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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ExDH new GF posting photos of children

182 replies

Pixie378 · 02/07/2024 09:05

AIBU to ask my ex to ask his GF to removed the photos of our children from Facebook?.
Her profile is public and I do not know her or anyone she knows.
I have not given permission for the photos to be put on her social media and feel that this is disrespectful.
I have asked nicely.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pixie378 · 06/07/2024 08:07

He has not egged her on at all, she is a reasonable girl and if I asked her direct she would take them down.

I know if it was the other way round I would receive non stop harassment from my ex to take them down, I've been nothing but polite to him.

I don't want to unblock her as she is constantly messaging me for validation of her relationship with him and reassurance because he is a natural liar and as far as I am concerned she made her bed she can flipping well deal with her own insecurities.

I have not been in love with him for a long time and the only thing that upset me when he was left is how I was to manage on my own financially and with 3 young kids. But I have found I am stronger without him and ok with the co parent thing as long as it's good for our kids - he has never been the best dad although he's doing a good impression for the rest of the world right now

OP posts:

Cliedi · 06/07/2024 07:57

You’ve let an ex who will do anything to upset you know that something has upset you? Of course he’s just going to egg her on to do it now. Honestly I wouldn’t choose this hill to die on, just let it be.

However if you are desperate to get them removed you’ll have to unblock her and report the offending photos to Facebook, confirming that you are the child’s parent and you haven’t given permission. Prepare for some comeback though.

socks1107 · 06/07/2024 07:56

Yanbu I have never posted a photo of my sd, she isn't my daughter and neither of her parents have social media so I assume they don't want her picture on there

Rooroobear · 06/07/2024 07:55

I did the same with my exh new girlfriend who posted my kids as her profile photo after 3 months of them being together! I wasn’t polite and I don’t give a shit that I wasn’t. They are my kids, they don’t belong on a new gfs Facebook page after such a little amount of time

JarOfParts · 06/07/2024 07:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

This is a really concerning attitude.

No one should be positing photos of other people’s kids without permission. No one.

Really no one should be posting photos of anyone else without permission, but that’s the unfortunate society we live in today. But kids are not fair game. No.

magnoliablooms · 06/07/2024 07:45

beetr00 · 05/07/2024 19:35

You are not unreasonable to be concerned @Pixie378

Deutsche Telekom AI manipulation

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/feb/26/son-social-media-parents-children

Ah this one.

magnoliablooms · 06/07/2024 07:44

Send him that video of the girl who begs her parents to keep her Internet profile down. I've forgotten the link but its harrowing. There's all sorts of creeps online

MrsAllYours · 06/07/2024 07:30

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

MrsAllYours · 06/07/2024 07:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

MrsAllYours · 06/07/2024 07:23

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

MysteryofNils · 06/07/2024 07:17

I think that's a bit odd. I wouldn't post pictures of dp's kids anywhere and he wouldn't post pictures of mine.

If we happen to take a nice picture of them, I have sent to their mum before but I wouldn't put it anywhere public!

If this woman doesn't have kids, maybe she's just not thinking like a parent would do

Feelsodrained · 06/07/2024 06:35

tuvamoodyson · 06/07/2024 06:07

Maybe the other parent has given permission.

Show quote history

Yes he clearly has but he doesn’t even need to. I could take pictures of your kids in the park and put them all over my social media and you wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. You don’t own their image.

tuvamoodyson · 06/07/2024 06:07

LostTheMarble · 05/07/2024 18:46

MN is amazing at times. Schools require permission from all parents to share pictures, but a woman who may have god knows who on her own friends list is absolutely fine to share pictures of kids that aren’t her own all over social media without any vetting or opinion from their parent? It’s not like treating them to an ice cream and mum’s not happy about it - there are valid concerns here.

Maybe the other parent has given permission.

Feelsodrained · 06/07/2024 05:40

EnglishBluebell · 05/07/2024 23:54

Of course it's 'to do with' op they're her children who are being put at risk ffs!

Show quote history

They’re not being placed at risk by appearing in a photo posted on someone’s facebook unless there’s a stalker after them or something. And yes it’s to do with her but there’s no route to stopping this and family court genuinely would not be interested.

Feelsodrained · 06/07/2024 05:38

I understand that you’re annoyed but there is literally nothing you can do. Nothing at all. No legal route, as there is no law stating that a private individual (not a school) needs permission to post a picture of someone. You will just be delighting your ex by getting wound up about this. Ignore it and move on. Given the number of people who post pics of kids on the internet, yours won’t be placed at any risk from this so be the bigger person here.

Bluebirdover · 06/07/2024 02:36

I hear you, but not sure you can stop it? Don't react, it's what he wants.

EnglishBluebell · 05/07/2024 23:59

OP I had this exact same issue (even the arsehole ex) so I reported them to Facebook and they were removed. After a few occurrences, Facebook suspended their account temporarily.

EnglishBluebell · 05/07/2024 23:54

Arewealljustloosingtheplot · 02/07/2024 10:23

If their dad is happy with it then it’s not really anything to do with you I’m afraid .

Of course it's 'to do with' op they're her children who are being put at risk ffs!

EnglishBluebell · 05/07/2024 23:53

MiddleagedBeachbum · 02/07/2024 09:10

Depends on if you post pics of your children on social media?
TBH if their father doesn’t have an issue with it there’s not a lot you can do.

Pardon?! OP is the child's mother whereas this woman is not!

PopandFizz · 05/07/2024 23:53

Aw OP I completely feel your pain, this would be my worse nightmare. The world is an awful place. We've said only we can post pics (and we only post a couple a year) because our profiles are very private and we have been through friends list and deleted people we don't know and have settings for photos that only show them to close friends and family because both our mums have every Tom and Harry they've ever met or spoken to on their friends list!

I think the relationship you have with the GF and xDH isn't helping. Such as having her blocked, you're just automatically creating that negative relationship when you want to try and co-parent.
I would approach her via message and say 'hey, it's great to hear from the kids thst you're all making memories together, I'm sure xDH has explained I can be funny about what we post online. I wondered if you'd consider changing the privacy settings on photos of the kids to just be friends and friends of tagged, just so only people we trust can access the photos? It's just for the kids safety.' Or similar.

You can't stop them, you can try and make it work.

Original poster

Pixie378 · 05/07/2024 23:38

I post pictures in private albums that only family members can see. I have family overseas and we all share photos of our families.
The albums are closed off to friends and only for family.
My profile is private and no photos of my children are on my walls for others to see

OP posts:

TinkerTiger · 05/07/2024 23:34

MiddleagedBeachbum · 02/07/2024 09:10

Depends on if you post pics of your children on social media?
TBH if their father doesn’t have an issue with it there’s not a lot you can do.

OP you didn't answer this question

Roboticleg · 05/07/2024 23:11

Gosh a lot of meanness here. If i was helping raising a kid as i was looking after them feeding them ect as dating their real parent i would also be loving that child including enjoying time and taking pictures.

the crap factor here is the public profile. Should be between friends and family only.

unfortunately both parents don’t get on so unless she takes him to court and wins not a lot she could do, same would apply if dad didnt like something mum did.

OpalHedgehog · 05/07/2024 22:45

I can’t understand why she would want to be share photos of children that aren’t hers. All for likes no doubt - what a sad world!

Isthisasgoodasitis · 05/07/2024 22:34

Ereyraa · 02/07/2024 11:53

How did you come across it, are you friends online?

The profile the children are on is public anyone can see them

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