Am I being precious?

Your Mum is of an age (probably) where co-sleeping is thought to be a bit ‘odd’, she may be thinking ‘what’s wrong with the wain sleeping in her own cot at night’. Same with extended bf. Did you co sleep with your parents?

Make up and nail polish at 13 is likely to happen!

Missing the point

You are being unreasonable to suggest your MIL and your daughter should not spend time visiting this woman and her daughter. You are not being unreasonable to be annoyed by the constant comparisons and implied criticism (if indeed this is what it is). You need to deal with this by telling your MIL you'd rather not hear the comparisons. But you shouldn't need to be negative about your MILs friend to do this.

This unspoken element in this thread is about class (and not just dancing class). Lots of MC parents parent differently from WC parents and feel their way is obviously superior.
But the thing is, WC parents can feel exactly the same way, viz -- 'that poor kid, her mum won't even let her go to ballet and little girls love ballet/trying out a bit of nail polish,' etc.
So the snobbery (for that is what is is) can go both ways. It's the unfavourable comparison of one way with the other that is the problem. And both the OP and her MIL are doing this, I'm afraid.
As the OP has accepted -- just smile, ignore and move on. Sometimes hard to do but necessary given her circumstances

You do sound judgemental though. I breastfed both of mine and sleep trained them both. Because it was knackering to be woken up several times a night when they didn't actually need to be fed. Not sure if that makes me a chav? Ultimately we all do what we think is best for our individual family. It might not be what you would do, but that happens all the time about lots of things.

I think there’s a difference between telling your MIL to stop seeing her friend, which I don’t think is reasonable. And asking your MIL to stop comparing your child and her friends grandchild. Which is more reasonable. I would just advise that everyone parents their own way and you have your way and to please stop comparing as it isn’t helpful to anyone.

"tell MiL that I don’t want hear her friends opinions of my decisions."

"Mary said there's a space in a dance class her daughter went to" is just letting you know there's a space in a dance class, it isn't an opinion on your parenting. You're the one with opinions on her parenting, it sounds like!

Nobody is asking you to be friends with her, so whether you’d choose to be is moot; and I’m not sure what “boundaries” you think need to be enforced. MIL mentioning that her friend’s three-year-old granddaughter goes to dance classes just needs the response “I think DD is a little young for dance classes quite yet, maybe when she’s older.” By the time your own DD is three or four I’m fairly certain she’ll be asking you for those dance classes herself as many of her own friends will be going.

If Margo Leadbetter had children this would be her post 🤣🤣🤣

I think this hits the nail on the head.

Unfortunately, as you can't afford the extra child care and MIL is clearly doing you a favour, you're just going to have to bite your lip.

And yes, in answer to your question in the title, your are being precious, also unpleasant and judgemental.

Your child will meet a great many differently reared children when she starts school, and no doubt you'll vet them all and veto any potential relationships with those that don't meet your standards, but MIL is a grown woman and you cannot tell her who she can and can't be friends with while she looking after your child for you.

Obviously, if MIL were putting your child into situations that could harm her in some way then that's an entirely different kettle of fish, but somehow I suspect your child will survive mixing with a child that has been formula fed, wears nail varnish and went to dance classes at an early age without too much harm coming to her.

You sound really quite judgy and sneering OP.

I suspect you've got general issues with your MIL and this other woman who.....god forbid 😱 uses a high back booster and chose to formula feed 😱is giving you an outlet to nit pick

You sound incredible precious and up tight

You sound like such a judgemental knob.

If that's the worst of it and there's no backstory or dripfeed than YABVVU.

You need her for childcare. Smile, nod and suck it up.

You haven't listed differences in parenting styles, you've listed all the ways in which you think you're better than this other woman, who actually has nothing to do with the issue at all.

Get your dh to talk to his mum, but even free childcare has a cost. Your price is your MIL suggesting dance classes 🤔

Your baby is 1 and hers is 3. You are in completely different ball games here so judging her parenting just isn't on. If it's bothering you that much, put your DC into an extra day of childcare. You'll risk the relationship with your MIL though and you may find as time goes on, you'll want her support more.

Obviously there’s nothing wrong with this - clearly, you think there is a lot wrong with all of those things, or you wouldn't have posted.

And if you expect to never meet anyone - or your daughter never to mix with - people who parent differently, you are in for a rude awakening.

So yes, you do sound precious and a bit insufferable tbh.

Yes this has to be a clear windup, it's so ridiculous

Yeah this, you do sound a bit judgemental @LinseedCrackers. I get it, we were all high minded mothers when our first kid was one, but this isn't a hill worth dying on.

I also think it’s very easy to make assumptions about how you would parent a three year old when your child is younger. When you are faced with a strong willed toddler it certainly focuses the mind about which battles are worth fighting. With regards to the dance class it may also be because it gives the mother chance to socialise with other mothers.

I think YABU. You can pay for extra childcare but even then, you will encounter this because your MIL is still likely to see her friend and some parents at school will be similar.

Usually these kind of comments only bother us when we are sensitive to them so perhaps that’s something to work ok instead.

Wow. So judgemental.

I think you probably feel like it’s grinding because you’ve judged this other mum to not be up to your standards, so when MIL says why not try xyz, your reaction is to get your back up, because you think your way of parenting is better.

You will encounter people who make different parenting decisions to you. That is life.
You can't tell your mother in law who she can see or who her friends are or from seeing them on the day she cares for your child. Even if she stopped caring for your child she would presumably still see her friend and would still make the same comments.

MILs friend's way of bringing up her child isn't going to permeate to your child like osmosis 🤣🤪

MIL probably approves of her friend's parenting more than your parenting

That approval isn't going to change the way YOU parent is it?

Let it go

And stop being so stuck up!