to not understand people who never ask reciprocal questions in a conversation?

I was brought up in a house where I was taught not to ask questions because 'they'd tell you if they wanted you to know.'

It's very ingrained. I do try but asking always feels intrusive and cheeky somehow.

I wouldn't sit through a 3 hour 1:1 conversation with a good friend though, I am thinking more about colleagues and acquaintances.

So....if you never ask questions.

Do you not think there's a risk there could be significant stuff going on for your friend that you don't know about?

Do you expect them to lurch into disclosing that their parent died/their house burned down/their husband ran off, with no promoting, or do you hope to find out anything significant from third parties? Or don't you care?!

A LOT of significant stuff has happened to me over the years (not that extreme) that my self absorbed mum, dad and sister aren't aware of as they don't ask. Or I told them but they didn't remember.

Well said

How do you get to know anyone if you don’t ask questions? You just talk at each other? I don’t like when people are clearly just waiting for the other person to finish talking about themselves, so that they can start talking about themselves. Talking at each other isn’t my idea of enriching conversation tbh.

People converse differently, not sure why it has to be a monologue lead by questions back and forth.

I visited a friend yesterday who has recently had major surgery so we obviously chatted about that for a while which lead to what boxsets she’s been watching while recuperating so Bridgeton took up a large part of the conversation this lead to recent books we both read and could recommend.
She admired my trainers and so we chatted about recent clothes we both, she shared a picture of a dress she both for a wedding, I showed her a picture of a jumpsuit I was thinking of getting and got her opinion.
We moaned about menopause.
A mutual friend is having a difficult time so we talked about how we can support her and made tentative plans for a weekend away with her.
We gossiped about a recent extramarital affair we heard of.

Neither of us felt the need to enquire about our jobs, family or pets.

I’m feeling a bit self conscious now with reading some of this, I’m not one for asking lots of questions, just kind of let the conversation flow naturally. So sometimes I might ask questions to expand on something someone’s said or if I know something is happening eg they’ve been away on holiday, been to a gig, something is coming up etc but I don’t really ask random questions. I also don’t really wait to be asked questions, I just tend to add anything relevant into the conversation. As I said in my previous comment, I am autistic but I’m pretty good at masking (well I thought I was) so not sure if this is ok or if I’ve unintentionally been being rude to people

How weird, I’m from a working class background on a pretty rough council estate (I guess if you weren’t from a rough council estate you’d think it was a really really rough council estate lol) but I don’t think anyone would even consider questions in conversation to be like the police. We’re all dead down to earth & probably ask each other too many questions in conversation if anything. We chat to anyone & everyone, and I’m autistic, was always really shy as a kid but that was dragged out of me as everyone would be mates & chat away even if you’ve only just met. Like you I’m always really surprised at some of the answers some give or the reactions some people have

Just sounds like a mismatch in communication styles rather than one person being right and the other wrong.

I don't really like answering questions so I model my preferred conversational style by offering information I want to and letting the other person do the same.

I actually think on a scale of rudeness, sneering down your nose at another person just because they happen to communicate in a different way than you do is much worse than not asking questions during conversation!

Just sounds like a mismatch in communication styles rather than one person being right and the other wrong.

I don't really like answering questions so I model my preferred conversational style by offering information I want to and letting the other person do the same.

I actually think on a scale of rudeness, sneering down your nose at another person just because they happen to communicate in a different way than you do is much worse than not asking questions during conversation!

When you say that you aren't talking about ND people here, I didn't find out I was autistic until I was in my 40's, and I know that I am not alone in that. I can mask pretty well but when I am feeling anxious socially I know that I can motormouth. I am aware that it can make me sound like a self centred, insufferable cow, but it is an anxiety response rather than self centredness.(Yes, I know that it is very self centred to worry about what people think of you, before anyone says it). To stop this happening I actively avoid things like parties and group social events, and only socialise one on one with people who know me well. I also set myself "scripts".
Until I was diagnosed, I honestly thought that everyone did this. I wonder if anyone else is similar?

I try not to ask too many questions - certainly with strangers. I consider it rude if someone grills me about my job/partner/family etc etc, so I wouldn't dream of doing it in return.
It's not lack of interest, OP, it's respecting people's privacy.

@SummerInSun good for him! Glad to hear it.

I've certainly learned that it's important to some people for me to ask about holidays, pets, family, but really I do it because it's expected. I also find it extremely biting to be asked these things. This isn't the only way to show an interest in others, and it isn't how I take an interest in others.

I've known loads like this OP, no ND. They don't last long in my life

I wouldn’t have thought Jane is particularly interested in discussing Alan’s marathon training with you, though. She’s probably spending more time than she’d like discussing it with Alan. I find it faintly depressing when women spend their entire time together talking about the men and children around them. As a PP said, I’d much rather talk about the rest of the world, more abstract things. I’m not a robot and sometimes it’s good to talk about emotions and relationships, but not all the time, it’s exhausting and it starts to feel intrusive if you aren’t in the mood.

This is always so weird on MN. I have a friend who just never asks anything and therefore doesn’t know much about me. It’s like I’m just a pair of ears (/eyes, WhatsApp) to her 😄 I scroll back through my messages and literally, zero questions. I’ve given up now and waiting for her to enquire about me. Maybe petty, but since when was it high maintenance to expect your oldest friend to ask how you are? What world are we living in here? 🤣 mad.

He agrees that the training was all bonkers and totally out of touch with the real world. That’s on reason DH left that job and now works somewhere where people chat about kids, holidays, family origins, etc, in a normal natural way!

“… the marathon’s in November so he’s got plenty of time”

Silence

Or

“Blimey, I wish I had enough free time to train for a marathon but with Dave working away…”

”Wow! That’s brilliant. You wouldn’t catch Dave doing a marathon unless they renamed Snickers. Ha ha! He‘s away with work next week so …”

”It’s so hard when they’re always training. Dave and little Jimmy are never off their bikes ….”

I only ask direct, specific question when I don’t know people well. In normal, natural conversation with friends I expect it to flow. Or, like a previous poster said, I can cut in and get the topic changed. E.g.
“Have you heard about xxx.?”
“I read on Mumsnet …”
”Did you see that last minute goal last night?!”
“So, I handed my notice in yesterday…”

Just speak up and tell your mate about Dave! Or your promotion/views on the political situation in Gaza/thoughts on the general election/your chin hair!

I taught in a very working class area for decades and never found it to be the case that people there were reluctant to ask questions, once they'd got to know me. Quite the opposite, really! I did find they were more guarded if someone spoke in a different accent - it often took longer for them to feel at ease - but the OP is talking about her friends, here, not complete strangers. It's normal to ask the same question back, whether you're talking to your friend about what you saw on TV last night or the hairdresser about where you're going on holiday.

This has been discussed on here before and the answers were surprising.

Some said that if the person was from a working class background, they would never ask questions as asking questions is the sole preserve of the police and other authorities.

Others said that they assumed that if someone had something to say, they'd just say it, without having to be asked.

Like you, I find it so odd, it's as if conversations should only be monologues until both parties have said all they have to say, not a proper, evolving interaction between two people at all.

I think questions are just for getting the conversation going. They are rarely a back and forth with reciprocal ones otherwise they it would be formulaic and boring. You said you’d spoken to your friend a couple of days before so it’s not as if you hadn’t seen her for a while. You need to move the conversation forward if someone isn’t forthcoming. I also agree with what some posters have said about ND not being that obvious. I have several friends who have been recently diagnosed. I couldn’t always tell.

Try this instead:

You: How's Alan?
Jane: He's alright. He's training for a marathon at the minute so I'm not seeing much of him.
You: Ah I know what you mean - Dave's away for work next week and I'm not looking forward to it. Is the training going well though?
Jane: It's okay. He's building up the distance every day. The marathon's in November so he's got plenty of time.
You: Big commitment though. I'm doing well if I get to the gym once a week...etc

You don't need to leave an awkward pause for an imagined question. You can just say stuff about your life as part of the conversation.

It also true that a lot of people just aren’t interested in others. I have friends who are socially awkward or don’t ask a lot of questions but I can still tell that they’re interested in me/my opinions/stuff I say. If she’s not interested in you (or can’t be arsed to pretend), why does she want to be friends? What’s the point?

Fair enough. In that case my next reponse would probably be "oh is that the time? Lovely talking to you" and leg it.