To be so fucking angry

The system is a nightmare to negotiate and everything is a battle. It can be really helpful to have the mainstream school on side to push for EHCP and a more appropriate placement, you could consider keeping him on role next year and him attending with a significantly reduced timetable of whatever he can manage. I went through this with my son and he now has an EHCP and attends a lovely special school. I also work for the LA and it's heartbreaking to see the system in such a mess, their hands are tied by central government underfunding and unrealistic expectations. Good luck, you will get there.

If your child has regressive autism the changes that you observed will have had nothing to do with the setting. While a big room may well be overwhelming for him, in regressive autism the changes would have occurred anyway.

Just mentioning it as it may allay concerns about keeping him in a nursery setting for longer. It’s unlikely to be the setting if he’s experienced true regression rather than just temporary overwhelm.

Every SEN parent would say the same as you re fighting for their child - the comments re LA funding and shortages are really just to underline the fact that it’s a big fight, not that you shouldn’t do it. It’s helpful to understand what you’re up against.

As I said earlier, unfortunately it’s an experience that many, many SEN parents are forced to endure repeatedly throughout the entire school years to get what their child needs. And in many cases, its parents fighting to get what their child has been legally awarded but isn’t being delivered because of shortages.

It’s neverending because the system is broken. Be prepared because it’s not just one fight at the start, the same issues crop up again and again and again. It may sound disheartening but it’s important to appreciate that even when a provision gets agreed, sometimes it an even bigger fight to get it delivered.

I have every sympathy OP, it’s just not good enough, kids are being failed by the system. Definitely get your local MP involved, once the election is over.

I have 6 children 3 have asd. None of them got a diagnosis until age 7+. We had very similar the eldest children suffered going to school for a couple of years - biting herself and incontinent with anxiety and basically no extra support . In the end after my eldest told me she didnt want to be alive anymore i picked them all up walked away and never went back.

We home ed for the rest of their school careers the youngest 3 are still home ed (youngest two have never set foot inside a school). My 8 year old just got her diagnosis of asd a few weeks ago and i am glad theres been no school battles.

Eldest started college for a levels with extra support from college for exams (no echp needed at all) and is about to do biomedical science at uni. Next child is training as a bricklayer and third has just finished sitting gcses as a private candidate.

not everyone wants to home ed which is fine but for us it turned what seemed like a nightmare around.

Sorry just seen update. It’s not up to them it’s up to you.

Keep him in nursery for another year while they get the EHCP. Will much less traumatic for him and you.

the LA are too stupid

Not stupid, no money.

Vote wisely on Thursday.

I'm so sorry to read this. Your anger is completely understandable and I'm sending hugs.

I don't disagree with you about the Tories, but I have to say the lack of competence, efficiency, and care demonstrated by the LA also contributes to the absolute shitshow going on.

They do have limited funds but there is a complete lack of logic, empathy, and understanding in their processes and administration.

Our case worker in the LA just ignored a complaint we sent in.

They also took three weeks to tell us the reason we had been refused a change of setting. Eventually when I phoned I managed to speak to someone different and they literally read the note on a post-it on the top of the file!!! Three weeks I'd been waiting and the information was right there.

Utter lack of care and incompetence. It's not just funding.

Hi OP, can you describe how your DS has regressed since being at preschool? Is there any possibility that this would continue even if he was in school?

Some children with additional needs really struggle in busy mainstream environments, even with the support of an EHCP.

It is easier to get an EHCP when your child is attending an educational setting, even if it's just nursery. They have access to specialist services such as Ed Psych and Speech/Language Therapy, even if these resources are stretched and hard to access.

Do you actually think the school is going to be the right environment for him? If he's still not verbal and in nappies, does he actually need more support ie/a special school? As @twilightermummy accurately describes above, it's an absolute FUCKER trying to get a specialist setting when your child has started in mainstream. In my (bitter) experience, it's better to aim for the special setting from the start if you think it's going to be needed.

If your DS was settled in nursery I'd defer him for a year and let nursery help you fight for the EHCP. It doesn't sound like he's ready for school yet. I very much doubt school will have the resources to support him in the way that he needs, and he sounds as if he's a very long way from where the other children will be.

I'm sorry this is such a shitshow. It is. And it won't be any consolation at all to know that you're walking a very well-trodden path. You have to fucking FIGHT and FIGHT for everything. Even things that you think will be obvious. I know the LA is short on funding but it always seems to be our SEN kids who suffer the most. The system is utterly woeful. If people haven't experienced it, it's hard to comprehend just how inadequate it really is.

For context, I have two autistic DC (and I'm autistic/ADHD myself). DS has high needs and was diagnosed just before he turned 4. My DS sounds very similar to yours at age 4, and our LA also initially refused to assess (just before he started reception class). Thankfully I managed to get them to reverse their decision by kicking up a huge fuss, and DS got an EHCP with the maximum amount of 1:1 support - which shows how ridiculous their initial refusal decision was. He later moved to special school and that was another huge bastard fight. I won't even begin to describe the fights we had for DD who wasn't diagnosed until she was 10.

I honestly sympathise, but this is how it is. Get all your evidence and fight. And be prepared to keep on fighting every time you need something else for your child. It's awful, but this is how it is. I was also the SEN school governor for 5 years, so I've seen it also from the school's side and their frustrations with the LA too.

"The inference is obvious you wont get an EHCP that costs the LEA money"
This was exactly how it was 40 years ago, 30 years ago and 20 years ago. I don't think it has ever got better or changed. Parents were struggling to pay for private schools with small classes and extra help back then too. IME of at least two head teachers, they didn't "believe in" dyslexia, dyspraxia or ASD. Even going to appeal was a shocking experience because of the lies and incompetence of the LEA. It is an absolute disgrace OP and I am so sorry it is happening to your child.

I may be wrong but I'm sure If he is deferred a year you don't pay for nursery as he's funded 30 hours .

As a previous poster said, contact your MP and local councillor, we did this with our ds who was 9 at the time, Primary school admitted there was no more they could do for him, which did help.

We emailed our MP and local councillor and they were fantastic and really helpful in securing a placement for our ds at a complex needs school of our choice.

Our ds is 24 now and while it had been a battle, it was well worth the fight, he absolutely loved the school, as we kept telling them, we wanted what was best for our ds not what was best for us as his parents.

Good luck!

I don’t have any advice but wanted to say I am so sorry that you and your child have to go through this. The lack of support for children in this country is a joke particularly those with SEN or disabilities. It makes me so angry too!! Wishing you all the best!!

It's not the LAs fault - they have been underfunded by the Tory government at the same time as the internet reduced use of carparks and shopping centres so many are on the verge of bankruptcy. Best thing you can do is vote on Thursday to get rid of the Tories. Things will likely take a while to improve as it's such a mess at the moment

My wife & I have two autistic children one with an EHCP one without.

The one with an EHCP has one that basically says 'look after this child'

The one without hasnt been at school, for over a year and will almost certainly need a specialist place at £100K PA. When we went to Mediation the County rep could not understand why the application from the school had been turned down but they turned it down again.

The inference is obvious you wont get an EHCP that costs the LEA money

Oh darling. I’ve no expertise but gut instinct tells me no, of course you aren't. I’m so sorry.

Are you in a position to be able to home educate him? I wouldn’t be able to leave my child in that situation, it’s heartbreaking.

You could spend time fighting the LA or you could just spend your time with him, witnessing him learning things and making sense of the world with him.

There is loads of help and advice out there about home education, I’ve been at it for 12 years. Lots of SEN children find it a blessing as you tailor it to their needs and abilities. Worth considering in your situation. Good luck OP

The LGO can’t look at the LA’s refusal to assess because OP’s right to challenge that is via SENDIST.

OP, you don’t need a solicitor and if money is tight you should always prioritise independent assessments. So save your money in case you need to appeal again further down the line (you won’t need independent assessments for the refusal to assess appeal, it sounds like you will be able to collate enough evidence from people who are already involved/previously involved).

I wish I'd sorted the EHCP out earlier instead of putting my two through the hell of mainstream school. It's really knocked my daughter's confidence and her self esteem is on the floor. She's literally in counselling for this very reason.

If you take him out of school, like I did, you will find you're a lone, vulnerable voice battling to be heard. Schools usually like to have 2 full terms with your child before they make a referral. If they won't, do it yourself. The only problem with that is though, even if the LA were to issue an EHCP, if your son is in a mainstream school, they'll do everything to keep him there with offers of funding and a TA. Then you will have another battle in attempting to get him into a specialist setting, assuming that's needed.

Another thing, most services don't like to diagnose before year 2.

Good luck. You'll be made to jump through many hoops. The system is an absolute shit show.

Sorry I meant you can too!

So sorry you’re going through this- the council are pretty much refusing every EHCP needs assessment days but the good news is a lot do overturn a lot at mediation and then the clock starts again-so it’s not 20 weeks from then, it’s usually 6 weeks or so between applying and getting a decision, the clock pauses and then starts again so theoretically you’re looking at 14 weeks from that -still not in time for sept though. I really wouldn’t send him to mainstream in this situation, easy to say but I know people who have kept them home until they get a sEN place. You kind of need school on your side here-it’s good they’ve seen it at its worse , they can support your decision that mainstream isn’t suitable and that will gain traction for EHCP-ask school if they can attend the mediation. It is absolutely awful but I promise you that you can get through this EHCP process and there’s light at the other side.

my sons needs aren’t as severe but we took them to mediation and won (which hopefully will show you that you can’t too), took him out of one school and held my ground but now at an amazing mainstream. I know people with needs similar to your son though who have stood their ground and got special school though

Degree for a year and press for echp in the meantime