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Original poster

Giving house to step-daughter?

383 replies

IsMadl · 02/07/2024 00:15

Hi all, I have one step-daughter, no biological children (could never have any). My step-daughter is 27, she got married last summer, and is expecting her first baby. Her dad and I got together when she was 10 (her mum passed away when she was 7), we married when she was 16 and have been together happily since.

Before her dad and I married I had a 3 bed semi, we live in the North but it recently got valued at £300,000. We have been renting it out since I moved in here 12 years ago. The money has funded mostly my pension and odds and ends here. I'm a primary teacher though so have a good pension as it is.

SD and her husband have been saving really hard for a house, they earn well, she in the civil service and he in finance, but they work in London and obviously it is expensive. She had about £150,000 from her mum (-uni costs, wedding costs etc.) and they are saving.
Currently the house I had is to be split between my niece and nephew when I die, the house I live in now will go to step-daughter when both dad and I pass.

To me my step-daughter is my own, I was never able to have children of my own and I think she is incredible, so smart, beautiful, funny and caring. I hate seeing her struggle to build the deposit for a nice house, in a nice area with a garden which is all she really wants. I've been thinking maybe it is time I sell the house and give her the profit, obviously it would up there deposit massively. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think she and her DH had earned it but they are lovely, kind, hardworking people.

I told my husband and he said that it would be a lovely thing to do but no pressure as it is mine. My mum and dad think it would be a horrendous idea.

AIBU to consider this?

OP posts:
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MoreThanThis78 · 02/07/2024 08:02

Wouldn’t it be normal for your DH to inherit from each other and then passed on to SD anyway?

I actually think SD will be absolutely fine without this money - good job and partner in finance! It’s a choice to live in London (and a privilege now). We helped young relatives starting out there, and it turned out they were earning a lot more than us and now are far and away better off than us.

I would think about the niece and nephew’s situation - would they benefit more from this? What financial position are they and their parents in?

Another2Cats · 02/07/2024 08:01

In general, I agree with the PPs who say this is a good idea but leave it to her in your will just in case you have need of that money yourself in later life.

I don't understand why others are saying that the nephews and nieces (niblings? - is that a word?) must be included, purely to "be kind". It's your money and you should do what makes you happiest with it.

"The money has funded mostly my pension and odds and ends here."

And this is precisely why you need to keep the house for now. To carry on funding your pension and the extra odds and ends that make life nice.

Also, once you do retire you'll be on a lot lower income and that extra money will definitely come in useful at that stage.

With regard to your SD and her husband, they already have a deposit of at least £150k (is that correct?). I have no idea how much they earn but the average salary in London is around £45k per year, so let's say that they both earn that amount.

Between that deposit and the mortgage they could likely get in that situation, then they could be looking at affording a place that was worth up to £550k.

There are no end of nice 2 (or even 3) bed flats in different parts of London that you can buy for that sort of money.

If you go a bit further out, maybe places like Hendon/Colindale or Walthamstow or Twickenham then you can even get 2 or 3 bed terraced houses for that sort of money (sometimes even semi-detached as well).

I would guess that they are saving up for something a bit better than that. Great, everyone should make their own decision on what home they want to buy. But, if they are currently in a position to buy a nice 2 or even 3 bed place in London then I would suggest that they don't really need more money at the moment.

So, I would say, keep the house and change your will leaving it to your SD.

CovertPiggery · 02/07/2024 08:00

This is a good calculator for how much pension income you might need: https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/pensions-and-retirement/pensions-basics/pension-calculator

It still doesn't account for what happens if you or your husband become unwell and unable to work or other things that might go wrong, but you should plumb in the figures and see what it says.

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/07/2024 07:50

ObliviousCoalmine · 02/07/2024 00:21

I would do this in, but I would do what I could to protect that sum for your step daughter if they were to divorce.

If, worst case scenario you and your husband divorced, what would you be left with? That's the only niggling concern.

I agree, great idea but needs a little more though. I'd say the same if she wasn't your step daughter.

Longdueachange · 02/07/2024 07:48

She's more of a daughter to you than a step daughter. If I had a "spare" home I would give it to my children, absolutely. You are financially stable yourself and all we really want apart from that is financially stability for our children.

Livinghappy · 02/07/2024 07:43

How old are you and your DH?

I'm not sure giving away 50% of your assets is a great idea but it does depend on your age. Whilst you say you have a teacher pension could you live on it if something happened to your DH?

If you want to sell it consider staged payments, £100k now would be a fantastic cash injection even for London.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 02/07/2024 07:43

If you’re sure you won’t need it - is your pension really big enough? What if you and DH split up?

Then I would sell the property now, give £100k to your step daughter and £50k each to your niece and nephew. Keep a £50k emergency fund. That way you also avoid inheritance tax hopefully.

YankTank · 02/07/2024 07:42

I don’t think she’s a step daughter, really. It sounds like you’ve adopted her without all of the official paperwork. If you had legally adopted her, or any other children, would your parents take issue with giving them inheritance because they’re not blood relatives? I’m assuming when SD talks to people about you and DH, she calls you “my parents”? I’m assuming you were the Mother of the Bride at her wedding? I’m assuming you’ll be grandmother to her child? It’s not your parents’ decision. To be honest, I’m not sure why you told them about it and/or asked their opinion in the first place.

PortiasBiscuit · 02/07/2024 07:42

It is literally none of your parents’ business what you do with your stuff and you need to tell them so.

FigTreeInEurope · 02/07/2024 07:35

My stepdad left me his house. It was the icing on the cake, of a man who was the best dad anyone could have asked for. I will be grateful for the rest of my life.

Springwatch123 · 02/07/2024 07:34

Unless the house is a stately home, and been in the family for generations, the the blood line reason is nonsense.

Could you put some money aside for niece and nephew?

I agree, some future proofing for you would be good.

Buntycat · 02/07/2024 07:31

IsMadl · 02/07/2024 00:21

They don't think it is fair a non blood relative will get my house, they have never really taken to stepdaughter, didn't go to her wedding etc.
Niece and nephew have no idea it is currently going to them, nor do their parents. Only my husband and parents know the current plan.

Show quote history

Niece and nephew have their own parents. They have no reason to expect anything from you.

Unless your parents helped you buy your house, what you do with it is nothing to do with them. Helping your stepdaughter would be lovely.

lateatwork · 02/07/2024 07:31

Maybe your parents are not happy to leave to SD if you received your deposit from them or they (or grandparents etc) contributed to your house? So they may be miffed because they want the money to stay with blood relatives?

A possible explanation?

Doesn't change anything re you wanted to give to SD, but may explain their reaction?

QuackQuackComeBack · 02/07/2024 07:23

That is such a lovely thing to do but maybe just bear in mind that if she ever gets divorced then her DH could be entitled to up to half unless it’s ringfenced. You will have to get legal advice and I strongly advise you do. Any relationship can go wrong nowadays.

Guavafish1 · 02/07/2024 07:21

up to you

but consider split it between SD and neice nephew

SamPoodle123 · 02/07/2024 07:21

I would not do this. You never know what could happen to your situation. I would add her to the will so she gets 1/3 of the house split with your niece and nephew. But if you are not close with them, then I would leave the whole thing to your step dd. But def not when you are still living and never know what could happen.

MaggieFS · 02/07/2024 07:18

How close are you to your niece and nephew?

I think it would be a lovely thing to do and I have no time for "blood relative" nonsense unless you are landed gentry and it's been a family home for generations!

But your SD will inherit significantly from the home you live in. If you're deciding on the basis of need, how do niece and nephew compare? I doubt a niece or nephew would ever expect to inherit. Could you sell and give some to each though if you felt that way?

Ultimately, it's your money and giving it to your SD seems very fitting.

CovertPiggery · 02/07/2024 07:18

BabyFedUp445 · 02/07/2024 01:21

Are you saying you want to give her this now rather than in your will? Sorry but that's a bad idea. I don't think pensioners have a very bright future, care costs are huge and that house could make an enormous difference for you. As a teacher, you have a good pension but by no means excellent or keeping up with inflation. She already has 150k, her partner works in finance. Give her a cash gift but to give the majority of what you make from.selling that house now is bonkers.

This.

Unless you already have substantial savings, it would be madness to give away a source of income and asset. You never know what the future holds.

What if, god forbid, you or your husband become ill and unable to work or cost of living spirals again.

NC10125 · 02/07/2024 07:15

wordler · 02/07/2024 01:34

I would split it three ways - say you get 300,000 total.

I'd keep 50,000 in a high interest savings account for yourself - a little bit of future proofing.

Give your niece and nephew 25,000 each - you didn't say what age they are but either given directly or put in a savings account for when they become adults.

That's a very nice chunk of money to get from an aunt. And giving it them now means you have the pleasure of helping them earlier in their lives.

Give your step-daughter $200,000 towards her deposit - that's a very nice lump sum and will help a lot. It's a very lovely thing to do. But as a PP said - try to see if there's a way to ring fence it for her own benefit in case something happens to her DH.

I would do this as well - that way all three get some benefit.

FawnFrenchieMum · 02/07/2024 07:13

Shelby2010 · 02/07/2024 00:50

Perhaps a compromise would be to give SD £200,000 from the sale of the house. Invest the other £100,000 as a back up should you need it, but if you don’t use it, it goes to your niece & nephew.

This was what I was going to suggest.

VoteHappy · 02/07/2024 07:10

AnOpinionInTheHand · 02/07/2024 06:27

I think it would be quite a foolish thing to do. SD and her DH don’t exactly sound like they’re struggling - she’s already had a large lump sum to set herself up in life, albeit in sad circumstances. If they can’t afford to buy a house in London then they’ll just have to buy outside and commute in. There are loads of options available to them.

while this would make you appear generous and prove to your SD that you love her - that doesn’t seem a good reason to deprive yourself of a valuable asset that you will probably need in the future.

Absolutely this!
You would be insane to do this at your stage of life.
Presumably you are under retirement age?
You have years ahead of you with rising CoL
You could be handing over half your assets and she divorces the DH or you divorce
Don't do it!

DSD has had 150K already, hardly struggling
This forum always says hand over the cash as that's what they would like to happen to them, very foolish idea.

Needanewname42 · 02/07/2024 07:09

ARichtGoodDram · 02/07/2024 06:54

It’s quite interesting how many people clearly sort-of agree with the parents with the suggestion that the house be split between the three.

Nobody would suggest that if the OP had adopted her SD. Yet her saying “To me my step-daughter is my own” clearly isn’t enough for some.

I thought that too. Its a bit weird.
The neice / nephew will inherit from their own parents.

Another thought about the Ops parents if Op changes her Will are they likely to change theirs to keep their money "in the family".
Are they thinking if they split their money between their two kids, the two DGC will get all of it in time?

Op do what feels right to you and say nothing absolutely zilch, nothing.

But be mindful if you want a retirement your likely to have to self-fund it. The days of people retiring at 65 and living a happy life to 75 - 80 are over

anon20 · 02/07/2024 07:08

Could you give your SD the rent that you get from your house, after expenses, then either leave the house to her or split 3 ways? Either that or sell and gift part of the proceeds to your niece and nephew now? They won't know how much equity you have so you could give a larger amount to you SD.

Thisismetooaswell · 02/07/2024 07:07

Could you sell (if that's what you want to do) and give half to SD and half to N&N? That way you're still helping SD massively but also helping N&N

BuggeryBumFlaps · 02/07/2024 07:00

A few things have happened to me recently and the phrases 'you can't take it with you' is so so true but you never really understand that properly until it's too late.

I think as long as your long term future is solid and you will have enough for a good retirement then why not. It's a lovely thing to do, but ultimately if you don't need the income or capital then I'm sure she'd appreciate it.