DH took our DD2 trampolining in her pyjamas

It would bother me. The teeth the most I think.

Maybe as a one off this would be acceptable. However it's a one off because it's a one off he cares for the child not because he had one lazy day amoung many good parenting days. It would be neglect if he cares for the child regularly and therefore op will feel she has to do all the parenting to avoid child being neglected. Weaponised incompetence. It's not ok

But by setting the bar so high for themselves, a lot of women damage their own mental health. Projecting that onto the man isn’t likely to help - it wasn’t her decision to not get the child dressed, so apart from expressing a desire that he doesn’t do it again, she shouldn’t be raising an AIBU about it, is all…

Did you miss the bit where OP said he was actually proud of himself? Couldn’t even be arsed to clean and dress his own child and is proud of himself.

it is shit standards. He’s more than capable of dressing her in clean clothes, brushing her teeth and brushing her hair and chose not to. Because he’s not on minecraft then he’s an amazing dad?! People have very low expectations for men it seems.

You've got to remind yourself that it's not necessarily shit standards its just not your own standards tho...
The brushing the teeth thing is possibly one to worry about (altho OP doesn't seem definite on him not having done this)
But wearing PJs out or not brushing hair.. it's not really that bad for a 2yo child is it?
Hopefully he'll do better as the child gets older. But you learn as you go along.
Let's face facts.. many men don't need to brush their own hair that regularly.. many men couldn't tell the difference between a child's PJs and a child's trousers and Tshirt... because they don't really care about clothes.
I mean obviously point out that kids need their hair brushing... but I wouldn't get angry about this. You are just getting angry about him not automatically having the same standards regarding children's appearance as you do.

It would bother me a lot. Pj’s are for bed. Brushing teeth, brushing hair, getting her changed into day clothes, washing hands and face are basic care & he doesn’t need any congrats for bringing her to a trampolining park

No it isn't.

A one off would be forgetting to do one thing such as brushing hair. He also didn't get her dressed or brush teeth. If he got her ready every day of the week and just forgot on this occasion maybe you could argue that it is a one off but I bet OP normally does it.

Let a woman post that she does no night wakenings and brings her two year old out without brushing their hair and teeth or putting them in clean clothes. She'd be accused of neglect.

Yet again the bar for men is so low it's in Hades.

OP is he a slob in general?

@CelesteCunningham Wow! Chill out - she’s 2!🤣🤣🤣

It is shit op, and some of the responses are fucking depressing tbh.

Did he go out in PJs, unbrushed hair and unclean teeth?

It's not acceptable, what would happen if you had those poor standards of care for her also?

You'd be getting a phone call from nursery or school eventually.

I did, on occasion, send my toddler son into nursery in his PJs top because I picked my battles and having a fight with my 1yo when heavily pregnant while rushing to get to work was not top of my priorities.

however, hmmmm, OP I can see why you’re annoyed but I don’t really think it would bother me. But if it bothers you, tell him and articulate exactly why.

Did she have fun?

That's all that matters.

Do they look like pjs. Most toddler clothes and toddler pjs look pretty similar

This wouldn't make me angry but I would take the mickey out of him first a long time.

I don't know...
When I've been rushing with mine when they were very young I have left the house with them in PJs.. and definitely as babies.
Also my DH is still pretty clueless as to clothing even after 3 kids.. however he does try.. and he always makes sure they brush thier teeth. He often forgets about hair tho.. I guess as he gas short hair it just doesn't occur to him where as it would to me as I always brush my hair as its long.. so I remember to brush the kids.
If its him getting the kids ready tho there's a high chance they will look very odd. Especially the younger ones. Dresses on backwards, stuff that's too small for them etc..
I just don't pass comment actually because I do think, he's their father and I'd rather he just do it and spend time with them... than harass him till he doesn't feel confident as a parent . At the end of the day yeah, the kids look odd but I know hes doing his best.
Do you think your dh is doing his best or do you think he's doing a shit job on purpose so he doesn't have to do it again?
For me I know my DH isn't doing it on purpose.. he just doesn't think about clothing that much.. he just wears jeans and a tshirt most days. Our daughters have more complicated clothing.
I don't get involved. I know they are safe. They just look a bit dishevelled. They aren't going to remember that they went out in PJs or he didn't do their hair properly.. they are just going to remember that they spent a lot of one on one time doing stuff with their dad.
I don't have those memories of my dad. He was a good man but he very rarely had me on his own and pretty much never did any care for me like getting me ready as a child.
So I look at my DH and I'm just glad he tried even if it hasn't met the standards of how I would do it.

A 2yo pajamas and clothes should be virtually indistinguishable. Comfortable, soft, and designed for maximum movement.

the only thing that would really bother me is the lack of tooth brushing.

I have been known to go out without brushing my hair, does that count?! As a one off, I just couldn’t get worked up if my child went out with PJ’s on. My life isn’t that rigid.

If he was pissed or didn’t have an appropriate car seat, yes, I’d be mad. Unbrushed hair/teeth or had PJ’s on! Nope.

He has her one day a week. Yes it’s fucking shit standards for not being able to not neglect your child for the one day a week you have them. And as for your comparison, why does it have to be one or the other? So he can only leave her dirty in pyjamas, or clean and dress her but ignore her all day? He couldn’t possibly have washed and dressed her before taking her somewhere fun? That’s entirely too much 🙄

I'm betting he doesn't regularly brush her hair and teeth because I'm betting OP does it.

On the one morning she wasn't around, he either forgot because he's just that stupid, or he made a point of not doing it to mark his dissatisfaction with OP's lie in.

Neither are traits I'd want in my husband.

Yes it would bother me. I think routine is good for little kids. I found if I let them do stuff like that once or twice as a 'one off' then they would expect it at random times going forward and they were too little to understand it wasn't appropriate (eg to go to a party) and it would end in tantrums. So better in my opinion to always have a 'we brush our teeth and get dressed after we get up' rule

Do you sometimes go out without dressing, or brushing your teeth too? Grim.

The first line of this. Dear sweet zombie jesus.

Some people's standards are low. Do people not get dressed themselves and brush teeth and hair before going out?

Maybe he thought that trampolining would be easier in pyjamas. Doesn't excuse not brushing her hair etc.

I wouldn’t be bothered if sye looked scruffy but the pjs are a no no