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Original poster

Giving house to step-daughter?

383 replies

IsMadl · 02/07/2024 00:15

Hi all, I have one step-daughter, no biological children (could never have any). My step-daughter is 27, she got married last summer, and is expecting her first baby. Her dad and I got together when she was 10 (her mum passed away when she was 7), we married when she was 16 and have been together happily since.

Before her dad and I married I had a 3 bed semi, we live in the North but it recently got valued at £300,000. We have been renting it out since I moved in here 12 years ago. The money has funded mostly my pension and odds and ends here. I'm a primary teacher though so have a good pension as it is.

SD and her husband have been saving really hard for a house, they earn well, she in the civil service and he in finance, but they work in London and obviously it is expensive. She had about £150,000 from her mum (-uni costs, wedding costs etc.) and they are saving.
Currently the house I had is to be split between my niece and nephew when I die, the house I live in now will go to step-daughter when both dad and I pass.

To me my step-daughter is my own, I was never able to have children of my own and I think she is incredible, so smart, beautiful, funny and caring. I hate seeing her struggle to build the deposit for a nice house, in a nice area with a garden which is all she really wants. I've been thinking maybe it is time I sell the house and give her the profit, obviously it would up there deposit massively. I wouldn't do it if I didn't think she and her DH had earned it but they are lovely, kind, hardworking people.

I told my husband and he said that it would be a lovely thing to do but no pressure as it is mine. My mum and dad think it would be a horrendous idea.

AIBU to consider this?

OP posts:
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5
Bollindger · 02/07/2024 09:48

What you could do is put the house in trust to grandbaby, and get your SD to pay all bills and a small rent.
This way you still have some income.
Your parents only need to know she us renting off you. And god forbid but should SD ever divorce only the baby gets the house.

Mirabai · 02/07/2024 09:48

She isn't asking for a bloody mansion, a 4 bed terrace, in catchment for a nice school and with a garden, it isn't a massive list

In my area that’s £2 million plus.

Nobody starts on that at 27 on London unless they have serious inherited money. Which she doesn’t and you don’t.

RB68 · 02/07/2024 09:47

I would sell the house and give a portion to N&N say 10k each (am assuming younger here) maybe put it in a pension pot for them so it is earning hard for them and will give them ease when they are older or just ISAs and for housing later 10k will grow nicely. Then give the rest to SD &H

perfumasour · 02/07/2024 09:47

IsMadl · 02/07/2024 09:40

I hate the way entitled and privileged is thrown around.
I will say with 100% certainty SD is not entitled, she is bloody hard working, hasn't asked for this and is quite happy to keep saving and stay in their 3 bed rental for the foreseeable. She isn't asking for a bloody mansion, a 4 bed terrace, in catchment for a nice school and with a garden, it isn't a massive list. While I agree they are well earning (Around 150k joint), I can see first hand that doesn't stretch the way it does up here in London. Her age isn't relevant, nor your business but they are having children now as she has a health condition which can impact fertility and don't want to risk it, I've encouraged this considering my own past.
Privileged is subjective, I don't think she is, you may think she is, it doesn't matter. She isn't greedy, lazy etc.
We had it so much easier than they do, buying was easier etc. This is for her and my grandbaby and I do think they deserve it.

Show quote history

That's a massive list for London , and it's not just 'a garden' .... You specified a nice big garden, and a trampoline (although this last bit came from you).

In any case, it's nobody's business but yours what you give to whom. The same as it's not your business what anybody else chooses to think and how they treat you as a result. That's the upshot of it.

Original poster
IsMadl · 02/07/2024 09:46

ScribblingPixie · 02/07/2024 09:44

She isn't asking for a bloody mansion, a 4 bed terrace, in catchment for a nice school and with a garden

My goodness, OP, that's a tall order in London. No one gets that when young unless they're hugely wealthy and privileged. Don't be swayed by comparing London with where you live and think she's in a bad situation.

I was under the impression that for around 1 - 1.2mil they would be able to get that, no?

OP posts:
ScribblingPixie · 02/07/2024 09:44

She isn't asking for a bloody mansion, a 4 bed terrace, in catchment for a nice school and with a garden

My goodness, OP, that's a tall order in London. No one gets that when young unless they're hugely wealthy and privileged. Don't be swayed by comparing London with where you live and think she's in a bad situation.

Original poster
IsMadl · 02/07/2024 09:42

BestZebbie · 02/07/2024 09:36

Did your parents help you buy the house in the first place, ooi?

I'm wondering if they gave you a deposit that explains both why you want to give your stepchild one AND why they are horrified and feel as if you are giving away/spending something you were just holding in trust for blood family use (yourself, but reverting to other blood family if you don't need it).

No i bought the house with my first husband who passed, the deposit we saved together.

OP posts:
Original poster
IsMadl · 02/07/2024 09:40

perfumasour · 02/07/2024 09:31

OP, it's your money, you can give it to whoever you want. And your SD as your daughter has more 'right' to the money IMO.

However, she's incredibly privileged and sorry sounds very entitled. Living in London, with a high earning partner. Wanting a big house with a garden. And you want them to live on a 'nice street'. With a trampoline (that's not a necessity..its London...plenty of better things to do and quite frankly annoying to the neighbours). All at the age of 27. That's what 5 years out of university?
I don't want to be the bringer of bad news but unless they're happy to have a very long commute , the sort of house they want will probably cost upwards of a million.

YANBU to do what you want definitely , you don't need anybody's permission but just pointing out how it looks.

Your parents will probably disinherit you and rightly so. As much as you have the right to do what you want so do they, and you have plenty anyway.

Edited

I hate the way entitled and privileged is thrown around.
I will say with 100% certainty SD is not entitled, she is bloody hard working, hasn't asked for this and is quite happy to keep saving and stay in their 3 bed rental for the foreseeable. She isn't asking for a bloody mansion, a 4 bed terrace, in catchment for a nice school and with a garden, it isn't a massive list. While I agree they are well earning (Around 150k joint), I can see first hand that doesn't stretch the way it does up here in London. Her age isn't relevant, nor your business but they are having children now as she has a health condition which can impact fertility and don't want to risk it, I've encouraged this considering my own past.
Privileged is subjective, I don't think she is, you may think she is, it doesn't matter. She isn't greedy, lazy etc.
We had it so much easier than they do, buying was easier etc. This is for her and my grandbaby and I do think they deserve it.

OP posts:
ScribblingPixie · 02/07/2024 09:39

Is it £100,000 you're allowed to give to someone tax-free in a year? I'd give her an amount up to that for the deposit, and hang on to the rest for the time being as emergency money, eg medical emergency or care when you're older.

CrotchetyQuaver · 02/07/2024 09:36

I think you should do whatever you think is best but ensure that any money you give her is legally protected so it remains hers if they were ever to get divorced.

BestZebbie · 02/07/2024 09:36

Did your parents help you buy the house in the first place, ooi?

I'm wondering if they gave you a deposit that explains both why you want to give your stepchild one AND why they are horrified and feel as if you are giving away/spending something you were just holding in trust for blood family use (yourself, but reverting to other blood family if you don't need it).

SoTiredNeedHoliday · 02/07/2024 09:34

@IsMadl I think is a perfectly normal thing to do, shes effectively your daughter, she has no other mother now and you have no children.

What I would say is you need to seek legal advice or at least have it heavily documented that whatever you provide is for SD. That the cash is adding to SD'd deposit for the house.

As sometimes marriages/partnerships fail and you want to ensure that her partner can't claim that the funds were a gift to both Sd and him for the deposit.

You are adding to her part of the deposit, so should it fail that is taken into account in the split of things

It's none of your parents business and why should your niece and nephew benefit and the girl you have spent important (parent-like) time with for the last 17 years should not benefit?

Mirabai · 02/07/2024 09:33

in London that's big asking for 800/900k

It doesn’t really exist. She’d need 1-2 million+ for that.

Cantileveredy · 02/07/2024 09:32

I expect your parengs will perhaps leave their money to their GC, especially now tjey see any given to you may end up.with SD family.

Im not sure what relatives here will do as one side is likely to be just a SD, though in our situation they are planning another dc.

Mirabai · 02/07/2024 09:32

Why would you hand a large chunk of CGT to the government when you could leave it all to her with good IHT planning? It’s financially naive and clueless frankly.

You must speak to a financial advisor and IHT planning specialist asap.

perfumasour · 02/07/2024 09:31

OP, it's your money, you can give it to whoever you want. And your SD as your daughter has more 'right' to the money IMO.

However, she's incredibly privileged and sorry sounds very entitled. Living in London, with a high earning partner. Wanting a big house with a garden. And you want them to live on a 'nice street'. With a trampoline (that's not a necessity..its London...plenty of better things to do and quite frankly annoying to the neighbours). All at the age of 27. That's what 5 years out of university?
I don't want to be the bringer of bad news but unless they're happy to have a very long commute , the sort of house they want will probably cost upwards of a million.

YANBU to do what you want definitely , you don't need anybody's permission but just pointing out how it looks.

Your parents will probably disinherit you and rightly so. As much as you have the right to do what you want so do they, and you have plenty anyway.

Stravaig · 02/07/2024 09:31

I think it's a lovely idea. You are giving it to the person who is essentially your daughter, which is a totally normal thing to do.

I dislike people who place blood 'family' above all else, ignoring who we are genuinely close to. So I'd discount their self-interested bleating; it sounds as if they've been horrible to DSD and your chosen family over the years.

Do though seek professional advice on whether it makes sense for you financially, and how best to bequeath such a large asset/sum of money.

FrenchandSaunders · 02/07/2024 09:30

I'm curious about the relationship with your parents. Do you live nearby? Did you visit each other very often when DSD was young - I'm thinking family celebrations, Christmas, birthdays etc. I can't get my head around why they weren't that interested in a 10 year old who had lost her mum at 7 🙁

IMustDoMoreExercise · 02/07/2024 09:25

I would expect your parents to disinherit you. You should not have told them what you plan to do. It is none of their business.

Original poster
IsMadl · 02/07/2024 09:21

Thank you everyone, I do understand where people are coming from in terms of giving an asset away, however

  1. I'm not an overly cautious person, I don't believe it is good for the mind and I can't sit back and watch someone I love struggle while I hoard for fictional future expenses
  2. We live in a 600k house, if need be we can sell, buy a 2 bed bungalow and 400k left over
  3. I'm not worried about pensions, I've thought long and hard about it. We are both quite lucky as in my opinion DHs NHS Pension and my teaching Pension are pretty good deals. We don't live a dramatic life and have both been paying into private pensions for many years on top.
  4. Both our parents are still alive and own property etc, while I'm not willing to plan on the basis of inheriting (wouldn't be surprised if my parent disinherit me and DHs leave everything they have to a charity), the likely hood is we will inherit something in years to come
  5. While I understand 150k is no small amount, this is my grandbaby we are talking about!! I'd buy her a palace if I could. I know my SD doesn't want her baby to grow up in a flat, she grew up with a lovely big garden and at the very least she wants that. They both WH 2 days a week so an office is more or less a need and we already plan that I will go down in school holidays they can't cover between them to help with childcare so a spare room would be nice - in London that's big asking for 800/900k. I know they aren't on the breadline or in dire need of help, however I do feel they deserve it. After CGT we are looking at around £260,000 which to me could be the difference of my grandbaby growing up on a nice street with space for a trampoline and not having it! I know it isn't the stuff of sob stories but it matters to us.
OP posts:
crikeycrumbsblimey · 02/07/2024 09:20

Shelby2010 · 02/07/2024 00:50

Perhaps a compromise would be to give SD £200,000 from the sale of the house. Invest the other £100,000 as a back up should you need it, but if you don’t use it, it goes to your niece & nephew.

Very good idea

user7856378298987 · 02/07/2024 09:16

And…just don’t discuss with your parents. Presumably you’re a functioning adult, so none of their business!

user7856378298987 · 02/07/2024 09:13

Do it.
It sounds like you have a better relationship than many mother/daughters.
A parents death at a young age, particularly your mum, is a massive thing to live with. How fortunate that she’s had you OP, a lovely thing to do. Life is so hard financially for youngsters now.

Palagiprincess · 02/07/2024 09:10

It's a lovely thing to do. My entire estate will be left to the children of a close friend living overseas. It makes no difference to me that they're not blood relatives.

Dartwarbler · 02/07/2024 09:09

Do take into account that if it’s not your main residence and you sell it, you will need to pay capital gains tax . Make sure you include that in your thinking.