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Original poster

To not want to ‘sit in the park’ on a second date?

458 replies

LookOverHere · 01/07/2024 17:38

I met a chap on a dating app a few weeks ago, we met up for a drink for our first date and it was fun. He’s calm, has a good sense of humour, nice smile, good job. Both in our late 40’s. He texted me the day after to say he’d love to see me again, and since then he’s sent the occasional text, thoughtful, remembers what I’ve said. But… for the second he suggested “shall we sit in the park?”

AIBU to be disappointed with this? What does it even mean… I’m too old to be hanging out in the park! That’s where I had my teenage dates. The weather forecast also says rain. It’s not a picnic, or he’d mention it. I think it’s a low effort suggestion, a bit weird for a professional guy, and something I might do with a friend or colleague (we sometimes grab a coffee in the park). All my successful relationships all started with a romantic meal. Is this how it is these days? All views welcome…

OP posts:
fieldsofbutterflies · 01/07/2024 18:37

Screamingabdabz · 01/07/2024 18:35

Because he didn’t say any of those things did he? He just said to sit in the park.

Why assume it means more than he’s stated?

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Because very few people will want to just "sit on a bench" with a stranger?

Whatsgoinon1 · 01/07/2024 18:37

I’d be annoyed with this too OP. If it was a suggestion of a picnic maybe a different story, or even going for a walk and stopping off for a drink at a pub…but sitting in the park?

I have a male friend that told me for first dates he will always suggest something cheap like a coffee that doesn’t have to last very long if he doesn’t like them and has just got to the point where he was sick of spending a fortune on meals for it to not work out. It may just be the case where he’s not sure about you yet but if you’ve spent time chatting on the phone and he’s already got to know you a little bit I would expect something a little more for a second date.

fieldsofbutterflies · 01/07/2024 18:37

Idontjetwashthefucker · 01/07/2024 18:36

Wouldn't he have clarified it if it was more than sitting in the park though?

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Maybe he's waiting for OP to respond, or wants to see how things go on the day, or what the weather is doing?

OP is also free to clarify things for herself if she's curious.

ladymalfoy45 · 01/07/2024 18:36

Drink sangria in the park ,then go home.....
It's such a perfect day.....

fieldsofbutterflies · 01/07/2024 18:36

Ochr · 01/07/2024 18:35

Send him to this thread op. It's full of women who apparently love sitting on park benches and hate nice restaurants.

I love nice restaurants, but not for a second date with a total stranger. I can't imagine anything more awkward Grin

Idontjetwashthefucker · 01/07/2024 18:36

fieldsofbutterflies · 01/07/2024 18:34

Yep, I've read it, and nowhere does he say "let's go and sit on a bench". "Sitting in the park" could mean at a cafe, or taking a picnic, or sitting watching a concert, or any number of other things.

Why assume the worst?

Edited
Show quote history

Wouldn't he have clarified it if it was more than sitting in the park though?

Screamingabdabz · 01/07/2024 18:35

fieldsofbutterflies · 01/07/2024 18:34

Yep, I've read it, and nowhere does he say "let's go and sit on a bench". "Sitting in the park" could mean at a cafe, or taking a picnic, or sitting watching a concert, or any number of other things.

Why assume the worst?

Edited
Show quote history

Because he didn’t say any of those things did he? He just said to sit in the park.

Why assume it means more than he’s stated?

Cheesemongers · 01/07/2024 18:35

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Ochr · 01/07/2024 18:35

Send him to this thread op. It's full of women who apparently love sitting on park benches and hate nice restaurants.

minipie · 01/07/2024 18:35

Yes ok his suggestion hasn’t taken hours of research and it’s nothing particularly unusual. But the OP hasn’t done any research either or made any more interesting suggestions. Why is it the bloke who has to impress? Are we in 1950?

fieldsofbutterflies · 01/07/2024 18:34

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Yep, I've read it, and nowhere does he say "let's go and sit on a bench". "Sitting in the park" could mean at a cafe, or taking a picnic, or sitting watching a concert, or any number of other things.

Why assume the worst?

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/07/2024 18:33

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Why should they? I want to date a man who is interested in getting to know me, not someone who just wants to throw money at me at an attempt to impress me.

Going to the park isn’t any less thoughtless than a very predictable dinner date.

Squashinthepinkcup · 01/07/2024 18:33

Think there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to sit in the park, actually is exactly what DH and I did on our second date. However if this isn't what you want to do then open communication would be the best bet, especially at this early stage of testing compatibilities and expectations.

Cheesemongers · 01/07/2024 18:32

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OtterMouse · 01/07/2024 18:32

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wutheringkites · 01/07/2024 18:32

I guess it depends on what you're after. If you're of the school of thought that a man must show his interest through money then maybe let this one go.

That doesn't make him cheap or disinterested though.

My second date with my partner (of 10 years) was a walk through Regents Park, which then rolled into dinner. He's extremely generous but doesn't focus on stuff. We still have a lot of walking dates together now.

Screamingabdabz · 01/07/2024 18:32

For all the people who ‘don’t like meals’ (who doesn’t like meals and why???) and those who love living on fresh air and bird song - just a reminder that this man has suggested ‘a sit’ - not a stroll, or a walk, or a mooch along the river to a nice destination… noooo ‘a sit’ and ‘in a park’.

He’s not exactly pushing out the boat or trying to impress her is he? This isn’t about being grabby. Or snobby. But sitting in a park? Who does that apart from teenagers and the travellers of the road??

babadumm · 01/07/2024 18:31

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Don't most of these events – live music (pop/jazz/opera/any genre!), outdoor cinemas, food markets and al fresco pop ups, sports, etc etc – take place in the parks in summer?

CuteCillian · 01/07/2024 18:31

I’m too old to be hanging out in the park! That’s where I had my teenage dates. The weather forecast also says rain.
This comment from your opening post is a perfect response. If he responds with a pleasant way you will see that he is on your wavelength, if not, bin him.

hopscotcher · 01/07/2024 18:31

I'd be alright if a walk or coffee was involved, but not just sitting on a bench or something.

fieldsofbutterflies · 01/07/2024 18:31

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Where does it say he plans to just "sit on a bench"?

minipie · 01/07/2024 18:30

TheCultureHusks · 01/07/2024 18:26

Maybe he’s a millionaire and is testing you!

I did wonder if suggesting the park means he’s actually pretty well off. Not so much to test OP, but more because it wouldn’t occur to many well off people that they need to impress by spending or prove that they can afford a dinner date - that’s just taken as read.

Goodluckanddontfitup · 01/07/2024 18:29

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, I like the outdoors and think it would be a nice way to get to know someone, walking, chatting in the fresh air. If that’s not your thing then fair enough, but for some it would be a nice idea

Cheesemongers · 01/07/2024 18:29

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Julyshouldbesunny · 01/07/2024 18:29

Maybe he is being mindful you might want to feel safe in a public place? Or so he does? Have you an evil glint in your eye op?