to not understand people who never ask reciprocal questions in a conversation?

I’ve known that expression for at least 20 years.

@BlownItJellyHead I think when conversation doesn’t flow, it’s hard. I agree that if people don’t ask any questions, it feels like disinterest. I’m usually the one who keeps conversation flowing and there was a whole thread about what happens if the person relied upon to do that decides to stop.

answer- silence. Some people said they prefer that but then I wonder why they organised a meet-up.

Hos do you make friends if all your conversations with new people are so one-sided?

There are a lot of self absorbed people but they are just not aware of it (some of the replies on here provide perfect examples)

That was an example based on the OP's own description of their conversation. Clearly she can talk about whatever she wants, my point is she doesn't need to be asked.

Yesterday I was out with a friend for three hours - she bombarded me with a thousand questions, some of them quite personal, about my health and my partner. Every time I answered she bowled another question at me. In that whole time she never told me anything about herself, and I never got chance to ask her. In fact, I'd have felt a bit rude asking her some of things she did me.

What is it with these people?
I do hope she's not on MN.

I don't normally bother getting into threads where the OP sounds smug, self-satisfied and judgmental, but what the hell - it's Monday, I'll treat myself.

I am awful at keeping up superficial conversations. I feel huge pressure about it, which makes me go to pieces and forget all the things I know about the other person, and am genuinely interested to ask. I am so grateful for those who are happy to lead the conversation - I'll willingly participate, and hopefully we'll alight on a topic of mutual interest and it will stop being awkward. I feel eternally reproached by Jane Austen's description of "Mrs. Annesley, a genteel, agreeable-looking woman, whose endeavour to introduce some kind of discourse proved her to be more truly well-bred than either of the others", because that's exactly where I fail.

More than anything, I appreciate when people understand that it's not that I don't care; I'm just extremely bad at this stuff. But thanks, OP, for reminding me that the judgy folk, too, walk among us.

@BlownItJellyHead is it just back and forth questioning your friend doesn’t do, or is it the whole general flow of conversation? I absolutely get where you’re coming from re questions but it’s clear many people commenting approach conversation in other ways. I’ve also become frustrated with some friends (well, in laws) when realising that they never prompt any conversation. So it’s not just not asking a question, it’s never being the first to volunteer an opinion or make a comment or offer an observation that would get the chat going. It’s me asking a question or offering a thought and it’s just met with nothing proactive back.

sometimes conversation is like tennis. You can both take turns at serving and getting the ball back (questions and replies) and sometimes you have great long rallies with unexpected twists or you keep the ball going back and forth nicely between you. If it’s just one person serving or hitting or lobbing the ball over the net and the other person just swipes it back into the net each time it all feels a bit thankless.

Clearly the op wasn't talking about people like you.. but you are actually coming across as someone who makes everything about themselves ironic eh 😂

I think some posters are purposefully misunderstanding and twisting the situation here. You are not "bombarding" anyone, friend is obv happy to talk about herself for 3 hours and ask nothing about how you are.. it's very weird and most people in OPs shoes would be dropping this sort of "friend" or at least distancing themselves.
This is what I ended up doing, with a family member no less - they'd never ask a single question about my DP (who I'd been with for years), no question about my work or interests; not even after I'd been through a very difficult time they knew about. It's so weird and I just got fed up, so now speak with them as little as possible.

I'm going through a tough time at the moment. Still putting on a brave face so talking to colleagues and asking them about their lives.

They can sense that I prefer not to answer questions so are being kind enough not to ask them.

OK, well for my part, if a friend never asked me a single thing about myself/my life I wouldn't bother to remain friends with them.

It's a bit different with family, I think.

I mean, I think my SIL has only ever asked me one question in the entire 20 years or so I've known her (I remember as I was so surprised!) but she is a nice, kind, generous person so while I would never seek her out as a friend (and find it hard to know how to pass time in company with her as any topic of conversation dies), it's not quite the same.

I'd love to watch her interact with a close friend to see how they communicate.

As some of the described methods of here sound like a Samuel Beckett play 😂.

Wow I literally said the same thing to dh the other day about myself, I honestly think I'm a bit weird because of how effed up my head is from emotional abuse (from my dm). I'm sorry you feel this way too, but know you're not alone I'm early 40's and dm is in her 80's now, hasn't mellowed at all which I always hoped she would

I do this sometimes when my social anxiety is bad. Sometimes it feels safer to just answer their questions and not ask any of my own in case I ask the wrong thing and they hate me. I know that’s irrational but that’s how my brain works. It’s never my intention to be rude I’m just not very good at talking to people in real life. It is something I’m trying to work on every day. In my case it’s definitely not because I’m self obsessed. Quite the opposite really. I think I’m probably so boring that people couldn’t possibly want to have a lengthy conversation with me, so I don’t try to carry it on so that they can ‘escape’ from me as soon as possible. I agree that some people may not ask any questions about you because they’re self obsessed, but that’s not always the reason.

@BlownItJellyHead I'm Neurodivergent, have complex trauma and acute issues and am perfectly able to engage in back and forth/reciprocal conversations, so let's not make sweeping generalisations, eh?!

Or don't you care?!

How many people have literally told you on this thread that asking questions is not how they show they care.

My close friend’s mum died recently. How do I know? Because she told me. She didn’t wait to be asked. Honestly from my point of view it’s weirdly self-absorbed to think someone else has to drag information out of you for you to share it.

Or another friend, is getting a dog. How am I meant to know to ask her about getting a dog when she’s never mentioned one before?

Telling people stuff they don’t remember is an entirely different thing.

It's so rude.. you're literally spending precious life on people who don't know hardly anything about you, you could be anyone to them.

We have some family friends we see almost every week as our DC are really close. We’ve known them nearly a decade. They are true friends who would help us in all manner of practical ways if ever we needed it, and I love them dearly, but they are so utterly incurious I’m not sure they even know what I do for a living. 😂 I find it baffling.

I work with a group of women who don’t talk about themselves. Instead, they talk solely about their (quite grown up) children. Some of them (the children) are at school doing exams, some are away at university, a few are married with kids of their own. Their mothers carry on like new mums at a baby group. These are professional, accomplished women. Occasionally they might chat about the dogs with which they have replaced the children. I think they have lost their sense of themselves. I ask them questions sometimes, but two minutes and the conversation will turn back to the “kids”.

Same here. To keep the conversation flowing naturally.

Generally it’s because they just don’t care about anyone else apart from themselves. They don’t ask questions as they don’t care what is going on with you.
I know someone like this and they are just plain hard work as a person.

I think as the OP was talking about a friend, good enough that they spent 3 hours together, that's the relevant context.

If you'd call someone a friend but don't feel you can ask a single question, that's a bit odd and not what I would call a friend, personally.

I also wouldn't bother for long with a friend who had no interest in me.

This is me, I had to stick a post it to my phone in work to remind me to ask how people are and not just jump straight into the work conversation I rang them for.

Or the ones who ask a question but don’t listen to a word you are saying and have only asked so they can tell you all about themselves. It’s draining.

I don’t wait to be asked. I tell my friends what is going on with me, same as they do to me but then I come from a large family and if you didn’t speak up then you didn’t get heard.

Prompting! Not promoting.