To envy friends with older children

I had my first at 23, my last at 33… I definitely think it’s a bit easier when you’re younger. I’m 42 now, my youngest just turned 9. Yes life is easier, if we’d not have spaced out kids out we’d have all the freedom we could need already… but I like having younger ones (9&12) too. Keeps us a bit younger. Im happy we had more. Sadly the years fly by so quick.you’re going to have a full one couple of years, it’ll get easier.

We’ve all gone through the terrible 2’s and I bet being pregnant again isn’t helping, as I used to feel everyone around me was looking well in their clothes too. I’m at the other end, youngest is 5 eldest is 18 and a couple in between. And honestly I would enjoy what you have at the moment as I think it gets tougher. Teenagers push boundaries and now I have an 18 year old there’s the going out drinking and worrying, and also the boyfriends and worrying about her relationships and if she’s being safe. It was actually easier when they were under 5 😩

And I know people who have had kids as teens who are now have good careers. A
friend of mine got help as a single teen parent to do an access course to get into uni and now is in a very well paid responsible career. Without the child she would've been stuck in a minimum wage job to pay bills as her family wouldn't have supported or even tolerated education past 16

I am a (much) older mother so I really can empathise, but it is what it is, and you just have to accept that this is a stage all parents go through and this is your time. Amazingly you will miss some aspects of the small children stage when yours are older!

I would say she's a classic case of the exception that proves the rule & definitely not something anyone should aspire to.

Anyone I know that had kids as teenagers have ended up scraping a living throughout their lives & absolutely are not in any sort of position of power.

Well it kind of proves that having a child at 16 ( although not ideal) doesn't mean that you can't do anything with your life.

Yes op not easy. I found school age bit easier as they had parties and I got some time off. Now I worry about them on nights out she 18 so a different set of worries now!

I had 1 at 22 and then one @ 25
then 2 more at 30 and 31 so I’ve now got 2 adults (23 &19) at 45 and a 13 and 14 year old and the days I’d go back to having toddlers and babies, it’s easier in some ways op but harder in other ways. Enjoy this stage because you know where they are at all times and as much as it can be tough it’s also lovely and the cuddles and time you spend with them is amazing. Then you get teens who are just urgh at times don’t want to cuddle you and just drive you mad. Mine have all been ok youngest has Sen and I miss the baby days they seems so much more laid back for some reason. That time will come for you don’t rush it by enjoy those lovely newborn cuddles and toddler baths ❤️

AR had her DD at 16 & then her DD had her DC at 16 also - can't say that's anything I ever thought i'd hear someone aspire to!

Anyway Op, it is tough but agree about trying to cherish it (as much as that's possible!) as the days are long but the years really do fly by!

I believe she's in her mid 40s

Where was that said? I thought I’d misheard because she doesn’t look old enough to be a grandmother!

Had mine at 26, 29, 37 and 42. It was easier when I was older, more mature I guess and little things and some big just didn't bother me anymore!
That toddler and baby age is hard work no matter what age you are!

the early years are physically difficult, Op, but they dont last forever. i found the pre-school years slow, but as soon as they started primary school, the years flew by.

Don't forget, what you are going through now, your friends have already gone though.

Why? Is there something strange about having a grandchild?

I thought I’d misheard when they said she had a grandchild!

They didn’t give birth to teenagers tho did they? They all went through the same struggles as every other person that has young kids. Yours won’t be young forever.

Age 8-11 before hormones take over are the best. I’m kidding sort of. All ages are are a complete labor of love. Being mum is hard and yet, amazing. At all ages. Enjoy.

My experience is that I’m in my mid 40s and my children are 13&17yrs, I’m also a single parent. Over the years it’s been tough and money has always been an issue. My siblings who up till now have been supportive but more from a distance have also been having a nice grown up life. And yes sometimes I really wished I could swap places with them.

These days, my children are still hardwork as teens are but are far more independent and can be left. My brother and his wife, are both over 40 and are 10 days away from having there first baby. They have more money than I did when I had my first baby and a nice family home, and have been married for a few years. I can now see that there isn’t an ideal age to have children. I’m pretty sure it’s going to go through there heads they should have done it earlier when they see my kids and I’m pretty sure it’s going to remind me of the baby days and just how much I miss them now they are gone.

I absolutely can’t wait to spoil my new niece and do all the fun stuff all over again when she’s old enough, I’m pretty sure my brother and his wife are going to need the odd weekend off too.

I’m envious of you. My daughter is 10 and yes, life is much easier now, but I would've given anything for her to have a sibling and would have gone through the having both a toddler and a newborn stage to achieve that (it was not possible due to health problems unfortunately, after many years of trying). It is exhausting when they’re young but it does better I promise. Please don’t wish it all away and enjoy the cuddles.

I had a brief moment earlier of feeling envious of Angela Rayner for similar reasons! She’s not too much older than me and has a grand child, as well as an incredible career, and is obviously about to start her new gig as deputy PM! I find her inspirational and am so pleased how well she’s doing but am also quite envious that she got the early years out of the way so early (especially after today hearing that my childcare plans for the summer have been cancelled!) I have two very small children and am just too tired to care about my career! Might also be too ancient to ever meet my grandkids! Should have cracked on earlier perhaps.

I think you’ve unfairly had a few unsympathetic replies.
You are at such a hard stage, it’s relentless and it feels never ending. I get it, I really do. I remember thinking similar, I’d go to a play date or a softplay or the park with friends and feel like I was the only one that didn’t get to sit down, and it felt like everyone just got to sit and chat and enjoy coffee and had it much easier.
I promise it gets easier. There are new challenges of course, no stage of parenting is easy, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, it becomes less full on.
And ironically your friends are probably looking at you thinking wow I miss them being that little.
The days are long but the years are short, you’ll blink and realise one day it’s getting that little bit easier.
keep going mama 💪🏼

I don't get why you are having children if you are already wishing their childhood away.

I agree