To think having to walk away from my baby crying is the hardest thing I’ve had to do

It’s not nice. I remember one morning she had to be physically dragged off me! I was reassured by the fact that she was usually fine within 2 minutes if me leaving, and the nursery were good at providing updates. It was just a phase and she’s fine now.

Come on now, don’t be silly. The OP has said she’s suffered her share of loss and bereavement. She doesn’t have to list the tragedies in her life before we give her permission to have found this really difficult 🙄

OP, give the nursery a ring and see how she’s getting on. I bet she’ll be perfectly happy. We do childcare for our nephew a couple of days a week. While he was still having the odd bit of breastfeeding, we would take him down to his mum’s work on her break so they could have a cuddle and a quick feed. And he would always get upset that it was time to say goodbye and it would break her heart knowing she had to leave him. I used to send her a quick video of him babbling and giggling before we’d even got to the end of the road, just to put her mind at rest. She’ll be fine and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

OP YANBU it is really hard. Every other time she's cried you've held her until now. It goes against all your instincts and it feels physically and mentally wrong. But, working and earning money is necessary and will eventually make both of your lives better, and I bet you she's already forgotten her upset and is enjoying her day.

YANBU at all OP. It goes against every instinct in your body. I haven't had to do it because I'm using family childcare but honestly I completely sympathise, my baby crying makes my body physically hurt.

I doubt any mother has not felt their heart ripped out of their body when leaving a crying little one at nursery.
Been there done that felt like shit.
But 99% guarantee that the little ones are fine after a few minutes wailing.
I am doing it now with my granddaughter and the feelings are exactly the same!!

That’s about you though, I doubt your DS’s life has been adversely affected because he went to nursery all those years ago.

My youngest used to cry when I dropped him. Full-on snot etc. When I collected him they told me he’d had a great time. He was only there for three hours!

This is good advice. I drop off half an hour before I need to on my days (share drop offs with DH) and go and get a coffee. Kiddo is now 6 months into nursery and he is so smiley and giggly with the staff there and loves the toys.

It's so hard! But very likely they settled once you left and will be having a great day with their friends and lots of learning. it will take time to adapt.

Ah op, it's so hard. Ds was the same at drop off during the first 3 weeks but he did settle during the day and then cried again at pick up. It's worth saying that now 6 months later he shouts "yay" when we pull into the car park, runs to knock the door himself and is genuinely really excited to see the staff in the mornings and he's made little friendships. He's developed so much since starting and has really grown in confidence. The start is hard but honestly I'm glad I preservered (had no choice bills to pay lol) because he was loving it within a couple of weeks. He was 11mths when he started.

Maybe try to have a plan for after drop off for yourself, like putting on some good music and singing along, or going to get a nice coffee on your way to work or phone someone to distract yourself?

I've been there. It was definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It still troubles me now - despite having a perfectly happy well adjusted university student who had a great school life etc.

So I completely understand and sympathise OP. It does get better, but if you're not the same as many posters on here who don't seem remotely concerned by walking away from a crying baby, it's always going to be tough.

Shoot me for not having had a life of unending misery but I haven't. It was very hard.

I think it's maybe easier for babies if they go into childcare at under 6 months. They will then know all the carers by the time the " clingy" stage appears at 8 months to a year. Seems odd to me that the current maternity leave ends when kids are generally at their clinginess.

Of course you're upset, it's your natural instinct not to leave your baby so ignore the rude posters.

@Floralsofa @TruthorDie it's not a competition of who's had the harder things in life. Why do you feel it so necessary to dismiss the totally valid feelings of a mother finding it heartbreaking to listen to her young baby crying? Just because you may have gone through something you deem to be 'harder' that's totally irrelevant to this post. There's always going to be someone who's had a more difficult life than you, that doesn't mean you can't complain or be upset about anything. If you can't empathise or provide any kind comments just move on.

@justmymonday I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with nursery drop offs, and sorry you feel you have to justify why on this post. It will get easier in time and as others say it's likely the crying is very temporary and your baby's probably now having a great time playing.

I also used to work in a nursery OP and I can guarantee that your child would have settled very soon after you left.

If your little one wasn't settling, you'd definitely hear about it 😊 it's harder on you that it is on them. Give yourself permission to let go of the guilt and carry on about your day.

It’s so hard. Do give them a call and hopefully they can put your mind at ease. As parents we are hard wired to respond to our children so it is extremely difficult when you walk away from them crying 😢. It does get easier after a few weeks.

I completely understand, it's soooo hard. My DS cried for 3 months straight when he first started (he was 13mo back then) but he was fine a few minutes later. He still does it now, although every other day-ish I'd say, and he's 2.5yo. And then I get pics of him giggling with his friends... Some kids are like that, as long as they are fine otherwise it's normal (obviously you always have to trust your gut...). But it is still bloody difficult to leave them there crying. I guess this feeling doesn't go away...

I hate this feeling. If mine went in upset I'd call a bit later to check they'd settled. Otherwise I would have picked them up, but they were always playing happily.

Mine went from four and five months pt.
I was glad of the break tbh. No one else ever took them.
Twenty years on the benefits have been undeniable and never a single regret.

It’s a fair point though. Life has thrown way bigger challenges at me and other posters by the sound of it. Baby crying at nursery isn’t great but it’s just one of those things

Its horrible. I wanted to give up work and live on benefits but I knew I couldn't do that because I was a single mum.
Now at 62 I wish I had done that until he went to school.
It still makes me feel sick even at my age that I had to do this while he was so young.

I remember this clearly with my twin DDs and they are now early 20s. I went back to work part time when they were 9 months old and I was really looking forward to it, thought having some adult company and another focus would be good for all of us. Cried all the way up to London on the train, arrived in the office a complete mess. It does get better OP.

I really struggled with this, I went back to work when baby was 10 months and it took 6 months to be able to drop off consistently without tears. I still feel sick when I picture them in those early days at drop off horrific.

It will get better, and if like me you had no choice to go back to work and no family to leave them with you're doing the best by them by continuing to earn and give your little one that security and stability.

sending love it will get better