to not understand people who never ask reciprocal questions in a conversation?

It's not difficult to grasp . They understand it perfectly well. Fact is, they just wanna talk about themselves CONSTANTLY and use this as an excuse. You can tell who they are just from this thread!

For those who think it's nosey to ask questions, I think you're getting muddled. It's never ok to ask overly intrusive questions - finances, status, political stance etc ( unless, you know the person really well and have that type of relationship). Asking general questions - is how you get to know someone and actually show you're interested and care. I can't understand why that is difficult to grasp!

If they gave you time to think, do you think you'd ask them questions though?

I think there is definitely a different between not asking reciprocal questions and not being able to get a word in edgeways, OP seems to be talking about someone who is just happy to talk about herself and doesn't ask anything back, ever.

You sound quite exhausting actually! 😂 some people are maybe a bit anxious and over think so that they worry about what to ask and how it comes across. Some people are just quieter than others and don't really learn the art of moving the conversation along? If she is your friend, just accept her for who she is. And allow a few silences - it might give her time to process and she might venture a question!

I'm one of these people! It's not necessarily rude. I just find that often the people who I'd don't ask these questions of, are the people that bombard me with questions, and don't give me time to think...they're also the ones that don't tend to listen to your answers anyway and prefer to add a question to fill a silence!

It can often be rude to ask so many questions!!!

I agree with this. I don’t ask too much about people becuase I was brought up that things just ‘aren’t your business’, so now when I’m asked too much I hate it and give a simple answer and no more!

There's plenty of these people around. They are best avoided. They talk at you and don't listen.

My parents never ask how are you even to me?! Well at least when we were still in touch.
It was seen as prying. “What if they are struggling and you upset them” my family are totally incapable of dealing with emotion or feeling.
I always ask people how they are now and I genuinely want to know.

My family are that way and I was raised that way. They don’t believe in prying. We are estranged for other reasons but i had to learn to have conversation as well as many other things they didn’t teach me.
I probably go the other way now and ask plenty to deflect attention from me.

Agree, we recently, along with another couple, met up with some mutual friends. We heard all about their children’s news, including the couple we were with . No one asked about ours 🙄

I also don't start conversations about me. It honestly bores me to have these kinds of conversations. I get that it'snecessary as a sort of social glue. I start conversations by asking others what they think about a topic.

“How did xs exams go?” They answer / you answer then general chat about exams which could then go anywhere. That’s how normal friend interactions seem to go.

The non questioners would presumably give a monologue about their own child’s exams and leave it there. Isn’t that terribly rude?!

But how do you show an interest in others by never asking them a question and only talking about your life?
Surely ‘how are you’ is a question?

Well if you don’t ask them questions and you don’t like them asking you questions do you just walk along in complete silence?

I wouldn't be interested in knowing about the reciprocal answers.

I'm not sure that's what OP means, (she asks about work, so friend should ask about work etc). It's more that her friend doesn't ask anything, so it doesn't matter what OP thinks about things, she is never getting the opportunity to open up about anything unless she starts randomly babbling broken biscuits about her thoughts and feelings on things without ever being prompted.

I would say most conversations start with a basic question, if you don't ask anything at all you aren't ever prompting a conversation, you are literally just answering questions that someone asks you and then waiting for them to ask you another one when the conversation naturally lulls.. in a reciprocal conversation you would normally take it in turns to prompt each other, with a question, a thought, an observation etc.. some people just don't do that.

So when OP asks about something (work in this instance), and when that conversation naturally reaches it's end, the friend could then lead the conversation to a more interesting topic of her choice, "have you seen that new show on netflix" "have you seen about this current event", or god forbid, ask the OP if her and her family are okay and at least pretend to care about the answer like a good friend should.

I have asked her before when it has got too excruciating, and said something like, "you're a bit quiet, is everything okay?" .. "Yes, fine"..

I feel a bit awkward saying anything more, as it is just her way I suppose, and I feel if I question it I'm questioning her personality if you see what I mean? But I do get tired of the one way conversations that we have, especially when it such hard work to even get that out of her, but she seems to get something out of it and I love her so it continues, she will tell me everything she's been doing and problems at work and home etc but she continues to never asks a single thing or reciprocate the conversation in any way.

The funny thing is, if I'm ever down or unhappy or somethings happened, she would be there with flowers or something thoughtful to cheer me up, she's always done that since we were kids, and I do the same for her, but when things are going good or just a level playing field, it's like she just loses all interest.

The trouble with the questions you're asking is that they're fucking boring and, no, I wouldn't be interested in knowing about the reciprocal answers. I really couldn't care less about your work rotas. Or how your Dave is doing.

But...

I'm much more interested in your views on conversation and turn-taking which you are sharing in this thread. Genuinely. The things you are saying here - your opinions and assumptions on a social situation - are much more what I would want to talk to you about than your "reporting" on some boring shit that's happened at your work.

So unless you've got some scandalous or hilarious story to tell me, I'd rather hear what you think than what you'd done.

@Marmiteontoastgirlie I wonder if I’m your friend who has been cut out! I had a friend who fired questions at me as though I was at a job interview but she avoided answering anything, it felt to awkward to keep asking. She cut me out and I never found out why. I think the questioning was a power and trust issue.

It's very simple. You say "So what's going on with you at the moment? /How have you been? / What are you up to?"

I have a friend who never asks me questions, and they only just found out that my mum died when I was a child. Why? Because it's not the kind of thing I'm going to suddenly announce. But if they had noticed that I never mention my mother, and that I have a stepmother, they could have asked me why. Other more considerate friends have done just that. They've asked very tactfully "And is your mum still around?" and then I've been able to open up.

Although i agree with you that facial expressions often demonstrate it, some people have relatively expressionless faces but may be listening closely. And although they may not ask questions, they may then respond in a way that does continue the conversation - by suggesting how a problem could be resolved, for example, or with comments such as 'That sounds hard', 'Sounds like a great birthday,' 'Oh, it's beautiful there, isn't it,' (when a place is mentioned) etc etc.

If no reply whatsoever is made, I agree, it can then feel like hard work. But there's a lot of value being placed specifically on questions as a way of showing interest, on this thread, when there are all sorts of other ways, both verbal and non-verbal, to show interest.

I would say most people can tell if their friends are interested in what they’re saying, regardless of conversational style. What are the ways a person might show interest that another person might miss?

I disagree. To me OP's posts aren't displaying much understanding of why some people don't ask questions, even with some possible reasons having been supplied. And I don't agree that you can always tell whether someone is interested in what you are saying. Different people have different communication styles.

Yes but irl you can tell if someone is interested in you, regardless of their conversational style. Even if they’re not asking questions, they might look interested or make a relevant comment that builds on what you’ve just said. That’s ok. What the OP is talking about is people who plainly aren’t interested in others and if the conversation isn’t directly about them they have nothing to say.

I have to kick myself to remember to do it sometimes. When the person I'm talking to is more interesting it comes more naturally to ask them questions.

I felt like after the pandemic I had to work quite hard to get social skills back and found other people such hard work at first (probably as their social skills had also dropped off). It's better now.

Also when I was younger I was more shy of asking other people questions as it felt intrusive and I was more worried about embarrassment or asking the wrong thing. I can well remember those feelings. People often used to say I was quiet or aloof. Perhaps others found me self-absorbed or rude.

I find with people who don't ask questions for 90% of them it is shyness or lack of social conversational skills rather than self-absorption and am kind and patient with people and try to assume the best of them.

Urgh, I think a few of us on here know the same people or else there are a lot of them around! One particular friend of a friend is an absolute arse for this - not remotely interested in anything I have to say/ doesn't ask about my life at all; however to add another layer of annoyance to this - loves to ask extremely intrusive questions regarding my finances. So not bothered about finding out my interests/ hobbies/ holidays/who I am as a person/ likes/ dislikes, but is fine asking about how much money I have! She took me off guard the first few times but I'm prepared nowadays and shut it down with a glib response. Who does that? When I'm in her company nowadays I don't bother with her at all - I used to try and engage in her conversation and try to build a relationship with her, but nowadays I'm all about ' matching the energy' so she gets nowt from me. If she prefers to sit in an awkward silence and receive 1 word replies to her nosey money focused questions, so be it.