To envy friends with older children

I remember days when I felt like my two would never grow out of the toddler/baby age (it seemed to last forever!), but then the years since have flown by.

Embrace that time when they are little. I’m now really struggling with the fact it feels like my children no longer ‘need’ me (I know they do, it’s just not the same). I loved having cuddles, and snuggling up in bed when they were scared. Now I’m lucky just to get an eye roll and a grunt from my youngest (13yrs old) 😁!

Once you have kids you are a parent for ever more. By having kids older you get more time with less responsibilities. However YANBU to feel tired and find things tough. YANBU to wish life was a bit easier right now.

The days are long but the years are short. Be careful what you wish for. Seems no time at all since mine were little and yet now they're in 6th form and uni. Many things are easier. Many more things are much much harder. And I really miss having little kids 😢
It's easier said than done but try to enjoy the stage you're in. And anything that is challenging, just remember 'it's just a phase' and it will pass.

Oh my goodness I so wish DD15 was still little! Not the toddler stage but around the middle of primary school. She was (still is) beyond stubborn but just so sweet & funny at that age. I was the best Mum in the world. I know the teenage years can be tough but DH & I have been nearly broken 😞

Surely they had the same slog when their children were younger and they’ve now come out the other side? Could you look at it in a better way that it won’t always be this hard?

I'm 32 and have a 13 year old, doesn't mean it wasn't hard in my early 20s. There was some days I'd be falling asleep stood up making bottles.

This time is extraordinarily difficult, even more so if you have little or no family support and it's totally normal to feel like your relationship is failing as a result.

In the perfect world, proper communication is the answer here, and the agreement to do your best to help each other. soestimes I'd suck up the night time stuff for longer than I'd like to help him, but he would regularly get up at 5am to start his day as he could have DS for hours while I caught up on a little sleep.

I’m 38 and mine are 12 and 9. It’s definitely easier than the baby and toddler age although I would like to go back to it for just one day for some lovely cute cuddles. Only the one day mind 😂

it doesn’t feel like it when you have toddlers but it honestly flies. I can’t believe my eldest is almost a teen. Before you know it your toddler will be in reception, then the juniors, then high school.

I do know how you feel though. I remember it well. Everyone with older kids has been through that slog and it really is exhausting at times

@FuzzyStripes

I really don't see it as losing my youth. I had kids when I was fit enough to run around after them. We still purchased a property albeit in the north west where property prices are reasonable. We still travelled all over Europe with our kids. I'm in a very lucky position now, my dh is 16 years older than me and retires in 5 years. Our plan is to rent out the property and go travelling for as long as we can. I will have enough credits for a full state pension in the future . Maybe buy a motor home and travel wherever we fancy . I can supplement our income with a laptop and digital nomad visa and work part time while we travel, we don't need a huge amount to live on. I'm exhausted now, the idea of sleepless nights now makes me feel sick. But I know it's a very personal thing, each to their own.

They probably envy you, coz they're going thru the door-slamming, stropping, grunting, muddy sports kit phase!

It's tiring when they're little but the teenage years are very tough and stressful in my opinion. I'd rather they were little again

Im 46 with ds7 and ds8 and I too do not envy friends with older kids. I feel so lucky to have my young kids at my age. Keeps me young!

YABU, you do know your kids will grow up to? Stop wishing their lives away, and be grateful for what you have.

I had my first at 35 and 2nd at 37. I felt more equipped emotionally and yes financially to become a parent at that age.
I remember these years as tough but still enjoyable as the good times outweighed the bad. Juggling work, nursery, no free time , but also fun times and happiness at seeing DS's growth and enjoyment. Even holidays could be tough to plan and organise but once there all would be good. I remember thinking, this really isnt a holiday! These times, though it doesn't seem like it at the time pass, so quickly , cherish it.
Of course it isnt 24hr flowers and butterflies, there were tears, puke, lack of sleep, dilemmas at school etc and emotional support etc . That is parenthood.
Every age brings it challenges , mine are older teens now and they still need support and my time. I am grateful they still seem to enjoy spending time with me and will talk to me if they need guidance. I think the tough years have been paid off but no doubt as they get older I will still be needed from time to time. It won't be long till they fly the nest but I know parenthood doesn't cease when they walk out the door. My parents were there for me until their dying day and I will do same for them.

I get it. Practically from the day my children were born I wanted them to be older. I'm not going to lie, I do enjoy it a lot more now (notwithstanding the endless lifts, the whining about chores and what feels like a never-ending series of calls from DS' school....).

But trust me, it's fine. You will get through it, taking the good bits where you can, and then you come out the other side.

I felt like that. I remember when I couldn't even go to the loo by myself without kids hanging off me - I looked out the window and saw my neighbours going off for walk, leaving their teenage kids at home. I was sooo envious! The freedom! They could actually do something without their children glued to them.
Now I have a teenager and an almost teenager. Yes it's easier in many ways. Yes I can do stuff without the kids. But it's hard in other ways. My teenager basically locks herself away at home and doesn't tell me anything. I think my existence is highly irritating to her! I soooo miss the days when she'd tell me everything about her day and hug me and actually seem to really love me! And there's all the worry that comes with teenagers - alcohol, boys, exams etc.

I’ve had those thoughts but honestly now my youngest is 3 I feel so sad she’s at the end of being ‘little’. After you have kids you’ll never feel as young and carefree again. I do feel glad I spent my 20s and early 30s living life for just me and travelling the world and doing things that are best done when young!

I’m 44 with a 4yo (hard come by!)

I worry about being too old to run after him and dying before he’s grown up. But I love the floppy cuddles someone upthread talked about and appreciate being his mum every minute because of how long I waited for him.

Seems everyone is fighting their own battles.

Whereas I am the opposite and would have hated to lose my youth to being a parent. Getting somewhere with my career, having carefree fun, buying property, having financial security and feeling happy that I achieved what I wanted meant prioritising that over having children at 22.

If I’d had children then, it would be a much drearier future ahead of me now as I’d never catch up with my career or savings. I’d hate it.

Well you will get there too eventually and then you'll probably feel nostalgic about when they were young,

I feel the opposite. I feel so sad at the passing of time and whilst I love my kids at every age and love seeing the people they are growing into, I also mourn the baby/ toddler days too and miss all the versions of them.

I found the baby / toddler stages much much easier than the challenges they face as they get older; although appreciate it’s less ‘physical’ once they don’t need carrying and breastfeeding etc.

We also have no help and found it much harder without the breaks that those who have more support enjoy but then at the same time realise it means we had as much time as possible to enjoy our kids so there is an upside to doing it all yourself.

I don’t think you can compare your situation to others and just savour each day you get to enjoy with your children; we never know how many of them we will each get.

I understand what you mean @Noisytrain but I’m 2 years ahead of you - I have a 3.5 yo and 1.5 yo. All my friends have 4yo and 6+ yo (so my eldest is the same as their youngest).

I see it gets easier, but also I know my youngest is my last and really do cherish the time more than I did first time round. Easy to say when he hasn’t hit the terrible 2s yet tho 🤣

Oh yes how we just didn't know that having to play with the dolls and watching kids tv on loop would be the time of our lives compared to teen life.🤣🤣🤣
Op i promise you we don't have it good.. you should be laughing at us losing our minds. Sending love. ❤️