Who was being (more) U? Me or dh?

I disagree with most of these replies.
DH created a needless drama in my view. You'd already agreed between you that YOU would go back. When he couldn't get hold of you on the phone he should have left the arrangements as they were.
Drawing loads of attention to himself for being a martyr by shouting and throwing things isn't really something I'd praise him for either.

I'd be irritated. Shouting in playground like he's the most important person. It also implied you made him go back. When it was his mistake it was left in the first place!

Your children's school has air conditioning?!! Mine barely has enough white boards and pens! 🤣 Sorry, missing the point!

Wrt you and your DH, it was just a bit of a lack of communication. Nothing more.

Maybe it would be a good idea to make a visual reminder board for your child/children?
Like you will need ..... and then a picture of their shoes, jumper, book bag etc etc
Might be helpful?

Well, this sounds exhausting.

@NoSir I totally get why this would have felt embarrassing, especially in front of headteacher. But everybody has bad days, and escalating things when other person is struggling rarely makes things better.

I genuinely am not trying to pick on the OP but from this incident, I'm also wondering if she is contributing to or causing his GAD! Granted it's just 1 incident and may be out of character for her, but it's such a bizarre and extreme overreaction.

That was exhausting reading the mountain made out of nothing?
Is this the way you live? nitpicking and overthinking? finding offence everywhere?
He done you a favour and you tell him off?

I dont think you were wrong . I think it’s exhausting having a SEN child and working and you and dh both sound like you are trying your best in difficult circumstances so there’s bound to be flashpoints or misinterpretations etc.

I hope you can get some time to yourself today. I know what it’s like when you feeling like you’re rushing about all the time and stressed

You are very oversensitive if that's how you'd have interpreted it.

Let us all quiver and prostrate ourselves in front of the sacred Headteacher.

Honestly it's fine. Tiny bit rude/thoughtless/self important, but the teachers will have seen hundreds of parents in a rush before.

You are being more U, sorry. Mornings are stressful and he was helping you out by going back for the bag after all so you didn't have to walk back.
Teachers will see stressed out parents every morning

It sounds like you need some way of more clearly communicating certain things. Like a short cut for "I've got this 100% don't worry" or "I can hear you're getting anxious please go for a walk/step back/insert behaviour that helps him regulate." The tone was probably due to the anxiety. Anger and shouting isn't an unusual response from someone feeling anxious. Its more comfortable to feel angry than scared. That doesn't excuse it of course. Ive been on both sides as someone with anxiety, though I tend to go quite not get loud, and a mum with a child with severe anxiety who can do either. Clear communication, clear expectations, a way for him to say he can't cope or for you say you need him to take his anxiety out of the room could all help, but it only works if he's on board too. It is so hard having anxiety but it's also really hard on the other side trying to support the person with anxiety and trying o minimise the impact of that anxiety on your children.

Life can be stressful. You did fine, he did fine. You were both there for your daughter, and in the end that is saying something.

Sounds like a typical Monday morning storm in a teacup, don't let it bother you.

GAD - Grumpy Arse Dad.

My goodness, what playground antics - in the playground. A non issue / non story.
Are you really both adults.

Ah yes. I can see that would be difficult. My DH has the occasional tendency towards martyrdom which can be irritating. At least I can point it out to him and he stops being a muppet. I guess your dh's anxiety makes that difficult.

I think sometimes you're best ignoring the martyrdom though - this morning he would have presumably huffed off to be stressy and difficult at work which wouldn't have been your problem.

Whilst you are reflecting on this OP, can I suggest you look at the dd with SEN... its tough I get it. She will be pulling your family relationships all over the place.

Can I recommend that you seek to out I to place things that will help her respond as close to kids her age as you can as early as you can? So for example having a check list - pictures if need be - to ensure she has what she needs each day and getting HER into the routine of checking it? It sounds daft - and potentially demanding of a 6yr old - but try and keep her up with your older dd in the organisational sense. It's so much harder to do as they get older and the gap becomes bigger!

And remember kids make mornings/life SEND kids make it even harder. Give yourself some space and take care!

Ah I see! Yes, now you've said that, I can see I may have come across as a typical MN kick-witch. Thank you for letting me clarify!

I thought your DH was lovely to go the extra mile, but of course, there's always an element of 'otherings' isn't there? Which add to your view of the situation but not mine (because I don't know them!)

Sending you love ❤️

You probably were more sharp than you needed to be but again it isn’t the crime of the century.
I’d still like to know whether he understands that him changing his mind, and getting the bag, meant that you would have got home to find the bag missing. You could have been searching the house thinking it must have been in another room.
This is totally the kind of thing my dh does and it can be incredibly annoying. I say I’ll take a watch to be mended tomorrow because he says he can’t do it, then I turn the house upside down looking for the watch and can’t find it, and at the end of the day he says “yeah I took it this morning” and looks at me like I should have known. It isn’t something to be grateful for. It would be fine if they said “I can do it after all”.