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Sister stole her flatmate’s deposit

343 replies

Huhy · 01/07/2024 06:56

Sister just completed her final year at university in London.

Sister lived with an international student in a one bed flat - they converted living room for 2nd bedroom in Central London. They were friends and course mates prior to living together. Sister had an absolute nightmare with this flatmate but I think it is no excuse. So sister and flatmate got an email saying that only £400 of their deposit was being returned due to the state the flat was left in. Sister left the flat in March, tenancy ended in June. Sister left to come home as she was very stressed with dissertation and exams/sick of flatmate. Before she left she completely cleaned her bedroom. She agreed with flatmate to go halves on an end of tenancy clean.

Landlord came back and said the carpet in her flatmates room and her bed were ruined and therefore needed replacing. Sister texted friend saying well seeing as that is all your stuff, I think I’m entitled to the full remaining deposit. Flatmate said no, we’ll split. My sister was distraught as she took care of her room and the common areas as she knew she needed the deposit for her masters.

When I say my sister lived with a pig I am not exaggerating. Sister sent us pictures of their kitchen after she returned from Easter. The ENTIRE floor in their small kitchen had piled up bags of takeaway bags. It was shocking. Flatmate paid for a cleaner to pick up her shit. The other girl also had difficulty turning off the shower and would just leave it - causing damage to the flat below. Another time my sister picked up a towel that had been on the floor in bathroom for weeks and the other girl replied with “haha I can’t believe you touched that, that was a cum towel”. She would also routinely make my sister go with her to get the morning after pill whilst on her period - always thought she was pregnant. Trust me I know her being a nightmare does not justify theft.

Anyway sister figured out that their deposit had not been secured as she questioned the LL’s ability to unilaterally take whatever amount he wanted. The other girl was happy to walk away from the lost deposit. My sister told landlord to pay both deposits into her account as her flatmate has shut hers down. Well that was a lie.

Sister was immature and rubbed it in her flatmates face that she had her money. The flatmate has gone back to her home country (very well off). I got a message from the girl asking me to help. I’m shocked my sister acted this way, very uncharacteristic. Sister in fact has actually given the money to another friend who was struggling to pay her last month’s rent (I have seen texts and bank statements as evidence of this).

Im at a loss. Pleas tell me what to do!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 01/07/2024 09:02

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:00

This girl is harassing me on social media. Plus my parents are aware of situation and want me to get sister to do the right thing.

Block her and tell your parents its nothing to do with you

TiredCatLady · 01/07/2024 09:00

If the flatmate reports it to the police and/or university, it could cost your sister her masters place. She might want to rethink.

HolyPeaches · 01/07/2024 09:00

TruthorDie · 01/07/2024 08:53

I think it’s fair enough. Flat mate sounds like a nightmare to live with. I can see why full deposits weren’t returned!

I would ignore your parents and the flat mate. It’s not your problem

The full deposits have been returned.

LookItsMeAgain · 01/07/2024 08:58

Time to send a message to your sister saying the following:
Hi sis - I'm no longer going to be involved in your dispute with X (former flatmate). You had £1200 of her money and she is entitled to that money back. You need to take whatever steps are necessary to transfer the money to X so that this matter can be considered closed. I've said my bit and now it's up to you. Please do not involve me again in your dealings. @Huhy

You also need to send a message to your parents saying the following:
Hi parents - I've spoken with Sis and told her that she needs to sort the matter out between her and X and leave us out of it. It's not our issue to resolve. Please don't involve me again in Sister's affairs and dealings. It's not my place to be involved as she is an adult herself. @Huhy

Last but not least, you send one message to X (Sister's former flatmate) saying the following:
Hi X, I have spoken with Sis and advised her to contact you directly so taht you can sort out whatever issues remain between you both. Please stop contacting me on social media or by any other means as you can deal directly with Sis going forwards. If you continue to contact me, I will consider that harassment and take the next steps to prevent that. @Huhy

Wash your hands of the whole mess entirely!

HeadRush24 · 01/07/2024 08:58

Op, what do you think of backing off completely and leaving your sister to sort it out herself?

saraclara · 01/07/2024 08:55

Who only speaks mandarin? Billions of people. Including flatmates parents

AnnieMcFanny · 01/07/2024 08:54

OP, As the mum of 4 children who’ve all been international students over the years my advice to you is to block your sisters ex flatmate and leave your sister to sort her own mess out.

one last thing though - who only speaks Mandarin?

Wednesday6 · 01/07/2024 08:53

The comprehension thing people complain comes from the fact the original post doesn't mention how much money was actually stolen making us believe it was £400 or half of that. Now it's clear it was £1200 which is somewhat a large sum and makes a difference. If the friend is rich she can sue at her loss just to make a point. She can report theft to the police and this won't cost her anything. That can later on mess up with your sister's application for UK nationality if she hasn't got one yet and plans to apply.
In my mind she's got two options: 1. Do nothing wait to see what happens

  1. Ask the other friend to return the money she gave her and return the money
TruthorDie · 01/07/2024 08:53

I think it’s fair enough. Flat mate sounds like a nightmare to live with. I can see why full deposits weren’t returned!

I would ignore your parents and the flat mate. It’s not your problem

Uricon2 · 01/07/2024 08:51

The extraneous stuff about the MAP is meaningless.Yes, your sister is wrong to retain the half of the deposit that isn't hers and stupid to taunt the ex flatmate with it. None of that makes it your problem, she is a grown woman and (excuse me if my assumption is wrong) presumably speaks the same first language as your parents, so I don't see why they can't communicate with her directly.

You asked for advice on what to do. The consensus (misunderstandings about £400 etc aside) seems to be that you should tell your parents that you're not getting involved and block the ex flatmate on all platforms.

Huhy · 01/07/2024 08:50

I think it is bad karma to steal. I have told sister my thoughts.

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 01/07/2024 08:50

You are keen to insert yourself into this drama that has nothing at all to do with you.Your sister is an adult- remind your parents, her ex-flatmate and your sister of that and tell them it is not your business at all and you want to hear no more about it.

saraclara · 01/07/2024 08:50

Huhy · 01/07/2024 08:47

Well she’s hoping people who only speak Mandarin won’t bother engaging the UK legal system. And flatmate struggles with taps so won’t be able to take the lead.

Well let's hope they don't take unlawful action via contacts here. Do they know where your sister lives now?

Huhy · 01/07/2024 08:47

saraclara · 01/07/2024 08:46

Flatmate would win, so there'll be no lawyer cost to the parents. Your sister would have to pay their costs.

The small claims court is easy to navigate. It's no huge thing for flatmate and parents to have to do if they just want the money back.

If they want your sister prosecuted for theft, that's another thing

Edited

Well she’s hoping people who only speak Mandarin won’t bother engaging the UK legal system. And flatmate struggles with taps so won’t be able to take the lead.

OP posts:
Huhy · 01/07/2024 08:46

saraclara · 01/07/2024 08:42

Please stop taking this personally. I did understand the amounts in the end, but in the early part of the thread it was a bit confusing. And that's okay. They're are multiple threads where this happens. We don't always get it right when we first try to explain a situation.
It's not about race or second language. It's just about putting the situation down to people for the first time.

You've now explained it more clearly, but people who don't neither reading that far, will still get it wrong. It's annoying. But don't take it personally or let it distract you from the sensible advice you're being given

I do take it personally when people insult my communication skills when the issue is more with the individuals inability to read/comprehend.

OP posts:
saraclara · 01/07/2024 08:46

Huhy · 01/07/2024 08:44

Sister doesn’t believe flatmate is organised enough to deal with lawyers whilst she is in her home country. And for £1200, after lawyers fee, the parents will realise it is not worth the expense.

I have told my sister that is her gamble to make. But I will not be bailing her out neither will our parents (they probably would though if it got to that point)

Flatmate would win, so there'll be no lawyer cost to the parents. Your sister would have to pay their costs.

The small claims court is easy to navigate. It's no huge thing for flatmate and parents to have to do if they just want the money back.

If they want your sister prosecuted for theft, that's another thing

Reallybadidea · 01/07/2024 08:45

I've only just woken up and still bleary eyed and I can still understand the amounts involved! Why are people finding it so difficult to understand 🤣

OP - you can't make your sister do anything so I'm not sure what else you can do to get your parents off your back tbh

Huhy · 01/07/2024 08:44

Sister doesn’t believe flatmate is organised enough to deal with lawyers whilst she is in her home country. And for £1200, after lawyers fee, the parents will realise it is not worth the expense.

I have told my sister that is her gamble to make. But I will not be bailing her out neither will our parents (they probably would though if it got to that point)

OP posts:
LoyalMember · 01/07/2024 08:43

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:06

They have told her to give it back during an argument but they both have multiple jobs and have no capacity to keep on it. So have told me to take over

That's nice of them. Tell them it's not your responsibility, and block the ex flatmate.

pasturesgreen · 01/07/2024 08:43

Please tell me what to do!

You steer well clear, that's what you do, OP. This is between two adults, your sister and her flatmate, nothing to do with you. Besides, it's a problem entirely of your sister's making, when she went gloating to the flatmate. Lesson learned.

Block flatmate on everything so she stops pestering you. If your parents are so bothered, they can lend your sister the deposit money to return to her flatmate.

Your moral obligation is misplaced. Not your circus, not your monkeys, so don't get involved.

FOJN · 01/07/2024 08:42

Desertislandparadise · 01/07/2024 08:39

But it wouldn't be 1200 pounds because the 400 was paid, right? So the sister owes her flatmate 800 pounds is how I figure it?

No the landlords offer was rejected until he agreed to pay the full amount.

The OP's sister received £2400. The flatmate has received zero.

saraclara · 01/07/2024 08:42

Huhy · 01/07/2024 08:34

Im “aggressive” because I make a statement and then people post “no that makes no sense because of x,y, z”. E.g the poster who said sister not wanting to sue for 3x was a lie as she is poor and could use the money from a pay out for future rent. Like wtf.

And I felt like I was being gaslight re being hard to comprehend.

Jeez

Please stop taking this personally. I did understand the amounts in the end, but in the early part of the thread it was a bit confusing. And that's okay. They're are multiple threads where this happens. We don't always get it right when we first try to explain a situation.
It's not about race or second language. It's just about putting the situation down to people for the first time.

You've now explained it more clearly, but people who don't neither reading that far, will still get it wrong. It's annoying. But don't take it personally or let it distract you from the sensible advice you're being given

GingerScallop · 01/07/2024 08:42

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:02

Okay but I also have a moral obligation

your moral obligation stops with you telling your sis what she's done id not right. Nothing else you can do
i doubt girl will sue. Too costly. And if she dies sue, it will be suing your sis si again, up to her to deal with it

keffie12 · 01/07/2024 08:41

It's not your problem or business to sort. Block the woman. End of.

Tell your parents they, nor do you have the power to make your sister do anything.

Personally, with the way the woman treated the place, my sympathy lies with your sister.

Tell the woman if you must, that she can issue a civil court summons in the U.K. Then block see.

Not your circus, not your monkies. Step out the arena. You don't have to attend every drama party you're invited to.

RazzleDazz1e · 01/07/2024 08:41

If you’re that bothered by it all just reimburse the friend yourself and go on your merry way. This perpetual hand wringing is prolonging the drama.

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