this phase by 25?

I work in a hotel and this plays out at the front desk more often than you'd think! People have very different ideas about sharing and neither is wrong and neither is right. It's just different perspectives. Though if sharing is a hard no from you then possibly mentioning it before booking would have been reasonable, because she now can't afford to do anything about it that will suit both of you as it's 3 weeks away.

You're both at fault for assuming, therefore a compromise is probably the best solution, but I do think your friend is unreasonable for not even talking to you about it. If you shouldn't have to suck up on the room, then she shouldn't have to suck up on the hotel change.

Personally I wouldn't pay to have the flight changed/new flight, and not go completely because you lose out on the break and more money. I'd offer to have the sister pay me for the break but minus the increased cost of the flight or get a room myself and offer to pay half of the extra cost the friend will incur having the room to herself (as in you pay a quarter and she pays 3/4 - maybe even offer to lend it if I could do that). The hotel may reduce the rate if there's only one person staying in the room anyway?

It's not an easy answer though if it's going to cost more money than she has.

Sounds to me as though the friendship is probably over now. I’d block her, then call the airline to see if you can either get a credit note or change the flights to an earlier/later flight so you can avoid her and book a hotel somewhere so that you can go on your own.

If she's expecting you to surrender the flight and pay the difference in flight cost too. You might as well pay for the seperate room and half hers instead. Although, not sure how much fun you will have now there's been disagreements etc

If you read the thread, you will realise that no, a twin bed room even with a friend would not be fine at all.

I am not saying people don't share. I am saying it's not "normal" to assume non-family members do!

I take a twin room when I have with only one of my kid btw, it's more comfortable for us.

I would not pay towards her sisters flight or their room.

She should have checked you were OK with the room

Pay for your own room in a separate hotel

You're not at all unreasonable.

I can't imagine sharing a room with a friend nowadays, unless we'd both agreed to do this. And it would have to be a very close friend. I don't know anyone who shares a twin room on holiday anymore. In our early 20s we did, but I found it awkward and stressful. Most people want their private space to relax, undisturbed aleep (or freedom to not sleep if insomnia hits!) And a private bathroom.

When you live with someone you get used to sharing space, routines etc. Very different with a friend! Even my sister and I don't share rooms on holiday and haven't since childhood.

I think your friend was presumptuous to assume you'd share, at least she could have asked before booking! I wouldn't pay half the room cost or the difference in price for sister to fly. If she insists on keeping the fancy hotel room rather than change to a cheaper hotel, I'd refuse to pay or insist she refunds your share if you've paid already. It's not your fault she can't afford her own room in that hotel. If she wants her sister to take your place the sister needs to pay for herself!

Unless there is a history of your sharing rooms on holiday, your friend should have checked with you before making the booking. And no, I would not be subsidising the sister if she chooses to take your place.

Pay for the increased flight cost?!? I've never heard anything so absurd!

It is not normal for adults to share a room with someone who is not their partner or a blood relation (eg sibling, child). If you discuss it beforehand, fine, but it’s not the default. YANBU. If you want to go I’d pay 1.5x if you can. If not sell your ticket to her sister. You shouldn’t have to cover the cost.

I disagree. I'm around OP's age and haven't shared a room with friends in 30 years. It's just not done.

Once in a while my sister and I will share if it's a short one-night thing en route to somewhere else, but that's about it.

I think OP's friend is being very unreasonable.

I would be annoyed if I was her. Surely you noticed the cost of the accommodation. The price of two rooms is going to be much more expensive than one. I also think you are being a bit precious. Twin bed room with a friend for a couple of days would be fine for most people.

This sounds bonkers to me! I'm 44 so not elderly but I never share on friends holidays! We all have small kids and love the rare treat of shutting the door and being totally alone...

The fault lies with the friend for booking the hotel without checking first what suited everyone. Being friends means wanting everyone to enjoy their holiday, right?

If you've got to adulthood without realising that some people like different things to you, then you've lived a sheltered and frankly weird life.

This!

She sounds like a very unpleasant friend. I don't get why you not wanting to share a room = you having to pay for her sister.

Why?

Friend sounds entitled. She caused this by not saying up front "I've booked one hotel room, double, and the rate is xx so your share will be half of that."

Who assumes that one is open to sharing a room without prior discussion?

I'd just withdraw and leave them to it. No, of course you don't have to supplement the sister's airfare.

Definitely still go but maybe try to find a cheaper hotel or Air BnB near the original one. That way if you're on better terms by then you can still meet up easily to do some sightseeing or meals together.

If her sister is sharing her room instead it's her decision and up to her if she wants to pay the going price for flights, or your friend could subsidise her. It's not your responsibility and you've offered solutions but your friend doesn't want to compromise.

The funny thing will be as you're on the same flight there getting off the plane and going your separate ways if you're not talking to one another by then. There's bound to be loads you can do either on your own or joining a guided group if she doesn't want to know. Not sure your friendship will last though!