To think that my ex should have told me he was introducing our 2 year old to his new partner?

I think it's very wierd that an unknown. Woman (to you) drives and drops off your toddler with no message. You know nothing about them

This is MN so of course YABU 🙄

In reality though, yes of course he should've told you. It's just common courtesy. Plus it impacts your child, just as any other significant event would.

I don't think people have read your post correctly.

So a women you've never met,or know of , has come to your front door and handed your child to you.

No wonder you're shocked.

You're unreasonable to expect him to tell you if he's introducing child to someone.
You're not unreasonable to expect him to tell you someone else is looking after your child and dropping them back.

I didn't tell my ex everyone my 3 year old met. I met up with lots of people with the 3 year old, several of my colleagues and their children, old uni friends and their kids, a (very) ex-girlfriend and a couple of dates. I didn't take kid on first dates obviously but by date 3 I was happy to meet. I wouldn't have wanted to spend 6 months dating someone to find that they didn't get on with my child or vice versa. The first person I went on a date with my kid on I didn't see again as between us we had too many kids and... it didn't work out - but we all had a good day out, the next woman ... I married. No way was I going to tell my ex about my dating life - nor was I going to say anything to my child other than we're going to place X with my friend called Y. I wasn't going to introduce them to my child as a girlfriend until we were sure though.

Once I was serious with my now wife, and she moved in with me, my ex demanded to meet - which was a weird meeting for all of us but an understandable request - although in some ways it was a double standard as my ex had not considered that I might want to know about the au-pair she'd moved in with her.

Common curtesy means he would tell you. But he doesn't have to.
I found out my ex was seeing someone when I got a text from his number saying "R be dropping the boys home today"
I replied "who's R?" As it isn't the inital of any of his family. I got back "R!!!! You know as in I will, his fiance, <name>"

FTR her name doesn't begin with R, R isn't short for 'I will' AFAIK, and I didn't know she existed!

You’ll get a lot of people saying what happens on his time isn’t your concern, which is true to some extent. Morally though I think he should have told you. When I was about my meet my now DSD, DH told his ex and vice versa when DSD met the man who’s now her stepdad. It’s just manners to give a heads up IMO.

I agree op. Just a simple heads up, that’s all. I think it’s basic. Perhaps he found it too awkward to say - or it didn’t cross his mind?

I would have expected a text to advise that the new gf would be dropping off the child. It's just common courtesy. I would have thought but not said, 'who the fuck are you and what are you doing with my child?'

It sounds like it was just the new gf dropping off your toddler, if that’s the case I would have been pissed!! Stranger rocking up to my door, no clue in the slightest! He should of at least dropped you a message letting you know at the bare minimum

Do you mean that your ex wasn't there for drop off? Just your child and the girlfriend?

My ex did tell me when he was seeing someone. I did appreciate that, but I absolutely know he didn't owe me it.

However, arranging for a complete stranger to rock up at my door with my two year old with no warning would have been a complete piss take.

Ignore some of these weird answers, yes it very normal to tell your ex before you introduce someone new in your life. Part of being a co-parent.

wind him up, tell him your moving your new man in next week. When he goes wtf you can explain how you feel that he didn’t give even you a heads up that he was introducing someone. Tell him when the time comes that you want to intro a man to your kid you will give him a heads up because that’s what good co parents do and because that is what’s best for your daughter. Role model what good behaviour looks like, always take the high road.

A healthy co-parenting relationship will include communication and coordination between both parents.

Technically, as people like to point out, he is not obligated to tell you.

However, being kept in the dark then surprised with big news/changes does not instill trust in either side.

If this woman is staying over in a house with the OP’s very young daughter (could be a potential step mother) then it’s absolutely her business.

As it’s absolutely OP’s ex’s business if the OP meets another man and will be having contact with her very young daughter.

Arthur Labinjo-Hughes, Alfie Phillips, Jacob Crouch, Lola James… ring any bells people?

You’re not totally crazy at all.

I think whenever a couple splits and they start seeing other people, wether it be the mother or father, needs to have an adult conversation with the other parent. “Hi X, I’ve met someone, we’ve been together X months now and think it’s time to introduce them to DC”.

I know it’s not always as black and white as this and some parents can be spiteful, there can be custody battles, feelings still involved etc.

But I think it’s in the best interest of the child that both parents know exactly who will be in their child’s immediate set up and home life.

I've always said a child shouldn't meet a new partner till been together 6mths

As May split up

Don't want them meeting lots of possibly step parents then fizzle out a couple of months later

Yes he should have told you

1. met someone

2. wants them to meet your son

I do think it's polite, and also just a good idea, to let the other parent know if this person will be doing practical things like driving the child home. And for that matter, if he had a friend drive her home, I'd think a text giving a heads up would be good.

I agree with pp that to a large extent you have to just trust your ex will make good decisions about people. But it would just smooth things over to have a bit of communication. Avoiding the "who are you and why do you have my child" "Oh, I'm the new gf." Which seems a bit unfair to the gf as well.

Yes it would have been courteous for him to tell you his girlfriend would be dropping her home but unfortunately he is under no obligation to let you know. You don't get to choose who is around your DD when she is with her father, just as he has no say in your choice of boyfriend or friend. You have to trust that her father would not allow someone unsuitable around his child, just as you wouldn't.

Absolutely none of your business and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Your feelings are totally valid but unfortunately, when you are not with someone and they have contact, you have no say over who they’re with and what they do.

Bite your tongue but I know it’s hard!

It is natural to feel uncomfortable, but even if he told you, you are not going to know “what kind of person” she is as you won’t have much contact with her anyway.

You are going to have to trust your ex on it.

YANBU OP. Your feelings are totally valid.

How long have they been together?

Of course he should have told you so that you know who’s the person driving your child back to your home. That must have been strange having to receive your child back from an unknown person.

My ex did this to me too. It’s really upsetting. He did eventually tell me as he’s moved I. With her.

in the best interests of the child I think you should write to him saying in the future it would be great if you can both agree to give each other the heads up as it puts the child in an awkward situation not knowing if the other parent knows - it’s nicer for them to know that their other parents knows and is fine with it.

in terms of who is around your child though - let that go- just like you don’t know all the nursery staff and you don’t know all his friends.