Favour for a friend

I have to admit that my cousin has popped by (lives round the corner) and fed my cat on occasion when we are away if our parents / my aunt can’t feed the cat. I do always say thanks but I don’t buy any of them anything in exchange for it because it’s what families do. I once also dog sat 4 dogs and a teen for a week. I didn’t receive anything in exchange. If it was a friend or my neighbour then I would possibly buy a gift. I’m normally quite generous.

I would ask how much she usually pays…. Friend sounds as though could be an early doors p* taker.

I work from home and look after some friends dogs occasionally - but other friends dogs I just say no. Never the dog that’s the issue it’s friend taking the p* (expecting pick up / drop offs / no food / giving meds for d&v / changing times ) - do it once, never again as no point falling out over it.

@rookiemere be careful as your potential message does swerve into emotional blackmail territory.

I would give something but yes we not all the same. My friend gave me wine. I took the dog out as they had a retirement dinner. I did not expect it and said thank you. She said I gave up my evening.

Manners are such a priority in my house I can't say anything but YANBU.

I had a friend's dog for over 24 hours, slept next to my head 😂and she gave me a lovely card and fancy box of toiletries.

Another friend has been very supportive with advice and helped me with a technical issue and I gave her a big bunch of flowers as I wanted to know I appreciated her and I had needed quite a lot of support.

edited to add - the supportive friend asked me to walk her dog which I did and I got a genuine verbal thank you and that's 100% okay. Anything more would feel over the top.

"cheers for that" and "great" are hardly big notes of thanks. I'm one of the least effusive people I know, but even I make a special effort for those who have given us pet care, it's not hard to send a follow up text, or even when asking for the two weeks "Thank you so much for helping out at short notice, I think Fido was pining for you after he left. We wanted to go away X-X do you think you might be able to look after Fido again? It would be so reassuring to know he was happy. "

Apparently many are unable to read the OP's posts...

Here was her thank you.

I'm just glad I don't have friends like this. I do my friends favours and they do me favours. When you start expecting things like that it turns every situation stressful by over thinking it. But then....I see my friends like family.

If it was an acquaintance (neighbour I'm not close to etc.) then yes, I'd buy a token gift and say thank you verbally. However if it's a good friend, we wouldn't - it would be really odd actually to be given a random airport thank you 'thing' for helping a friend - we just help each other when needed, no expectations of payment / tokens. We do say thanks to each other but it's all pretty casual.

Was she verbally thankful though?

And there's your massive red flag. You've helped her out for 2 nights and provided totally cost and hassle free dog care for her. Now let's ramp it up to 2 weeks (can't make same excuse about muddled boarding arrangements this time)and save hundreds of pounds in the process because she's tapped into your people pleasing nature. For me that's a firm 'sorry no, that won't work with our other plans'. Doesn't sound like much of a loss if she takes umbrage.

I agree with you..I would always get a little thing as a thank you.

But in this scenario you would still have a lot more money than if you had to pay for dog boarding. Kennels are cheaper but a paid sitter costs from £25-35 per night here.

There are favours and favours tho. A lift to the station is so different to looking after a dog!

Ddog is staying with granny this week while we are on holiday. He's having flowers delivered to her on the last day to say thanks.

You have to show appreciation for people who help you.

Real friends don't expect this. If I did this for every friend that did me a favour I'd have no money.

I also agree with this. Keeping tabs and expecting that everything nice you do must be repaid with a reward is exhausting behaviour.

If my friends care for my dog, yes I buy them a gift - more usually now I offer money as the dog is not easy to care for and needs medication and special walks.

I would give something to say thanks but I don’t think you can judge people by your own standards, some people just don’t think like that.

it would have been a nice gesture yes but it’s not the end of the world.

Have you seen her since the dog minding? I'd be more likely to treat a friend to a meal out or drinks the next time we met up than to buy a card and this is what friends I house sit/pet mind have done for me too, do maybe she is planning that?

If she’s disorganised to mixup boarding dates, she is probably too disorganised to buy something. I’m not excusing it but it sounds like me🤷‍♀️🤣

I personally would always give a thank you gift, but I never expect one for myself. A favour is just that, not a paid deed.

It's not really about the gift. Profuse thanks would have been almost as good.
In that situation I would have been falling over myself to express my gratitude, even if you love dogs she must realise it's a big ask.

Some people just think differently. Maybe for her it was not a big deal and she would have done the same if someone asked her and didn’t expect anything in return? Or the other way round, did she ever done something for you so you owed her? I know a person who “keeps a tab” and if they do something for me - give me a lift for example then I know they will remember and I would be expected to drive next time.
The way it works with closes friends is that they are there for you when you need them and don’t expect anything back. They also know you are they for them. You don’t reciprocate every single favour (or buy a thank you gift!) and overall over time it evens out.

I think many people would get you a bottle of wine or whatever but it's not outrageous not to - maybe shes planning on buying you a drink/coffee/lunch or whatever when you next meet up.

I think it's unreasonable of you to be annoyed that she didn't because, your DH is right, you don't do it for those reasons you do it to help your friend out. I used to dogsit for a friend whilst she went away on holiday, I had to stay at her house because she had safety stuff in place for the dog and I had to catch an hour train into work. She stocked the fridge and left me £20 for takeaway 1 night but didn't pay me the train fare back. She brought me a lovely mug from her holiday (new york!). That was fine I wasn't annoyed just happy to help out a friend.

Sad world when people get annoyed because they EXPECT a thank you gift. I assume that they actually said thank you on pick up and in the lead up when you agreed to it.

I’m currently on holiday and my house sitter decided to bugger off and leave my 3 dogs alone on day 3 of a 2 week holiday so I have had to rally the troops and no joke the people who have helped me out have been amazing. I have sent flowers to 3 people and I’m going to take the other one for dinner when I’m home at the weekend. I am eternally grateful for them stepping in - my dogs are so precious!

So no, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a thank you, even just a box of fudge from the services/airport!