Am I being precious?

You do sound very judgemental to be honest. You wouldn't want to spend time with this mum because she parents differently to you? My son has been in a "dance" and movement class since he was 10 months old. It's just fun when they're that little, not serious at all. I don't really understand what the problem is with that. Surely it's just good exercise for her. I breastfeed and rear face as well but I wouldn't judge those who don't.

It sounds like the other mum was just making conversation and your MIL has just repeated some things she thought might be helpful to you. If you don't want to follow the advice you don't have to, but there's no need to make a big deal out of it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

A day a week of free childcare is a huge benefit. Your daughter won't come to any harm so yes just suck it up. My mum tended to bang on about what so and so did with their child (implying they were doing a better job than me) and I'd just bite my tongue and say "no thanks" or "that's nice".

Apart from the car seat thing (I agree rear facing for as long as possible is much safer unless good reason not to) I think you're a bit judgy of her choices. Formula isn't poison! And "preferring to do things as a family" is lovely when your child is 1 but when mine got to about 4 they loved doing a couple of things each weekend with children their own age. We struggled to keep them entertained and sufficiently worn out without the godsend of dance/gymnastics/swimming class. There were plenty of other hours in the weekend for family stuff.

I have a similar issue with my MIL. It's one of those things where you just have to pick your battles. Sometimes if I'm not in the best mood I'll give a fairly abrupt response but on the whole I just say "hhmm", and move on the conversation. It's not worth rocking the boat if she's an otherwise decent person.

You sound terribly judgemental, OP.

And anyway, you get your PFB back at the end of the day.

MIL is doing you a huge favour. I wouldn't look after a grandchild one day a week.

I don't think you're being precious, I think you're being a judgemental cow. Do you think formula feeding, booster seats and toddler dance classes are contagious or something?

Agree. DS’s nursery has all the kids doing ballet. They’re learning to follow instructions, gross motor skills, confidence etc. I think it’s great.

Good luck stopping your 13 year old DD wearing make up and nail polish!

And this.

This is why there is no such thing as free childcare. This is the price you are paying.

Just leave it. Bigger battles in life.

You sound so snobby and judgemental.

My daughter had a terrible time breastfeeding so we moved onto bottles after a few arduous months. By comparison her younger brother took to it like a duck to water and went on for nearly 2 years

If we were friends with your family, would my eldest have to wait outside the door while the 2 breastfeds played together?

Well if you need the childcare and can’t afford to pay for it so unfortunately you have to suck it up. Just keep shutting down the conversation: that’s nice Amy likes dancing will keep it in mind if DD asks when she’s older, that’s nice Amy has a booster seat now etc. etc. Smile and nod, then pivot the conversation elsewhere by asking what DD ate for lunch or something. And stop being so judgmental about the kid wearing nail polish. I get that MIL banging on with the comparisons is annoying but unless she’s nagging you to let her do a full toddlers and tiaras makeover on DD then it has nothing to do with you.

You sound really judgemental about the other womans parenting decisions. She's hardly going to be going out in a full face of make up and nail polish everyday is she? It's probably just a bit when she's playing dress up or mummys putting some on and she wants some too.

The dance classes are just a bit of fun for her daughter or like a PP said - it can really help with coordination. I'm not even going to start on how dare the poor woman formula feed compared to your breast feeding.

I get why it might be annoying but you can't afford childcare so you're probably just going to have to suck it up and ignore.

She sleep trained her daughter whereas we co sleep. We are still Breastfeeding and plan to for the foreseeable, whereas she FF her daughter. She had her daughter going to dance classes from when she could walk, we prefer to do other things as a family at the weekend.

She ‘isn’t the kind of person you’d choose to spend time with’ because she formula fed?

😬

Strap in…

You're using her for free childcare. You continue reminding her of your boundaries, ignore her and et on with it.

All you can say when she compares is "Oh well, our way suits us" and then change the subject. You are confident in your choices - she can't make you change! I had to keep shutting down MiL's stupid suggestions and she got the message eventually.

You never know you might get some interesting suggestions from someone so different to you. An alternative perspective is always useful, you don't have to agree with what the other woman does with her DD, I would be amused by the nail polish, etc. Our DD went to tumble tots from a young age I think it really helped her coordination and self confidence and she really enjoyed it, why not dancing lessons?

Just smile and nod. Your MIL is doing you a huge favour, without her you will be stuck. It doesn’t sound like she is actually criticising you(unless there is more of a back story), more that she is trying to be helpful if your dc isn’t sleeping through yet and giving you ideas.

You are being unreasonable with how massively judgemental you clearly are of this other woman which is kind of ironic.

I do think you're being quite precious, to be honest. The only person who seems to be judging other people's parenting and making comparisons is you, not your MIL.

What do you actually think is going to happen if your 1-year-old sometimes sees an adult who didn't breastfeed their child or chooses a different type of car seat to you, honestly? None of these things are catching.

If your DH agrees with you on the parenting decisions does he actually voice this to your MiL? Does he make it clear to here that you are both on the same hymn sheet as regards to how you are bringing up your DD.?
He should be having a conversation with her along the lines of being grateful for the help she gives but really you and he are happy with the way you are parenting and don't want to copy others parenting styles.

Just spat my drink out 🤣🤣🤣

I think you’re overthinking it all tbh. I really don’t see anything malicious in mentioning a dance class or an overnight stay?

If I’m honest you sound a little judgmental of the other mother. She’s not doing anything wild with her 3 year old daughter? Dance classes and abit of make up/nail polish aren’t unreasonable either. Why would her car seat or feeding choices impact on if you’d want your 1 year old child visiting?

I can see that it's annoying, but it really doesn't matter what your MIL says, does it? You're not going to follow her advice so it doesn't really matter. Just keep saying, "No, we're not interested in that" and let it go. If you want free childcare this is apparently the price you have to pay.