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Original poster

Giving house to step-daughter?

383 replies

IsMadl · 02/07/2024 00:15

Hi all, I have one step-daughter, no biological children (could never have any). My step-daughter is 27, she got married last summer, and is expecting her first baby. Her dad and I got together when she was 10 (her mum passed away when she was 7), we married when she was 16 and have been together happily since.

Before her dad and I married I had a 3 bed semi, we live in the North but it recently got valued at £300,000. We have been renting it out since I moved in here 12 years ago. The money has funded mostly my pension and odds and ends here. I'm a primary teacher though so have a good pension as it is.

SD and her husband have been saving really hard for a house, they earn well, she in the civil service and he in finance, but they work in London and obviously it is expensive. She had about £150,000 from her mum (-uni costs, wedding costs etc.) and they are saving.
Currently the house I had is to be split between my niece and nephew when I die, the house I live in now will go to step-daughter when both dad and I pass.

To me my step-daughter is my own, I was never able to have children of my own and I think she is incredible, so smart, beautiful, funny and caring. I hate seeing her struggle to build the deposit for a nice house, in a nice area with a garden which is all she really wants. I've been thinking maybe it is time I sell the house and give her the profit, obviously it would up there deposit massively. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think she and her DH had earned it but they are lovely, kind, hardworking people.

I told my husband and he said that it would be a lovely thing to do but no pressure as it is mine. My mum and dad think it would be a horrendous idea.

AIBU to consider this?

OP posts:
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Rachie1973 · 02/07/2024 00:29

IsMadl · 02/07/2024 00:15

Hi all, I have one step-daughter, no biological children (could never have any). My step-daughter is 27, she got married last summer, and is expecting her first baby. Her dad and I got together when she was 10 (her mum passed away when she was 7), we married when she was 16 and have been together happily since.

Before her dad and I married I had a 3 bed semi, we live in the North but it recently got valued at £300,000. We have been renting it out since I moved in here 12 years ago. The money has funded mostly my pension and odds and ends here. I'm a primary teacher though so have a good pension as it is.

SD and her husband have been saving really hard for a house, they earn well, she in the civil service and he in finance, but they work in London and obviously it is expensive. She had about £150,000 from her mum (-uni costs, wedding costs etc.) and they are saving.
Currently the house I had is to be split between my niece and nephew when I die, the house I live in now will go to step-daughter when both dad and I pass.

To me my step-daughter is my own, I was never able to have children of my own and I think she is incredible, so smart, beautiful, funny and caring. I hate seeing her struggle to build the deposit for a nice house, in a nice area with a garden which is all she really wants. I've been thinking maybe it is time I sell the house and give her the profit, obviously it would up there deposit massively. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think she and her DH had earned it but they are lovely, kind, hardworking people.

I told my husband and he said that it would be a lovely thing to do but no pressure as it is mine. My mum and dad think it would be a horrendous idea.

AIBU to consider this?

I think if your retirement is planned and it’s 100% your idea then I think it’s a lovely idea.

If you still wan to leave your niece and nephew something in the future then perhaps they can have a small bequest from your existing home, if you felt you’d want to.

Lilacapples · 02/07/2024 00:24

IsMadl · 02/07/2024 00:21

They don't think it is fair a non blood relative will get my house, they have never really taken to stepdaughter, didn't go to her wedding etc.
Niece and nephew have no idea it is currently going to them, nor do their parents. Only my husband and parents know the current plan.

Show quote history

In that case if your niece and nephew don’t kind then absolutely help your step daughter out now. It’s nothing to do with your parents.

Original poster
IsMadl · 02/07/2024 00:22

ObliviousCoalmine · 02/07/2024 00:21

I would do this in, but I would do what I could to protect that sum for your step daughter if they were to divorce.

If, worst case scenario you and your husband divorced, what would you be left with? That's the only niggling concern.

Half of the house we currently live in (valued around 600k, much bigger house), I am on the deeds etc.

OP posts:
Normalnot · 02/07/2024 00:21

You sound lovely. She’s been in your life 20 years and you love her dad. She’s lost her mum as a child which was tragic. You all get on really well and it would be a lovely thing to do.

I don’t know why your parents would be horrified - they sound ignorant.

The blood relative argument is a bit silly under these circumstances. You’re not a blood relative to your DH but I’m sure he’s more important to you than anyone else. It’s who you’re closest to I guess as well.

ObliviousCoalmine · 02/07/2024 00:21

I would do this in, but I would do what I could to protect that sum for your step daughter if they were to divorce.

If, worst case scenario you and your husband divorced, what would you be left with? That's the only niggling concern.

Original poster
IsMadl · 02/07/2024 00:21

Lilacapples · 02/07/2024 00:18

Why are your parents against it? Have you already promised it to your niece and nephew?

They don't think it is fair a non blood relative will get my house, they have never really taken to stepdaughter, didn't go to her wedding etc.
Niece and nephew have no idea it is currently going to them, nor do their parents. Only my husband and parents know the current plan.

OP posts:
Lilacapples · 02/07/2024 00:18

Why are your parents against it? Have you already promised it to your niece and nephew?

rubyroola · 02/07/2024 00:17

How lovely to see a positive step child story.