To be so fucking angry

Do this OP. Contact all the councillors you possibly can and also write to your local paper.

My local council has recently had to pay out thousands to several families for situations like this. I think you could also escalate to the local authority ombudsman.

Self refer for an ehcp and if they say no to assess take it to mediation if you lose do it again and again and again. Don't take no.

My heart breaks for you, its so difficult and everything is a battle but honestly put your foot down now and be that mum absolutely do not let them start telling you no now. Fight and fight and fight some more 💪 you've got this and so has your boy xx

Yanbu. I'm angry on your behalf, and on behalf of your son who isn't getting the help he clearly needs, and on behalf of the other children that don't are have any SEN but are affected daily by these issues. Its an absolute fucking shit show

Have sent you a pm

I agree with this - cool that anger down to a rolling boil and use it to keep the pressure up on the people who can actually get things done. The bald fact is that there aren't enough resources for the people who are in desperate need of them, let alone those who are entitled to them. So it's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil. I would add this - pace yourself, because this is a marathon, not a sprint, and you have years of frustration and conflict ahead of you (sorry). Make sure you carve out some time to recharge and remind yourself that there's more to life - and more to being his mum - than being pissed about by idiots.

Could you defer him starting school? 4 is very young to start with, even without his additional issues. That might give more time to get adequate provision in place?
It doesn't seem realistic to send him this year, or fair on anyone.

What reason did the LA give for not assessing? Was your child been in nursery prior to starting school?

Just appeal. Remember you’re not trying to get the LA to change their mind. You’re getting the judge to tell the LA to apply the law correctly, the bit of law being 36(8) of the Children and Families Act.

Google “IPSEA appeal against refusal to assess.”

A significant number of LAs kick back first applications just to see if the parents have the minerals to appeal. Bastards.

When is DS 5?

Has the school applied for high needs top up funding?

If your appeal is successful it won’t be a further 20 weeks. If the LA is going to issue they must do so within 14 weeks. Where are you in the appeal process?

If this was my child then I’m afraid I would not be putting him in this situation.

I don’t know what the answer is but he seems scared and that would be a dreadful scenario for someone with his struggles

I have been through similar and honestly my advice is focus on the things you can change not the ones you can’t. I’ve laid awake many a nights worrying about things.

mainly through the ages of 6-10 I’ve found some sort of peace but not lasting I’m certain

good luck

Self referral for EHCP. Our DC clearly didn't fit into mainstream schools, and after 2 different ones, the week after he went to a specialist school the change was incredible! Once you refer and experts are involved it can happen quickly, you don't need the school to do it. Best thing we ever did at age 4/5. Best of luck and please feel free to pm me. Xx

YANBU @Crystallizedring
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
No parent should have to fight for these basic assistance needs

Can you keep him for another year? Use the time to fight for support?

I find starting at age four nothing short of insane for any child tbh.

This was my thought also. Is it possible to defer admission for a year and continue with the setting he is in at the moment, for his own wellbeing. Then fight hammer and tongs to get an EHCP assessment in his current setting, so he's got one ready for 2025 admission? X

You are NBU but make sure you get take your anger out on the right people here- if you keep trying to send him to school and appeal the EHCP assessment you’ll get there.

But yes it’s an absolute shit storm and has been for some time- mainstream schools being forced to take kids who can’t cope, special schools being closed and places not replaced, kids CAMHS completely overwhelmed, no ADHD meds, even assessments for things like autism and ADHD taking years, tens of councils going bust because they can’t afford to educate the SEN kids they already know about. My advice is save money to pay an education law solicitor because chances are you’ll need one at some point.

When the election is over I would contact my mp. Also have you contacted your member of the council..s/he is there to represent you. Give them hell and demand they do something...local councillors really don't get used enough for these situations

Oh no I’m so sorry to hear. Is he summerborn ie after May? Would you consider deferring his reception place if so?