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Original poster

Giving house to step-daughter?

383 replies

IsMadl · 02/07/2024 00:15

Hi all, I have one step-daughter, no biological children (could never have any). My step-daughter is 27, she got married last summer, and is expecting her first baby. Her dad and I got together when she was 10 (her mum passed away when she was 7), we married when she was 16 and have been together happily since.

Before her dad and I married I had a 3 bed semi, we live in the North but it recently got valued at £300,000. We have been renting it out since I moved in here 12 years ago. The money has funded mostly my pension and odds and ends here. I'm a primary teacher though so have a good pension as it is.

SD and her husband have been saving really hard for a house, they earn well, she in the civil service and he in finance, but they work in London and obviously it is expensive. She had about £150,000 from her mum (-uni costs, wedding costs etc.) and they are saving.
Currently the house I had is to be split between my niece and nephew when I die, the house I live in now will go to step-daughter when both dad and I pass.

To me my step-daughter is my own, I was never able to have children of my own and I think she is incredible, so smart, beautiful, funny and caring. I hate seeing her struggle to build the deposit for a nice house, in a nice area with a garden which is all she really wants. I've been thinking maybe it is time I sell the house and give her the profit, obviously it would up there deposit massively. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think she and her DH had earned it but they are lovely, kind, hardworking people.

I told my husband and he said that it would be a lovely thing to do but no pressure as it is mine. My mum and dad think it would be a horrendous idea.

AIBU to consider this?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
genandtonic · 05/07/2024 17:15

just being cautious here, but agree with other posters - if you divorce, DH or you become long term ill, something happens.. a nice care home is A Lot. my MIL has had to spend an awful lot on stair lifts, home help etc etc etc. her life would be unbearable without spare cash. Just saying.

ELMhouse · 05/07/2024 17:12

IsMadl · 03/07/2024 13:16

I was checking it wasn't an awful idea, most have said it isn't. The plans have changed slightly as I learnt more about their situation but I was processing my thoughts and getting opinions.

Show quote history

You sound amazing! I hope you love becoming a grandma as you certainly have so much love to give.

i am with you all the way! If I could give my children such fortunes to help them on their way and make their life easier I would (they are still young), Their happiness will always be my first priority.

if I wasn’t a 40 year old women I would ask you to adopt me 😍

Blackthorne · 05/07/2024 17:11

Might you not need this money yourself for care bills when you’re older? My DM ran through £150k in two years. Do you have private means and other money?

£300k is a huge sum of money to give away. I’d give £100k and no more. This is still extremely generous.

Original poster
IsMadl · 05/07/2024 17:10

Bushmillsbabe · 05/07/2024 17:09

In the event that your husband dies before you do, does the house you share go to you, or SD. If it goes to SD, you need to keep your house so you have somewhere to live. If it goes to you, and then SD when you both have passed, then I think it's a lovely idea for you to give money from your home to your SD

It goes to me, only goes to SD once we have both passed, so no worries.

OP posts:
Bushmillsbabe · 05/07/2024 17:09

In the event that your husband dies before you do, does the house you share go to you, or SD. If it goes to SD, you need to keep your house so you have somewhere to live. If it goes to you, and then SD when you both have passed, then I think it's a lovely idea for you to give money from your home to your SD

Devon23 · 05/07/2024 17:06

You have bought her up from a young child and sounds like you have a good relationship which is fab. If you have your future sorted and it's something you want to do don't let others influence you. Money can bring the evil out in people, but its your money and you earned it so its your choice. She's lucky to have such a fab step mum.

adultkidsquestion · 05/07/2024 17:03

London house prices are INSANE. Those 2 properties would be about £300k where I live, and where I live is lovely. And I say that as someone who has lived in London in the past.

Allie47 · 05/07/2024 17:01

This sounds like a lovely thing to do 💐

Londonrach1 · 05/07/2024 17:00

Sounds like your step daughter has been your daughter and you respect and love her. What amazing gift. Your choice but love it going to her. Yanbu and a kind lady.

paintbynumbers34 · 05/07/2024 16:55

I just came here to say that you're lovely and your SD is very fortunate that her dad married such a lovely person who treated her so well.

Good luck on the birth of your grandchild 😊

Julimia · 05/07/2024 16:51

How lovely and how sensible. Do it if thats what you want to do. Just go with your gut feeling. You may find when she knows she may come up with ideas of her own like sharing it with your niece and nephew, or other ways. You have obvioudly worked hard with this relationship to have such wonderful results.

Lavenderflower · 05/07/2024 16:50

OP, I think it is is a kind thing to do. I would do this for my child. I think I would probably split the money 3 ways between daughter, neice and nephew. I would also consider ensuring you have enough money for you old age.

Charlize43 · 05/07/2024 16:49

Obviously the thing to do to avoid all arguments between family members is to gift it to me.

I am also incredible, smart, beautiful, funny and caring. I promise I'll take good care of it.

Kinshipug · 05/07/2024 16:45

It's a lovely thing to do, but imo she's got plenty. Remember to enjoy your own life! You've hopefully got a long retirement ahead of you.

CoastalCalm · 05/07/2024 16:35

Personally I’d sell the house and split the equity three ways

Overthiscrap · 05/07/2024 16:30

LlamaTwirl · 02/07/2024 00:53

I think I would give the majority to my SD but give a token small amount to both niece and nephew (unless they are terrible people). I would also (if I had the means and opportunity) do this for them all whilst they are young enough to really appreciate the help rather than them be at retirement age themselves (hopefully they won't need a helping hand by that time in their lives) ..

I like this idea. Sell and split the profit 3 ways so there isn't any hard feeling from your own family.
You could either give it all to them now or put your niece and nephews away till you know they need it.

ColinMyWifeBridgerton · 05/07/2024 16:30

Aw how lovely. I would OP if this was my step daughter. How beautiful that after her losing her mum so young and you not having biological children when you wanted to, you've found each other. She sounds like a blessing and I think you're right to use your money to help her if this would make you happy too.

Isthisasgoodasitis · 05/07/2024 16:17

IsMadl · 02/07/2024 00:21

They don't think it is fair a non blood relative will get my house, they have never really taken to stepdaughter, didn't go to her wedding etc.
Niece and nephew have no idea it is currently going to them, nor do their parents. Only my husband and parents know the current plan.

Show quote history

I think you are doing an amazing thing that at the end of the day is yours no one else’s so what you do with it is entirely your call if as is your naughtier blood has nothing to do with it good luck

tennesseewhiskey1 · 03/07/2024 15:24

You are very kind - your parents - not so much.

perfumasour · 03/07/2024 15:20

IsMadl · 03/07/2024 13:14

@Bananabreadandstrawberries

  1. Not hypothetical grandchildren, she is pregnant and due next month so unless you're being cruelly pessimistic I'd say you can't read very well as I have mentioned she is pregnant
  2. Yes they will be my grandbaby, stepdaughter and I have a fantastic relationship, she's asked us what we want to be known as and has said that they will know me as much as a grandparent as they will there dad
  3. We are going to pay for childcare as we are incredibly Fortunate, our take home pay isn't that far off from there's but we have the benefit of owning a house with no mortgage. We are in a position to help her why wouldn't we
  4. I will babysit because A. It's helpful B. I never got to have children of my own I'm looking forward to having a week or 2 with my grand-baby in the summer holidays doing all the things I never got to do
  5. My niece and nephew already own, neither of them have London centric jobs and are older than my stepdaughter, also they have a mum and dad, I'm the closest thing to a mum my stepdaughter has and she has told me this
  6. They may not "need" a garden and a big house but are you seriously telling me if you could afford to give your child/grandchildren that you wouldn't?

@Bananabreadandstrawberries OP has clarified throughout the thread that she's never been very financially savvy or good at forward planning. It's her own risk to take really. And the consequences hers to accept.

FWIW I'm also an only child and I can see my parents doing this - but I wouldn't accept it. They did offer me money for house, car wedding I only accepted a few thousand for the latter.

Even though they'd never expect anything back. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if they needed expensive care or medical treatment, but the money was all tied up in my property. In 20 years who knows whether the NHS will even exist. Although my parents don't have anywhere near the amount of assets that the OP has.

Of course if I was able to I'd pay/provide care myself but divorce, illness etc all these things are a possibility.

Original poster
IsMadl · 03/07/2024 13:16

Meraas · 03/07/2024 13:15

Sounds like you have it all figured out, OP. I'm wondering now what was the point of this thread?

I was checking it wasn't an awful idea, most have said it isn't. The plans have changed slightly as I learnt more about their situation but I was processing my thoughts and getting opinions.

OP posts:
Original poster
IsMadl · 03/07/2024 13:15

@Bananabreadandstrawberries

  1. My own parents and siblings lifestyle isn't relevant, they aren't my children. My stepdaughter is!
OP posts:
Meraas · 03/07/2024 13:15

Sounds like you have it all figured out, OP. I'm wondering now what was the point of this thread?

Original poster
IsMadl · 03/07/2024 13:14

@Bananabreadandstrawberries

  1. Not hypothetical grandchildren, she is pregnant and due next month so unless you're being cruelly pessimistic I'd say you can't read very well as I have mentioned she is pregnant
  2. Yes they will be my grandbaby, stepdaughter and I have a fantastic relationship, she's asked us what we want to be known as and has said that they will know me as much as a grandparent as they will there dad
  3. We are going to pay for childcare as we are incredibly Fortunate, our take home pay isn't that far off from there's but we have the benefit of owning a house with no mortgage. We are in a position to help her why wouldn't we
  4. I will babysit because A. It's helpful B. I never got to have children of my own I'm looking forward to having a week or 2 with my grand-baby in the summer holidays doing all the things I never got to do
  5. My niece and nephew already own, neither of them have London centric jobs and are older than my stepdaughter, also they have a mum and dad, I'm the closest thing to a mum my stepdaughter has and she has told me this
  6. They may not "need" a garden and a big house but are you seriously telling me if you could afford to give your child/grandchildren that you wouldn't?
OP posts:
Bananabreadandstrawberries · 03/07/2024 13:13

IsMadl · 02/07/2024 10:22

Oh dear I'm feeling a little confused now.
Some on this thread seem to think what they already have is plenty for a nice house, others are saying they will get a flat or 3 bed even with our help - which is it?

With 300k in the bank they have enough deposit for a decent property. Not necessarily their dream property. Young people don’t need to be able to buy a house in London with cash - hardly anyone can.

You could give them the entirety of your main asset, but it won’t mean as much to them as to you. They will still need a mortgage.

I wouldn’t give them the whole lot. What about your own parents and siblings, do they live luxurious lives with plenty to spare? How does this look to them?