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AIBU?

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Original poster

Missing friend's daughter's birthday party for first time... EVER!

33 replies

bexjo · 02/07/2024 10:15

Just that really.
My best friend's youngest daughter turns 8 later this month and we've NEVER missed any of the parties for her and her 3 siblings. That's how close we are. Likewise, she's never missed parties for my kids.

Dilema I've got is that my partner has some very rare leave from work the same weekend the party is due to be held and is talking about planning a weekend break, just the 2 of us. I wouldn't want to miss this. We both have stressful jobs and live in different cities, so together time is a rare treat.

How do I mention this to my friend that I'll have to bow out of attending the party? My kids will be with their elderly grandparents who don't drive whilst I'm away. The grandparents taking my kids to the party wouldn't be an option. They don't speak English and don't have transport in any case. I have nobody else to ask, nor would I really "expect" anyone to take my kids to the party if I'm not around.

AIBU for taking the opportunity of a rare weekend away with partner instead of the party?

FWIW - my kids aren't really people who love parties anyway, and won't know any of the other kids at party (except my friend's kid 4 kids).

How do I tell my friend that I won't be attending this? When I've always attended in the past!

OP posts:
TheDuck2018 · 02/07/2024 10:36

This just seems a total drama over nothing. Just explain to your friend that you can't make the party and see her another time to celebrate. Absolute non-issue.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 02/07/2024 10:34

If it’s really important to you to celebrate with her, could you do a little tea party with her the previous or following weekend? Nothing over the top, just her and your DC, a couple of sandwiches, a couple of balloons and a fairy cake with a candle in it. No real cost but the time and effort would be appreciated.

But no, I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to go away with your DH. You have to prioritise your marriage and this is part of that. Have a brilliant time!

Overthebow · 02/07/2024 10:32

I think it depends what later this month means. If it’s in 2 weeks time or less then yabu to cancel, she’ll already have numbers sorted and it’s a bit late to cancel. Later then that then fine.

StringTheory1 · 02/07/2024 10:28

I can’t imagine why I’d attend a friend or sibling’s child’s birthday party (apart from maybe their first bday where the guests tend to be mainly family and friends of the parents).

By age 8, kids have their own set of friends who form the party invitees - they don’t usually also have their mums friends turning up or having to feel obliged to attend.

I’ve never attended my DNephew & DNiece’s bday parties past age 1, and I wouldn’t dream of inviting my siblings & friends to my children’s parties (which adult wants to spend time in a soft play centre or swamped with screaming kids?!?!)

Is your friend one of these people who use any event however minor to throw a party for all & sundry / decorate the house / upload to Insta / make memories etc? I’m betting she had a massive hen-do and a ‘gender’-reveal party too, no?!

Just text her & say: “Afraid I can’t come to little Eliza’s party with her friends - DH & I are away that weekend. I’ve got her a little something though which I’ll pop round on Weds before we leave.”

minipie · 02/07/2024 10:28

How close are the kids? At 8 years old the DD will care most about having her best mates there. If your children are not her best mates I suspect this isn’t going to be as big a deal as you think.

Do a separate thing with your family and her family when you can, it’s nice for the DD to have two birthday celebrations anyway.

Fluffytoebeanz · 02/07/2024 10:26

Why don't you offer to take DD and friend's daughter to the cinema or something at another time as a birthday treat,?

Kitkatcatflap · 02/07/2024 10:24

Your DH has booked a surprise weekend away and even organised for the kids to be looked after ..... Thing is it clashes with xxxx birthday party.

Imagine if she said the same thing to your - of course you must go. It's only a birthday party, we'll catch up soon.

longdistanceclaraclara · 02/07/2024 10:18

Just tell her you can't make it. I don't see the big deal!